Jami G generously donated a paragraph so that YOU GUYS could have a chance to edit. (Lucky you. :) So how about making suggestions in the comments, and when you all are done, I'll try too.
Here's one paragraph near the beginning of my WIP, but not the opening. Setup: Her husband, trying to figure out why POV character didn't sleep well the previous night, just asked if she's okay.
Faking another yawn, she covered her face with her hands to hide her cringe. Did she need more guilt by sharing the reasons she’d stared at the ceiling for hours last night? Just because of a stupid dream about her ex-boyfriend, Daniel, and his command for her to ‘Come to me’? Um, no… Instead, she offered, “Uh huh.”
I chose this selection for two main reasons. 1) It has an unintended sentence fragment (i.e. the "Just because" phrase is not a fragment for stylistic reasons), but due to the voice of the character, I can't figure out another way to word it. 2) That same sentence fragment clues the reader into essential backstory that plays into the end of the chapter (the Inciting Incident) and I want to make sure this paragraph is clear.
Thanks for this opportunity!
So let's have a few brave souls who will make helpful suggestions on how to clarify, improve, tighten, revise, etc., this selection!
Just put your suggestions in comments for this post.