Mystery Robin edits

This is for a YA suspense. These four lines come after Oliver, the POV character hears the song Lili Marlene sung to the girl he’s with.

I felt overwhelmed -- emotionally, experientially. I didn’t know what to do next, so I just looked at her face. It was the perfect song for her, I realized. She did have a sweet, haunting sort of face -- a face for shadows, for standing under lamp posts and casting spells with her eyes, spells that could follow a man across an ocean, or across a dream.


I felt overwhelmed -- emotionally, experientially.
I know what "experiential" means, but don't know what it means here. I like the alliteration, though, and that might be enough. I'm easy to seduce. :) However, consider whether your diction is right for YA. I don't think we should ever condescend to younger readers-- CS Lewis didn't, and neither did JK Rowling-- but just make sure that you're not selling out clarity for euphony. I of course have no problem with that-- I can't imagine a better bargain-- but just keep that in mind. :)
I didn’t know what to do next, so I just looked at her face.
Okay. I kind of think you're wasting an opportunity here to say something, but it's an okay placekeeper. I'd like to challenge you to make that more meaningful or more beautiful, but it's a bit nothingish.

It was the perfect song for her, I realized.
What is "it"? I'd rather have even "This" as it implies more urgency.
Also, I'm far out of the YA market, and I barely remember the song Lili Marlene, since it hasn't been all that big since, oh, WWI. So, again, consider your audience and how much you need to explain to them. I wouldn't know what this means in relation to the song or her, for that matter.
She did have a sweet, haunting sort of face -- a face for shadows, for standing under lamp posts and casting spells with her eyes, spells that could follow a man across an ocean, or across a dream.
Can you connect this with the song? Maybe "a Lili Marlene sort of face"? I also keep hearing:
"She had a sweet"-- "did have" makes it sound like he's contradicting something someone else has said. "Yes, listen. She did have...."
The word "sweet" doesn't really connect with the face for shadows, etc.
a face for shadows, for standing under lamp

And very nice, but faces don't stand. They shine or glow or hide, maybe, but they don't stand.

spells that could follow a man across an ocean, or across a dream.

I like it-- but would a "man" be in a YA novel?

So mostly my question would be-- are you writing for your audience? Now if I were a YA editor, I'd know if the voice was right. I do like the voice. So let's just say, assuming the YA angle is right, I would just challenge you to hone this. It's good, but it could be better.
I didn’t know what to do next, so I just looked at her face.
I just have to say, you can make this beautiful. I hear an echo of one of my fave poems, from After the Storm by Derek Wolcott:
I try to forget what happiness was,
and when that don't work, I study the stars.