Revelatory sequencing

I'm reading a mystery where the victim is widely disliked, so there are lots of suspects. (I'm summarizing and paraphrasing here, but you'll get the point.)

So the detective has just arrived at the scene and has said he'll go tell the new widow that her husband is dead. He thinks that her reaction could tell him something.

The woman sees that he's a policeman and stands up and says in exasperation, "I hope you're not here to tell me my son has been arrested."
He says, "I have some bad news. Your husband has been murdered."
Next line:
She reacted with shock but not sorrow, and Yanif saw clearly that she didn't love her husband. Could she have murdered him? He didn't know. He just knew she wasn't mourning his death.

--
Okay. We know she has a husband, the victim.
We know now that she has a son.

Now this is a big moment in the plot. The detective tells the widow, and she reacts in a way that puts her right at the top of the suspect list.

But I think the scene could have been made more emotional, more fun, with a bit of a diversion here. Let's say the woman rises and says with exasperation, "I hope you're not here to tell me my son has been arrested."
The detective -- craft the dialogue carefully here, because my point is... draw it out. Take your time. Take it slow.
The detective replied, "No. But I have some bad news--"
And then he pauses. Maybe you want him to draw a breath here. Maybe he's pausing so that he can see her reaction to the news. But when he pauses, instead of waiting, the widow rushes in.
"No! Not my son! He's not--"
And the detective says hastily, "No, no, not your son. It's your husband. He's been murdered."

So she drops into her chair, hand on her throat, and whispers, "Oh, thank God. I thought you were going to tell me-- but he's all right. Philip. My son. He's all right, you say?"

And the detective then has to say again, "Yes, ma'am. This isn't about your son. This is about your husband. He has been--"
"Murdered, yes, you said. But Philip is all right-- Thank you."
"But your husband--"
She took a deep breath. "Yes. Walter. Murdered. Yes. Please tell me where, and when."

--

What's the difference? Well, first, we learn something about this woman. She loves her son. She doesn't love her husband, but that's not because she's incapable of loving. She's no sociopath.

But more than that, we are now SHOWING and not just telling. How do we SHOW that she doesn't love her husband? By contrasting her terror about her son with her nonchalance about her husband. The detective doesn't have to tell us that she has no sorrow-- we see it, because we see what grief would look like in this woman-- and it's not for the husband.

Important moments, like revelations and challenges and confessions, should be set up. So often writers rush these moments, and shortchange the reader by shorthanding the event. The enjoyment for the reader is the process of getting to that moment, the understanding and experience created by the process. This is not the place to get concise. (Back at the restaurant scene? You know, where the detective spends a page telling the waitress how he likes his salad prepared? Try conciseness there, just a thought. :)

In fact, interruption, digression, misunderstanding, misinterpretation-- these are your tools to making the event more interesting. You don't want to be obnoxious about it, of course.

(This is below is obnoxious.)
The new widow rose and said with exasperation, "I hope you're not here to tell me my son has been arrested."
The detective replied, "No. But I have some bad news--"
He looked around the room. It was a typical upper-class drawing room, except for the fine Addam mantlepiece over the hearth. It was such a fine piece, in fact, that he wondered if it was original to the house, or purchased recently at that Sotheby auction in town. He'd wanted to attend that auction, but the press of work-- a murder in the cathedral-- had kept him away. But there had been an Addam mentioned in the catalogue for that event, and he wondered if this could be that one. He had to give the Lindens some credit for good taste, no doubt about it.

He turned a more approving gaze on the lady of the house. "Your husband has been murdered."

That's obnoxious because it's false suspense. Yeah, it slows things down, but no decent human being would stop just before giving bad news to mentally assess the decor. What is natural? What will feel plausible to the reader? Let the event cause the suspense. Let the interaction draw out the scene.

(I've actually got nothing against a paragraph of good description of the setting, and tying it to the POV character's own experience. But the place for that is at the start of the scene. We naturally notice our surroundings when we come into a new place or have to move around. Get the room described concisely, but once the action starts, put in only the description that is natural or you can do subtly-- "The widow dropped onto her yellow couch and pressed a square of linen to her cheek.")


Alicia