tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68248967656314129032024-03-10T14:13:11.540-05:00edittorrentEdittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comBlogger1356125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-51973423720528619132022-09-13T17:02:00.005-05:002022-09-13T17:02:46.234-05:00<p> </p><article class="post-1727 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-uncategorized tag-plot-2" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #8a8f97; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.32px; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><header class="entry-header clearfix" style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 2.5rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="entry-title-wrap" style="border: 0px; float: left; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 483px;"><h4 style="border: 0px; color: #27303c; font-size: 2rem; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.03rem; line-height: 1.3; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;">The Fab Four Synopsis-Creation Method</h4><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div><div class="entry-meta-wrap" style="border: 0px; float: left; font: inherit; margin: 0.3125rem 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 207px;"></div></header><div class="entry-content clearfix" style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 2.5rem 0px 1.5625rem; vertical-align: baseline;"><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.32px;">I’m doing a synopsis-brainstorming session this week with my plotting students (If you’d like access </span>to such fun sessions, <a href="http://bit.ly/plotblueprint" rel="noopener" style="border: 0px; color: #be2844; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">join the Plot Blueprint Course</a>! http://bit.ly/plotblueprint). They might be disappointed not to end up with a complete 10-page synopsis (in 2 hours? :), but this isn’t about writing the synopsis but rather conceptualizing the story in miniature– BEFORE writing the story synopsis.</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">(BORING STUFF HERE ABOUT WHAT A SYNOPSIS IS. <strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Synopsis: A narrative summary of a longer story, used primarily to “sell” the story to editors and agents.BLABLABLA)</strong></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: black; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I’ve read a few thousand synopses– the price of a stint as an acquiring editor– and generally that’s what they are: Boring Stuff. A long stringy outline of disconnected plot events. A couple “hot taglines” and a “hook” and a final “insightful sentence”. A resulting sense of futility and failure.</span></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: black; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Hey, let’s not do that.</span></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: black; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Maybe you have to write a synopsis because you want to submit to an editor or agent. Maybe you need one for your publicity packet so that interviewers will have questions for you even if they don’t actually read the book. Maybe you are going to address a book club and want to provide some explanatory material. Maybe you are planning the sequel to a story and want to make sure it connects thematically.</span></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: black; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I mean, no one writes a synopsis because it’s fun (because it isn’t fun). But if you have to do it, let’s have some fun– and in having fun, we’ll end up with a much better synopsis and even a better understanding of what the audience will love about our story.</span></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">So… no one’s more fun than the Fab Four, right? Got to stop and say the Beatles are on my mind this week because I’m listening to the <span style="border: 0px; color: black; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><u>amazing</u></span><u> <a href="https://500songs.com/podcast/episode-150-all-you-need-is-love-by-the-beatles/" rel="noopener" style="border: 0px; color: #be2844; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Andrew Hickey’s podcast, History of Rock Music in 500 Songs, and he just covered “All You Need Is Love.” Check it ou<span style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: purple; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">t.</span></span></a></u></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Okay, okay, some will point out that using the Beatles as a reference will date me. Ha! I was a member of the original 1965 US Beatles fan club, and now my grandbaby is going to be raised as a Beatle fan (if I have any say in the matter!). The Beatles are timeless… just like me. :)</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Here they are — timelessly adorable.</p><div class="wp-caption aligncenter" id="attachment_1728" style="border: 0px; clear: both; font: inherit; margin: 1.25rem auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 160px;"><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/22LpQLKAcaUiBBfAH51paY" style="border: 0px; color: #be2844; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-1728" class="size-thumbnail wp-image-1728" height="150" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" src="http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/beatles-150x150.jpg" srcset="http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/beatles-150x150.jpg 150w, http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/beatles-144x144.jpg 144w, http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/beatles.jpg 224w" style="border: 0px; font: inherit; height: auto; margin: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: bottom;" width="150" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text" id="caption-attachment-1728" style="border: 0px; color: #454545; font-family: inherit; font-size: 0.75rem; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 700; line-height: 1.4; margin: 0.3125rem 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/22LpQLKAcaUiBBfAH51paY" style="border: 0px; color: #be2844; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The Fab Four.</a></p></div><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: red; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">John,</span></strong><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; color: purple; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Paul,</span> <span style="border: 0px; color: #169e24; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">George</span>, <span style="border: 0px; color: #ff6600; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Ringo</span>.</strong> The Beatles are the absolute proof of the truism that “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” So is your story. It’s not plot+character+setting+theme+emotion+voice+prose+dialogue. All those things come together like the Beatles to be more than the sum of elements– they interact to become the story.</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">First thing then is to think of the synopsis as a “mini-story”, not a plot outline. This isn’t about events. This is about the feel of the story, the sound of your voice, the journey of the characters, as created by the merging of plot+character+setting+theme+emotion+voice+prose+dialogue.</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Second tip is to move beyond those pieces of story to the integrative aspects of the story– the sort of secret ingredients that YOU put into the story, you the author who thinks and feels and speaks and writes in a unique way that might seem separate but work together so well in you.</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Where do the Beatles come in?</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Well, if you know anything about them, you know that each is unique himself, and has become sort of a “signifier” of a particular aspect of the whole. You know, Paul is the cute one, Ringo the funny one, etc.</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Here’s my own categorization of the boys in the band. It will not be the same as yours perhaps, but here is what I think each contributes to the whole that is the Beatles (and keep track, because these will be the elements of our synopsis-conceptualization).</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: red; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">John:</strong></span> <strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Passion.</strong> Sure, John Lennon is usually considered “the smart one”, but “passion” is what he really manifested from the first, when he impetuously demanded that that kid with the bass guitar join his new band, through his wildly romantic disruptions, to his tragic death. He’s all despair and obsession and longing. What’s the passion in your story? What’s the John? What’s the central emotion, the demand you make on your reader to FEEL THIS!</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Now I don’t mean that every story has to be wildly emotional. After all, John wrote the almost sociopathically chill song “Norwegian Wood” (around the same time he wrote the achingly poignant “In My Life”). But just as “Norwegian Wood” conveys the em<img alt="" class="size-thumbnail wp-image-1732 alignright" height="150" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" src="http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/john-150x150.jpg" srcset="http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/john-150x150.jpg 150w, http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/john-144x144.jpg 144w" style="border: 0px; display: inline; float: right; font: inherit; height: auto; margin: 0.3125rem 0px 1.25rem 1.25rem; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: bottom;" width="150" />otion of someone just exhausted by emotion, even your most clinical cyberpunk story has some passion in it, I bet. Maybe it’s the subliminal terror of technological apocalypse, or the secret longing for a more organic life, or something else– something that arose out of what you or your characters want or fear. What’s that?</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">That’s the JOHN of your story. That’s what I’ve always thought of as the “heart of the story”– the central emotional experience that creates the plot propulsion. It doesn’t have to be flashy. I have a story where the “heart” is two lonely, quiet people finding the courage to love again. What about yours? What will the audience feel while reading your story?</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: purple; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Paul:</span></strong> <strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Curiosity.</strong> What? Paul– the writer of the “silly little love songs”, the devoted husband and father, the band cheerleader– isn’t the emotion center, the heart, the passion? Nah. I’m sure he’s just as sweet as he always seemed to me (of course, I went for the cute one!). But musically, within the Beatles, Paul was all about experimentation, novelty, fusion– “I wonder what will happen if…” You know, it wasn’t John or George who championed the very young Jimi Hendrix and his guitar experimentation– it was Paul, who also dabbled in weird electronic music even as he resurrected the oompah melodies of his father’s music hall tradition.</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">While the John-penned songs tended to be melodic cries from the heart (“Help!”), Paul would justforthehellovit mix traditional harmonies with off-beat characters (“Paperback Writer”), then transcend rock (guitar+drum) entirely with the symphonic “She’s Leaving Home”. Many of the groundbreaking experiments on <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Revolver</em> and <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Sgt. Pepper</em> (along with the very concept of the “concept album”) were inspired by Paul’s curiosity. And this is why he’s now regarded as the most technically impressive of the Beatles, the most musically interesting, even if he mostly wrote (as he called it) “silly little love songs”.</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.32px; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">What’s the Paul in your story?</strong></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">What’s curious and unexpected in your presentation of the plot and charac<img alt="" class="wp-image-1731 alignleft" height="179" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 179px) 100vw, 179px" src="http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Paul-McCartney-150x150.webp" srcset="http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Paul-McCartney-150x150.webp 150w, http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Paul-McCartney-144x144.webp 144w" style="border: 0px; display: inline; float: left; font: inherit; height: auto; margin: 0.3125rem 1.25rem 1.25rem 0px; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: bottom;" width="179" />ters? What’s experimental and what’s a throwback? It might be your convention-busting approach to a conventional story (“The Three Little Pigs” told from the wolf’s point of view??), or your fusion of genres, or your innovative juxtaposition of tropes, or your Paulish delight in alliteration and rhythm. What might go right over the head of a casual reader but be recognized by an editor or agent as truly exceptional? What most reflects the uniqueness of your voice and vision, or your particular excellence?</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #169e24; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></strong></span></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #169e24; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></strong></span></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #169e24; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">George: <span style="border: 0px; color: black; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Spirituality. </span></strong><span style="border: 0px; color: black; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">George was the youngest Beatle, and the one most involved in that era’s spiritual awakening, most eager to bust free of the hidebound mindset of postwar Britain. And the other Beatles bemusedly followed his lead to India and meditation and weird harmonic convergences in music. At the time, some cynics thought of him as a dilettante, dabbling in practices he didn’t understand. But spirituality was a lifelong quest for him, giving him the courage to ask the really big questions that western philosophy and religion didn’t fully answer– about purpose and inner peace and being simultaneously “within you and without you”.</span></span></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Like Paul, George liked to experiment, especially with non-western stringed instruments like the sitar and the ukelele. In fact, his experiments in music are a lot more apparent, especially in the middle period (<em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Revolver</em> and <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Rubber Soul</em>) where his use of Indian melodies give many songs a unique and fresh sound. Later he would laugh about the amateurishness of his early sitar skills, but that willingness to risk failure, to be a beginner again, is a necessity for spiritual seeking. He sought answers, but not “yes/no” answers– more he was seeking insights, enlightenment– and more questions. For George, the journey was the destination.<img alt="" class="alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-1730" height="150" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" src="http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/george-150x150.jpg" srcset="http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/george-150x150.jpg 150w, http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/george-144x144.jpg 144w" style="border: 0px; display: inline; float: right; font: inherit; height: auto; margin: 0.3125rem 0px 1.25rem 1.25rem; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: bottom;" width="150" /></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">What’s the George in your story? Are you exploring any deep questions about identity or connection? Are you using interrogative techniques like a mystery or quest structure? Do you take your characters on a journey from one life or emotion condition to another? What themes or message do you want to convey in this story? And is there some seeking of your own that inspires the story? What in this story shows your desire to discover, learn, become more?</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #ff6600; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Ringo:</strong></span> <strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Fun.</strong> Ringo is the odd-man-out alongside this trio of serious seekers. But of course, he’s essential to the totality of the Beatles– supplying the irreverence, the tolerance, the pleasure, the downright FUN. First off, of course, he’s effortlessly comedic, tossing off funny lines, beaming that infectious grin, jovially refusing to be impressed or intimidated. Heck, he wasn’t afraid to sing lead in his uncertain baritone, even there in a studio with three accomplished singers. He was even willing to stick his own goofy fun song “Octopus’s Garden” in the middle of the epic album Abbey Road. And he laughingly joined into the role-playing of the Sgt. Pepper band, poking fun at his own status in “With a Little Help From My Friends”.</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Through<img alt="" class="size-thumbnail wp-image-1729 alignleft" height="150" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 150px) 100vw, 150px" src="http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/ringo-150x150.jpg" srcset="http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/ringo-150x150.jpg 150w, http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/ringo-144x144.jpg 144w" style="border: 0px; display: inline; float: left; font: inherit; height: auto; margin: 0.3125rem 1.25rem 1.25rem 0px; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: bottom;" width="150" /> fame and fortune, tragedy and tumult, Ringo was always clearly having a good time, and reminding his gloomier bandmates that rock and roll is supposed to be fun. No surprise he later entertained a new generation as the narrator for the Thomas the Train cartoon series. But Ringo is a good reminder that fun doesn’t have to be shallow, as his compassion and serenity manifest in his sunny attitude. Most of all, his humor derives from his impressive self-confidence, which is leavened with a easygoing tolerance for others.</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">So where is the Ringo in your story? Even if this isn’t a comedy, is there an undercurrent of humor or unpredictability in your prose or your situations? Are your descriptions colorful and quirky? Are your characters all uniquely themselves, rendered with your authorial empathy? And maybe your whole story shows that self-love and confidence that always characterizes Ringo? If you’re asked, “What will your audience find fun about your story,” what would you pinpoint?</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Okay, now what? Jot down your insights about those essential elements in your story here:</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: red; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">John:</strong></span> <strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Passion of my story is <span style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: underline; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span></strong></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: purple; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Paul:</span></strong> <strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Curiosity of my story is <span style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: underline; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span></strong></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #169e24; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">George: <span style="border: 0px; color: black; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Spirituality of my story is <span style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: underline; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span></span></strong></span></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #ff6600; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Ringo:</strong></span> <strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Fun of my story is <span style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: underline; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span></strong></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Done? Is that the synopsis? Of course not. You still have to do all the plot summarizing and character journeying and theme developing stuff. But… but before you get into the boring part, start with the passion, the curiosity, the spirituality, and the fun. Figure those out in your story, and then we can get going on how to incorporate those into your synopsis so it won’t be boring at all.</p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">After I work through all this with my plotting students, I’ll get back with some examples of infusing the Beatles into a synopsis. In the meantime, try this exercise for yourself, with the Beatles singing for you.<a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/22LpQLKAcaUiBBfAH51paY" style="border: 0px; color: #be2844; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Here’s my Spotify playlist for this exercise! (You’ll have to sign up for an account, but it’s free.)</a></p><p style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/22LpQLKAcaUiBBfAH51paY" style="border: 0px; color: #be2844; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="" class="wp-image-1733 aligncenter" height="238" loading="lazy" sizes="(max-width: 238px) 100vw, 238px" src="http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/beatles-color-150x150.webp" srcset="http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/beatles-color-150x150.webp 150w, http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/beatles-color-300x300.webp 300w, http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/beatles-color-144x144.webp 144w, http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/beatles-color.webp 720w" style="border: 0px; clear: both; display: block; font: inherit; height: auto; margin: 1.25rem auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: bottom;" width="238" /></a></p></div><div class="entry-tags clearfix" style="border: 0px; color: #aeb3bb; font-family: inherit; font-size: 0.75rem; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 0px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Tagged as: <a href="http://www.aliciarasley.com/index.php/tag/plot-2/" rel="tag" style="border: 0px; color: #8a8f97; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; vertical-align: baseline;">plot</a></div></article><nav class="post-nav-wrap" role="navigation" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #8a8f97; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.32px; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><ul class="post-nav clearfix" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font: inherit; list-style: none; margin: 2.5rem 0px; padding: 0px; text-transform: uppercase; vertical-align: baseline;"><li class="post-nav-prev" style="border: 0px; float: left; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.aliciarasley.com/index.php/what-harry-potter-can-teach-writers-about-the-end-of-the-character-journey/" rel="prev" style="border: 0px; color: #8a8f97; font: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="fa fa-chevron-left" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; border: 0px; display: inline-block; font-family: FontAwesome; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: 1; margin: 0px 10px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; text-rendering: auto; vertical-align: baseline;"></span></a></li></ul></nav>Edittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-25549029661526034692022-07-21T18:58:00.004-05:002022-07-21T18:58:33.772-05:00I had an article about me here about giving video feedback with writing advice--<p><br /></p><p><br /></p><h1 class="entry-title" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "haas grot text web", "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: 50px;"><a href=" https://www.coursehero.com/faculty-club/best-lessons/feedback-videos/" target="_blank">Use Feedback Videos to Improve Retention and Growth in Online Writing Courses</a> </span></h1><div><h1 class="entry-title" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "haas grot text web", "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">https://www.coursehero.com/faculty-club/best-lessons/feedback-videos/</span></h1></div><div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div><div><h4 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "haas grot text web", "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 25px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.33333em; margin: 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Typed comments on papers can feel accusatory. This writing professor (and prolific writer) uses psychology and technology to set a positive tone.</h4><section class="component-educator" style="background: rgb(221, 224, 227); border-bottom-color: initial; border-bottom-style: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: initial; border-right-color: initial; border-right-style: initial; border-top-color: rgb(4, 34, 147); border-top-style: solid; border-width: 5px 0px 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #3a3a3a; float: right; font-family: "haas grot text web", "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 20px 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 380px;"><div class="educator-image" style="background-image: url("https://www.coursehero.com/faculty-club/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/alicia-rasley.jpg"); background-position: 50% center; background-size: cover; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; min-height: 250px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></div><div class="educator-content" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 25px; vertical-align: baseline;"><h4 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-size: 25px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: italic; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.33333em; margin: 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; text-transform: uppercase !important; vertical-align: baseline;">EDUCATOR</h4><h3 style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(30, 182, 224) !important; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: 1.42857em; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a data-event-label="[Faculty Club] Educator Profile" data-event-properties="{"pageUrl":"https:\/\/www.coursehero.com\/faculty-club\/best-lessons\/feedback-videos","name":"Alicia Rasley, MA","url":"https:\/\/www.coursehero.com\/profile\/alicia-rasley-392143\/","school":"University of Maryland University College"}" data-event="click" href="https://www.coursehero.com/profile/alicia-rasley-392143/" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(30, 182, 224) !important; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="">Alicia Rasley, MA</a></h3><p class="important" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px !important; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.4; margin: 0px 0px 20px !important; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Adjunct Assistant Professor of English and Writing Advisor, University of Maryland University College</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.4; margin: 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">MA and BA in English Literature</p><p style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: inherit; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 1.4; margin: 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Rasley’s free e-book: <a href="http://www.aliciarasley.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/OUTLINE-YOUR-PLOT-IN-60-MINUTES-4-6.pdf" rel="noopener" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #00b5e2; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank"><em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Outline Your Plot in 60 Minutes</em></a></p></div></section><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "haas grot text web", "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.4; margin: 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Award-winning author Alicia Rasley, MA, was inspired to become a better instructor, at least in part, by her experience teaching at a university with a 50% failure rate.</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "haas grot text web", "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.4; margin: 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">An award-winning author of nine novels and several nonfiction works (including a book on how to write books), Rasley has always been passionate about writing.</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "haas grot text web", "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.4; margin: 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">So, several years ago, Rasley was not happy when she found herself at an institution with “a focus on gatekeeping.” There, after a series of assessments, one group of students would be allowed to continue their studies, but the “gate” would close for those not deemed worthy to move on. That amounted to about <em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">half</em> of her students. For Rasley, that idea was absurd.</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "haas grot text web", "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.4; margin: 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Students need to be supported, she says, especially when they are stepping outside of their comfort zone. So she moved on—to a more supportive school. Now, as an adjunct assistant professor and writing advisor at University of Maryland University College, she makes “supportiveness” a focal point in her teaching.</p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "haas grot text web", "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.4; margin: 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "haas grot text web", "helvetica neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.4; margin: 0px 0px 30px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="https://www.coursehero.com/faculty-club/best-lessons/feedback-videos/" target="_blank">More here: <span style="font-size: small;">https://www.coursehero.com/faculty-club/best-lessons/feedback-videos/</span></a></p></div>Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-46702872607427697382022-06-27T10:43:00.001-05:002022-06-27T10:44:25.046-05:00For Dappled Things: The Serendipity of Coincidence<p> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">For Dappled Things<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">By Alicia Rasley<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></b><b><o:p> </o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Coincidence is
trivial, tricky, falsely weird. But… it’s also magical.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Appreciate
coincidence—it brings wonder. <o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As fiction writers, we’re told to avoid coincidence as a way
to solve the story conflict! Coincidence is too easy, too contrived, too
manipulative, too “author-intrusive.” Solving plot problems with a coincidence
means the characters don’t have to grow and change. And that’s all true!
Coincidence is bad in fiction.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>However, coincidence in real life—well, it happens. And
maybe we might consider it something of a message from… the universe? Why not?
After all, it’s one of our tasks and skills of being human to discover and
create patterns, to assign meaning to what might actually be random—or at least
to marvel at the unique confluence of color and shape and happenstance that
creates a kaleidoscope image.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>Maybe we should sometimes stop and gaze at that coincidence
as we would that kaleidoscopic pattern.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>Here’s a coincidence—or actually kind of a cascade of coincidences—that
just happened to me. During all my years of teaching and writing, I’ve saved a
lot of… paper. Scrap paper, old assignments, handouts for workshops, articles,
and poems. Most of them are jammed into a big box under my desk, undisturbed
for years… until we got a kitten. Poppy. She’s a cute little brown-and-gray
tabby, both striped and spotted. (She’s cuter than that sounds!) She is an agent of chaos. She leaves nothing
undisturbed.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And she likes to roll about under my desk, biting my feet.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br /></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This morning I got up to find a sheet of paper in the middle
of the bedroom floor. The nibbled corners told us Poppy had taken this from my
box and brought it upstairs to us. Well, better a piece of paper than a dead
mouse. We joked that she clearly wanted to send us a message. But what?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>Turns out, this wasn’t a blank sheet, but a printout of a
particular poem:</p>
<h1 style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: transparent;">Pied Beauty </span></h1>
<p class="MsoNormal">BY GERARD MANLEY HOPKINS</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>Glory be to God for dappled things –</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> For skies of couple-colour as a brinded
cow;</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> For rose-moles all in
stipple upon trout that swim;</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches’ wings;</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> Landscape plotted and pieced – fold,
fallow, and plough;</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> And áll trádes, their
gear and tackle and trim.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">All things counter, original, spare, strange;</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows
how?)</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> With swift, slow; sweet,
sour; adazzle, dim;</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
Praise him.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Wow. What a … <b><i>coincidence.</i></b>
See, Poppy is nothing if not dappled, stippled, freckled, and goodness knows,
fickle. She’s a tabby—striped and polka-dotted and brindled. She’s a dappled
thing! And she somehow chose this poem about dappled things!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgULZR_TGSAPGcOYBxf0Q_JO8vzd3NEIfPkEWvvZswud9of27WY7Ni2ggiwd0aJPTVX3qlyhwnak-oy4IWO3_3gL2JnIRFZhzce0L1qmfLpjYpu3cnjVBwPKC1IsfH_JTE12uiryEoqjQVY3nazqP7l8aWgCwmTxDeKeueJUpoH20hCGncrQwg_vmH9vA/s573/poppy1.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="430" data-original-width="573" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgULZR_TGSAPGcOYBxf0Q_JO8vzd3NEIfPkEWvvZswud9of27WY7Ni2ggiwd0aJPTVX3qlyhwnak-oy4IWO3_3gL2JnIRFZhzce0L1qmfLpjYpu3cnjVBwPKC1IsfH_JTE12uiryEoqjQVY3nazqP7l8aWgCwmTxDeKeueJUpoH20hCGncrQwg_vmH9vA/s320/poppy1.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>We got the message. Yeah, Poppy bites our ankles and tears
up paper napkins and steals our socks—but we should thank God and the universe
for her and other dappled imperfect and dazzling things.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Sometimes coincidence has a fancier
synonym—Synchronicity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s when what
seems to be just a coincidence turns out to have a wonderful quality of
coherence, resonance, meaning. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then
there’s the term “serendipity”, which brings a rosy glow of optimism and
gratitude. That’s what happened when I picked up that chewed-on page. I felt…
serendipitous. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>As soon as I read the poem title, I was transported back to
an afternoon a decade ago, when I was in London with my dear late friend Lynn
Kerstan, a Shakespeare scholar turned romance novelist. We were in Westminster
Abbey, <i><b>coincidentally</b></i> in the Poet’s Corner. She noticed the sunlight filtering
red and blue and green through the stained glass, and started reciting this- “<a href="https://youtu.be/IbwszKKJVYs">Glory
be to God for dappled things</a>.” I can still hear her low contralto, slow and
thoughtful over the lines:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">For rose-moles all in stipple
upon trout that swim;<o:p></o:p></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fresh-firecoal
chestnut-falls; finches’ wings;<o:p></o:p></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>Does anyone write poems anymore with such careful creation of
sound—the juxtaposed words, the bumpy syllables, the syncopated alliteration,
the counterpointed rhyme scheme? All that jamming and contradicting just echoes
the “dappling”— an audial rendition of the colliding of color and shape Hopkins
thanks God for.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>And—the synchronicity continues. Years later, soon after Lynn had passed away,
I was back in London among those dappled sunbeams. Remembering that Lynn sang many Evensongs in
an Anglican choir, I wandered into the Abbey for the service. That day there
was a mixed choir—children and adults in matching pristine robes. Their voices
lilted up into the late afternoon sunlight as they sang the old canticles—the
Introit and the Magnificat and the Nunc Dimittis.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>Then the Dean of the cathedral came to the lectern for the
homily. And he started by reciting… “<a href="https://youtu.be/IbwszKKJVYs">Glory
be to God for dappled things</a>.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p><i>All things counter,
original, spare, strange;</i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Whatever
is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)<o:p></o:p></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> With
swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;<o:p></o:p></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">He fathers-forth whose
beauty is past change:<o:p></o:p></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
Praise him.<o:p></o:p></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></i>Of course the Dean used this poem to convey some lesson
about appreciating nature and diversity and tolerance—all very worthy! But I
knew what was really happening. Lynn was sending me a message through those
sunbeams and those voices and that poem.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></i>I know. It was just a coincidence.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>And coincidence really is just an accident—the accidental collision
of two events or thoughts. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. No great power is
making this confluence happen.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>But… if the randomness of coincidence strikes some chord in
us—unearths a memory, manifests an image, echoes a friend’s voice—well, that’s
magic. Accidental magic, maybe. But it’s the magic of meaning.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>There is nothing more human than making meaning, even of
random occurrences, even of accidents, even of the detritus of daily events. We
make quilts out of fabric scraps, we make paintings out of chance glimpses, we
make stories out of momentary feelings. We take the chaos of existence and make
order and pattern and art.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>Coincidences are just accidents, but what is important is
the meaning we make of them. They’re reminders to remember, to care, to
consider—to create.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></i><i><o:p> </o:p></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3AYLJs28dSI8lAImax3LAbqHuwUJurwmyrNC135hnNxnz7zQ1IEZqcJYhvin8RSn1UaJ1F4RlSTlnrwZbyVzt-IA3jmfDqBXYvcuvC-Ds5p--dVaZ1yOsoO19njeHKG4Rtu0nb6BlhO0H35qgsq-mAx-0w6KF4EQpOQjsr6rGMVqwN8yXwzPLGvvzYg/s264/lynn1.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="264" data-original-width="175" height="264" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3AYLJs28dSI8lAImax3LAbqHuwUJurwmyrNC135hnNxnz7zQ1IEZqcJYhvin8RSn1UaJ1F4RlSTlnrwZbyVzt-IA3jmfDqBXYvcuvC-Ds5p--dVaZ1yOsoO19njeHKG4Rtu0nb6BlhO0H35qgsq-mAx-0w6KF4EQpOQjsr6rGMVqwN8yXwzPLGvvzYg/s1600/lynn1.png" width="175" /></a></i></div><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br /><!--[endif]--><!--[endif]--></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">My friend Lynn
Kerstan<o:p></o:p></b></p>Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-61879503514025586822022-06-14T15:24:00.002-05:002022-06-27T10:23:26.594-05:00The Book of My Enemy Has Been Remaindered<p> </p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">One of my books got remaindered last year, so I got to buy hundreds of copies very cheap. That's a good thing (except the boxes are taking up room in my garage). But it reminded me of this poem by Clive James that is just so full of </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Lato; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;">pleasurable schadenfreude:</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Lato; font-size: 16px;">(Remaindering means that this book or edition has gone out of print, but the publisher still has an inventory and sells the copies at a steep discount to distributors or the authors.)</span></p><h2 style="background-color: white; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: large;">'The Book of My Enemy Has Been Remaindered'</h2><pre style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia;">The book of my enemy has been remaindered
And I am pleased.
In vast quantities it has been remaindered
Like a van-load of counterfeit that has been seized
And sits in piles in a police warehouse,</pre><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSUbweEfchCrnTkv01gNz-fzeeiHYMuu07VYvQSL255HgLjWN7-EVYnMwkBFkO4en6y3JWVPr5kaohMAxTRTQmhIRsBuMT01b37MSkAuTD6mdd_A99ThtAaFkEkkYgF-Gzf3K150nVgAmxBKTXzIDA4VU3-XD0LAT9mhdf2UXg9eujZccBIP3tDlPcdA/s681/books%20remaindered.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="681" data-original-width="457" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSUbweEfchCrnTkv01gNz-fzeeiHYMuu07VYvQSL255HgLjWN7-EVYnMwkBFkO4en6y3JWVPr5kaohMAxTRTQmhIRsBuMT01b37MSkAuTD6mdd_A99ThtAaFkEkkYgF-Gzf3K150nVgAmxBKTXzIDA4VU3-XD0LAT9mhdf2UXg9eujZccBIP3tDlPcdA/s320/books%20remaindered.jpg" width="215" /></a></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://web.cs.dal.ca/~johnston/poetry/bookofmyenemy.html" target="_blank">The rest of it is here:</a></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">https://web.cs.dal.ca/~johnston/poetry/bookofmyenemy.html</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p>Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-40370392921749552622022-05-25T14:41:00.006-05:002022-05-25T14:44:18.181-05:00Yet another misplaced modifier, this one affecting a cast of MILLIONS.<p>I have an endless supply of these revision-needed sentences, so I'm going to continue to harangue you. :) </p><p><br /></p><p>In longer sentences, you will often have several nouns and several verbs, and some of those will have modifying words, phrases, and clauses. Here's one:</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 11.5pt;">Let's not elect high-level government officials who make
decisions for millions who have clear ethical issues.</span> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal">Question: WHO HAS THE ETHICAL
ISSUES?</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">The officials, presumably. Or maybe it's "the millions"? </p><p class="MsoNormal">The verbs don't help. Sometimes the "number" (singular or plural) form of a noun can help us figure it out--</p><p class="MsoNormal">If this were:</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 11.5pt;">Let's not elect A high-level government OFFICIAL who MAKES decisions for millions who HAS clear ethical issues.</span> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal">Because "a" and "official" and "makes" and "has" all mean "one person", we can assume that "has clear ethical issues" refers to the "official". </p><p class="MsoNormal">We can assume... but the writer shouldn't rely on OUR superior understanding of subject-verb agreement to make sense of the sentence. Better would be:</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><b><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 11.5pt;">Let's not elect A high-level government OFFICIAL </span></b><b><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 11.5pt;">who HAS clear ethical issues </span></b><b><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 11.5pt;">who MAKES decisions for millions.</span></b></span></p><p>Now if you read that aloud, you would probably mentally edit that to get rid of the second "who" and maybe the first too--</p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 11.5pt;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Let's not elect A high-level government OFFICIAL </span><span style="color: #04ff00;">with</span></span></b><b><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 11.5pt;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> clear ethical issues </span><span style="color: #04ff00;">to </span></span></b><b><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 11.5pt;"><span style="color: #04ff00;">MAKE</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> decisions for millions.</span></span></b></p><div><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 11.5pt;">Here we reduce a clause {"who has clear ethical issues" and "who makes decisions" are both relative clauses with a subject --who-- and a verb) to a phrase ("with" starts a prespositional phrase here, and "to make" starts an infinitive phrase). Reducing the, shall we call it "syntactical complexity", of a modifier usually makes the sentence clearer, as it's more obvious what the main subject/verb unit is (Let's not elect). </span></div><p>So... back to the original sentence. </p><p><b><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 11.5pt;">Let's not elect high-level government officials <u>who make decisions for millions</u> <i>who have clear ethical issues.</i></span><i> </i></span></b></p><p>The quickest fix is moving the "who have" clause to be adjacent to the word it modifies:</p><p><b><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 11.5pt;">Let's not elect high-level government officials </span></span></b><b><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 11.5pt;">who have clear ethical issues </span></span></b></p><p><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 11.5pt;">Then again we are going to have to go with an infinitive (to make) because now those stacked "whos" don't work--</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><b><span><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 11.5pt;">Let's not elect high-level government officials </span></span></b><b><span><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 11.5pt;">with clear ethical issues </span></span></b></span><b><span><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 11.5pt;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">to make decisions for millions</span><span style="color: red;">.</span></span></span></b></p><p><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 15.3333px;">I'm not pretending this is a great sentence. But it's a grammatical sentence that clearly conveys exactly what the author meant.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 15.3333px;">Another episode of read and revise li</span><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 15.3333px;">ke an editor. :) </span></p><p><b><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI"; font-size: 11.5pt;"><br /></span></span></b></p>Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-23571390793236710362022-05-19T15:13:00.002-05:002022-05-19T15:13:32.141-05:00Rules, Rules, Can I Please Break Them? <p><b><span style="color: #800180;">Rules, Rules, Can I Please Break Them?</span></b> </p><p><br /></p><p>Okay, one more guy making rules! This is Raymond Chandler's hard-won wisdom on plotting the crime:</p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic;">1) It must be credibly motivated, both as to the original situation and the dénouement.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">2) It must be technically sound as to the methods of murder and detection.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">3) It must be realistic in character, setting and atmosphere. It must be about real people in a real world.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">4) It must have a sound story value apart from the mystery element: i.e., the investigation itself must be an adventure worth reading.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">5) It must have enough essential simplicity to be explained easily when the time comes.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">6) It must baffle a reasonably intelligent reader.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">7) The solution must seem inevitable once revealed.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">8) It must not try to do everything at once. If it is a puzzle story operating in a rather cool, reasonable atmosphere, it cannot also be a violent adventure or a passionate romance.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">9) It must punish the criminal in one way or another, not necessarily by operation of the law…. If the detective fails to resolve the consequences of the crime, the story is an unresolved chord and leaves irritation behind it.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">10) It must be honest with the reader.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word !important;">And then, just for fun, some great Chandler quips (no, not the Chandler from Friends. This is the one he's probably named for):<span style="font-style: italic;"> </span></p><p class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Charter, Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 19px; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem 47.5938px; outline: 0px;">The French have a phrase for it. The bastards have a phrase for everything and they are always right. To say goodbye is to die a little.<br style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;" /> - <em style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;">The Long Goodbye</em></p><p class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Charter, Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 19px; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem 47.5938px; outline: 0px;">From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 10 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.<br style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;" />- <em style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;">The High Window</em></p><p class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Charter, Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 19px; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem 47.5938px; outline: 0px;">Dead men are heavier than broken hearts.<br style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;" />– <em style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;">The Big Sleep</em></p><p class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Charter, Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 19px; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem 47.5938px; outline: 0px;">I needed a drink, I needed a lot of life insurance, I needed a vacation, I needed a home in the country. What I had was a coat, a hat and a gun. I put them on and went out of the room.- <em style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;">Farewell, My Lovely</em></p><p class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Charter, Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 19px; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem 47.5938px; outline: 0px;">She gave me a smile I could feel in my hip pocket.<br style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;" /><em style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;">- Farewell, My Lovely</em></p><p class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Charter, Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 19px; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem 47.5938px; outline: 0px;">I'm an occasional drinker, the kind of guy who goes out for a beer and wakes up in Singapore with a full beard.<br style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;" />-<em style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;"> Philip Marlowe’s Guide To Life</em></p><p class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Charter, Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 19px; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem 47.5938px; outline: 0px;">Some days I feel like playing it smooth. Some days I feel like playing it like a waffle iron. <em style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;">- Trouble Is My Business</em></p><p class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Charter, Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 19px; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem 47.5938px; outline: 0px;">She smelled the way the Taj Mahal looks by moonlight.<br style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;" /><em style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;">- The Little Sister</em></p><p class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Charter, Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 19px; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem 47.5938px; outline: 0px;">I knew one thing: as soon as anyone said you didn’t need a gun, you’d better take one along that worked. <em style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;">- The Long Goodbye</em></p><p class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Charter, Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 19px; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem 47.5938px; outline: 0px;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;"><br /></em></p><p class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Charter, Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 19px; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem 47.5938px; outline: 0px;">Hard-bitten. Hard-won. Heart-broke wisdom. </p><p class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Charter, Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 19px; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem 47.5938px; outline: 0px;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;"></em></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjK69lIIuyRsH9RBylMzwNv5ikmPgVQmIhOfx0suGWMbzkaRWs_FpajnfUvx7ifxEYWi-P_xLMuJOUt3vh77u58QPtLfMeOlvxIk7blGvnHPL11-kCTcEYKKgR7ePbPYQq-KrvhAaSSMKlueTcV3OD5GM2y0NYvERVYFNHfmvEHbtHzYPAvbUT1a2domA" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="316" data-original-width="405" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjK69lIIuyRsH9RBylMzwNv5ikmPgVQmIhOfx0suGWMbzkaRWs_FpajnfUvx7ifxEYWi-P_xLMuJOUt3vh77u58QPtLfMeOlvxIk7blGvnHPL11-kCTcEYKKgR7ePbPYQq-KrvhAaSSMKlueTcV3OD5GM2y0NYvERVYFNHfmvEHbtHzYPAvbUT1a2domA" width="308" /></a></em></div><em style="box-sizing: border-box; outline: 0px;"><br /><br /></em><p></p>Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-46865707658677373432022-05-19T10:27:00.005-05:002022-05-19T15:29:00.612-05:00<p> </p><h1 style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #800180; font-size: large;">S.S. Van Dine's 20 Rules for Detective Stories</span></h1><br /><p><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">THE DETECTIVE story is a kind of intellectual game. It is more — it is a sporting event. And for the writing of detective stories there are very definite laws — unwritten, perhaps, but none the less binding; and every respectable and self-respecting concocter of literary mysteries lives up to them. Herewith, then, is a sort Credo, based partly on the practice of all the great writers of detective stories, and partly on the promptings of the honest author’s inner conscience. To wit:</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">1. The reader must have equal opportunity with the detective for solving the mystery. All clues must be plainly stated and described.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRXUCvtG7EChfOZCDCGiJy--AfNBvJCVRZYmDatWoTRRpU-c551wJRKeSFe63YwfYCWuJgXfpjFNWXGCh7oujOL-gxVy2rdnmE6tCMLuG9epW-TqWpyetoAGv0AYSaJTINCYlMOpKmUSn3JSHLIOBdJpb7ZNdCiDSKLhA0NLaf2FsGRwr_yfPwzTIGJw/s378/van%20dime%20book%20cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="378" data-original-width="257" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRXUCvtG7EChfOZCDCGiJy--AfNBvJCVRZYmDatWoTRRpU-c551wJRKeSFe63YwfYCWuJgXfpjFNWXGCh7oujOL-gxVy2rdnmE6tCMLuG9epW-TqWpyetoAGv0AYSaJTINCYlMOpKmUSn3JSHLIOBdJpb7ZNdCiDSKLhA0NLaf2FsGRwr_yfPwzTIGJw/s320/van%20dime%20book%20cover.jpg" width="218" /></a></div><p></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">2. No willful tricks or deceptions may be placed on the reader other than those played legitimately by the criminal on the detective himself.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">3. There must be no love interest. The business in hand is to bring a criminal to the bar of justice, not to bring a lovelorn couple to the hymeneal altar.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">4. The detective himself, or one of the official investigators, should never turn out to be the culprit. This is bald trickery, on a par with offering some one a bright penny for a five-dollar gold piece. It’s false pretenses.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">5. The culprit must be determined by logical deductions — not by accident or coincidence or unmotivated confession. To solve a criminal problem in this latter fashion is like sending the reader on a deliberate wild-goose chase, and then telling him, after he has failed, that you had the object of his search up your sleeve all the time. Such an author is no better than a practical joker.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">6. The detective novel must have a detective in it; and a detective is not a detective unless he detects. His function is to gather clues that will eventually lead to the person who did the dirty work in the first chapter; and if the detective does not reach his conclusions through an analysis of those clues, he has no more solved his problem than the schoolboy who gets his answer out of the back of the arithmetic.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">7. There simply must be a corpse in a detective novel, and the deader the corpse the better. No lesser crime than murder will suffice. Three hundred pages is far too much pother for a crime other than murder. After all, the reader’s trouble and expenditure of energy must be rewarded.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">8. The problem of the crime must he solved by strictly naturalistic means. Such methods for learning the truth as slate-writing, ouija-boards, mind-reading, spiritualistic se’ances, crystal-gazing, and the like, are taboo. A reader has a chance when matching his wits with a rationalistic detective, but if he must compete with the world of spirits and go chasing about the fourth dimension of metaphysics, he is defeated ab initio.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">9. There must be but one detective — that is, but one protagonist of deduction — one deus ex machina. To bring the minds of three or four, or sometimes a gang of detectives to bear on a problem, is not only to disperse the interest and break the direct thread of logic, but to take an unfair advantage of the reader. If there is more than one detective the reader doesn’t know who his codeductor is. It’s like making the reader run a race with a relay team.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">10. The culprit must turn out to be a person who has played a more or less prominent part in the story — that is, a person with whom the reader is familiar and in whom he takes an interest.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">11. A servant must not be chosen by the author as the culprit. This is begging a noble question. It is a too easy solution. The culprit must be a decidedly worth-while person — one that wouldn’t ordinarily come under suspicion.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">12. There must be but one culprit, no matter how many murders are committed. The culprit may, of course, have a minor helper or co-plotter; but the entire onus must rest on one pair of shoulders: the entire indignation of the reader must be permitted to concentrate on a single black nature.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">13. Secret societies, camorras, mafias, et al., have no place in a detective story. A fascinating and truly beautiful murder is irremediably spoiled by any such wholesale culpability. To be sure, the murderer in a detective novel should be given a sporting chance; but it is going too far to grant him a secret society to fall back on. No high-class, self-respecting murderer would want such odds.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">14. The method of murder, and the means of detecting it, must be be rational and scientific. That is to say, pseudo-science and purely imaginative and speculative devices are not to be tolerated in the roman policier. Once an author soars into the realm of fantasy, in the Jules Verne manner, he is outside the bounds of detective fiction, cavorting in the uncharted reaches of adventure.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">15. The truth of the problem must at all times be apparent — provided the reader is shrewd enough to see it. By this I mean that if the reader, after learning the explanation for the crime, should reread the book, he would see that the solution had, in a sense, been staring him in the face-that all the clues really pointed to the culprit — and that, if he had been as clever as the detective, he could have solved the mystery himself without going on to the final chapter. That the clever reader does often thus solve the problem goes without saying.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">16. A detective novel should contain no long descriptive passages, no literary dallying with side-issues, no subtly worked-out character analyses, no “atmospheric” preoccupations. such matters have no vital place in a record of crime and deduction. They hold up the action and introduce issues irrelevant to the main purpose, which is to state a problem, analyze it, and bring it to a successful conclusion. To be sure, there must be a sufficient descriptiveness and character delineation to give the novel verisimilitude.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglCRKf6zL3c7jZx7Ap9ksJD1cIuEPCcS4bWiGYPRVs1DQvcNaTnyuWF28tJVc7WqUsz4xz7e_vC_6cXAOA4Jr1wb2z-WO6_4F_3KZyoJ5yJHqr3xuMqSIdIzLCknfAorJiqd5b7hX8K7ttxvG-ikyjDi4BmWZIdXmyASaQzPqZPIKSXsAeOGuWRyI3kw/s467/van%20dime%201.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="467" data-original-width="316" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglCRKf6zL3c7jZx7Ap9ksJD1cIuEPCcS4bWiGYPRVs1DQvcNaTnyuWF28tJVc7WqUsz4xz7e_vC_6cXAOA4Jr1wb2z-WO6_4F_3KZyoJ5yJHqr3xuMqSIdIzLCknfAorJiqd5b7hX8K7ttxvG-ikyjDi4BmWZIdXmyASaQzPqZPIKSXsAeOGuWRyI3kw/s320/van%20dime%201.jpg" width="217" /></a></div><p></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">17. A professional criminal must never be shouldered with the guilt of a crime in a detective story. Crimes by housebreakers and bandits are the province of the police departments — not of authors and brilliant amateur detectives. A really fascinating crime is one committed by a pillar of a church, or a spinster noted for her charities.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">18. A crime in a detective story must never turn out to be an accident or a suicide. To end an odyssey of sleuthing with such an anti-climax is to hoodwink the trusting and kind-hearted reader.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">19. The motives for all crimes in detective stories should be personal. International plottings and war politics belong in a different category of fiction — in secret-service tales, for instance. But a murder story must be kept gemütlich, so to speak. It must reflect the reader’s everyday experiences, and give him a certain outlet for his own repressed desires and emotions.<br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Lora, Lora, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin: 1em 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word;">20. And (to give my Credo an even score of items) I herewith list a few of the devices which no self-respecting detective story writer will now avail himself of. They have been employed too often, and are familiar to all true lovers of literary crime. To use them is a confession of the author’s ineptitude and lack of originality. (a) Determining the identity of the culprit by comparing the butt of a cigarette left at the scene of the crime with the brand smoked by a suspect. (b) The bogus spiritualistic se’ance to frighten the culprit into giving himself away. (c) Forged fingerprints. (d) The dummy-figure alibi. (e) The dog that does not bark and thereby reveals the fact that the intruder is familiar. (f)The final pinning of the crime on a twin, or a relative who looks exactly like the suspected, but innocent, person. (g) The hypodermic syringe and the knockout drops. (h) The commission of the murder in a locked room after the police have actually broken in. (i) The word association test for guilt. (j) The cipher, or code letter, which is eventually unraveled by the sleuth.</p><p><br /></p><p>If you're interested in "golden-age" detective stories, list<a href="https://www.greatdetectives.net/detectives/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">en to the Great Detectives of Old Radio</a> podcast, which has restored the old radio dramas of SS. Van Dine. </p><p>https://www.greatdetectives.net/detectives/</p><p><br /></p><p><span face="BreveText, helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 19px; letter-spacing: 0.108px;"><a href="http://www.openculture.com/2016/02/20-rules-for-writing-detective-stories.html">http://www.openculture.com/2016/02/20-rules-for-writing-detective-stories.html</a></span></p>Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-48111975317871442562022-05-19T10:21:00.001-05:002022-05-19T10:21:10.021-05:00Ronald Knox: 10 Commandments of Detective Fiction-- Which do you argue with? <div class="separator"><article class="article-content" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: right; color: #333333; float: right; font-family: BrandonGrotesque-Regular; font-size: 17px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-top: 30px;"><h2 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: black; font-family: EamesCenturyModern-Bold; font-size: 18px; font-weight: 500; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; z-index: 2;"><img alt="Ronald Knox: 10 Commandments of Detective Fiction" class="image-left" height="200" src="https://www.writingclasses.com/image/thumb/1002?width=150" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; float: left; font-family: BrandonGrotesque-Regular; font-size: 17px; margin: 0px 20px 20px 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: middle;" width="188" /></h2><h2 style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: EamesCenturyModern-Bold; font-size: 18px; font-weight: 500; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; z-index: 2;"><br style="color: black;" /></h2><p style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 22px;"><br /></p><h2 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: black; font-family: EamesCenturyModern-Bold; font-size: 18px; font-weight: 500; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; z-index: 2;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Ronald Knox: 10 Commandments of Detective Fiction</span></h2><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></div><p style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 22px;">Ronald Knox was quite the eclectic fella-- a Roman Catholic priest (so of course he has to compile 10 Commandments), as well as a mystery writer who hung out with Agatha Christie and GK Chesterton in the Detection Club. He came up with these rules for mysteries, some of which (#5?) are kinda obsolete</p><ol style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 0px;"><li style="box-sizing: border-box; padding: 9px;">The criminal must be someone mentioned in the early part of the story, but must not be anyone whose thoughts the reader has been allowed to follow.</li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; padding: 9px;">All supernatural or preternatural agencies are ruled out as a matter of course.</li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; padding: 9px;">Not more than one secret room or passage is allowable.</li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; padding: 9px;">No hitherto undiscovered poisons may be used, nor any appliance which will need a long scientific explanation at the end.</li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; padding: 9px;">No Chinese man must figure in the story.</li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; padding: 9px;">No accident must ever help the detective, nor must he ever have an unaccountable intuition which proves to be right.</li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; padding: 9px;">The detective must not himself commit the crime.</li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; padding: 9px;">The detective must not light on any clues which are not instantly produced for the inspection of the reader.</li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; padding: 9px;">The stupid friend of the detective, the Watson, must not conceal any thoughts which pass through his mind; his intelligence must be slightly, but very slightly, below that of the average reader.</li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; padding: 9px;">Twin brothers, and doubles generally, must not appear unless we have been duly prepared for them.</li></ol><p style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px 0px 22px;"><br /></p></article></div><p> Well, these are fun, anyway! I have another list of TWENTY I'll post later.</p><h2 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: EamesCenturyModern-Bold; font-size: 18px; font-weight: 500; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; z-index: 2;"><img alt="Ronald Knox: 10 Commandments of Detective Fiction" class="image-left" height="200" src="https://www.writingclasses.com/image/thumb/1002?width=150" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; float: left; font-family: BrandonGrotesque-Regular; font-size: 17px; margin: 0px 20px 20px 0px; vertical-align: middle;" width="188" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: BrandonGrotesque-Regular; font-size: 17px;"></span></h2><h2 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: EamesCenturyModern-Bold; font-size: 18px; font-weight: 500; line-height: 25px; margin: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; z-index: 2;"><br /></h2><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></div>Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-90580008307358995062022-04-25T10:35:00.004-05:002022-05-25T14:44:32.967-05:00Correctly Placing Misplaced Modifiers<p> Alas, I constantly edit, even when I'm not being paid for it, the author didn't ask for it, and I can't actually share it. It's just a compulsion that happens as I read, especially news stories that have presumably already been edited. </p><p>And heck, why not share the compulsion here? Maybe someone will learn from it. I do 'revision sessions' sometimes with students, just editing on-screen and explaining as I go, and this misplaced modifier problem is one of the most common and also one of the most easily fixed mistakes.</p><p>In a sentence, a "modifier" is a word or phrase or clause which "modifies" or deepens or narrows the meaning of another part of the sentence. The most common modifiers are the one-word adjectives and adverbs which add to the meaning of a noun or verb, like: The girl's outfit <i>proudly</i> proclaimed her <i>Ukrainian </i>heritage.</p><p>But often the modifier can be an entire phrase: </p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #990000;">The play took place <i>in the old Gem Theater</i>. </span></li><li><span style="color: #990000;">He was waiting <i>for the bus to come</i>. </span></li><li><span style="color: #990000;"><i>The morning before the party,</i> the dog got sick.</span></li></ul><br />Or the modifier can be an entire clause (with a noun and verb):<br /><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: #990000;">He didn't notice the shocked silence that fell across the room <i>when he wrote his name on the board.</i></span></li><li><span style="color: #990000;"><i>The more you remember, </i>the more you have to forget.</span></li><li><span style="color: #990000;">--</span></li></ul><p></p><p><br /></p><p>Some modifiers are "bound"-- that is, they have to be in a particular position, like just before the noun they modify. You know-- The <i>pink </i>dress. (Not -- The dress <i>pink</i>.) These "bound" modifiers are usually single words or short phrases that modify a noun (that is, they are "adjectival," which means "modifies the noun" :). </p><p>Usually, however, modifiers are unbound, especially the phrase and clause ones, and therein lies the problem. An unbound modifier can "legally" be moved around to different parts of the sentence, but what's possible isn't always what you mean. Sometimes being too free-range with modifiers creates the horrific crime of a dangler, where impossible and sometimes painful things happen:</p><p><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">One day she hunted for <span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span>a moose wearing diamond
earrings</span>.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>Decisively blocking the knife, her eyes</b> </span>narrowed with purpose.</p><p>Ouch.</p><p><br /></p><p>I have a lot of examples of this kind of mistake, but just for now, let's fix an easy one, adapted from a sentence in a major mag article:</p><p><span style="color: red;"><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px;">She admitted her enjoyment of the bullying </span><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px;">on Facebook last year. </span></span></p><p>Many misplaced phrases have to do with time or place-- the "where and when" of the sentence. I see this most often when there are more than one actions in the sentence, as here:</p><p><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;">She /admitted /her enjoyment /of the bullying. </span><span style="color: red;"><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px;">(I</span><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px;">gnore the "on Facebook" and "last year" for a moment so we can focus on the kernel sentence.)</span></span></p><p><span><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #38761d; font-size: 17px;">Subject/Verb/direct object/prepositional adjectival phrase.</span></span></p><p>We usually think of action as being represented by the sentence verb (here, <i>admitted</i>), but actions can also be shown in nouns (participation, bullying). So here there are three actions, all of which took place but perhaps not all at once. </p><p>Actions take place somewhere sometime, and "somewhere sometime" are often important "condition markers" to add to a sentence. (I mean, these words and phrases mark an important condition that changes or specifies something about HOW the action happens.)</p><p>But while the position of where/when modifiers might be moveable, the reality isn't: SOMETHING happened last year. SOMETHING happened on Facebook. </p><p>Options:</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZPyb8jGDCLUG4qG2Q45B55G0wHpvHqAKH5T7fwR45EpZw6RrIA9bwQCyf9qoIbQdbBHxzXDXzZJMCN2nzR9v2_T8AT3ZsGBV8DMuShuDhbjI8RZRECTe3vzue1jrMdLlMjEhIZEIPH93xZ7-KEFUz0C50rcFJUaEseeNiu0F3-92qy54mn9R6cmur7g/s280/enjoy%20social%20media.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="280" data-original-width="187" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZPyb8jGDCLUG4qG2Q45B55G0wHpvHqAKH5T7fwR45EpZw6RrIA9bwQCyf9qoIbQdbBHxzXDXzZJMCN2nzR9v2_T8AT3ZsGBV8DMuShuDhbjI8RZRECTe3vzue1jrMdLlMjEhIZEIPH93xZ7-KEFUz0C50rcFJUaEseeNiu0F3-92qy54mn9R6cmur7g/s1600/enjoy%20social%20media.jpg" width="187" /></a></div><span style="color: red;"><b>1. The admission.</b></span><p></p><p><span style="color: red;">She admitted last year...</span></p><p>And/or-</p><p><span style="color: red;">She admitted on Facebook...</span></p><p><b><span style="color: #38761d;">2. Her </span></b><span style="color: #38761d;"><b>enjoyment.</b></span></p><p><span style="color: #38761d;"><b>... </b> her enjoyment on Facebook...</span></p><p><span style="color: #38761d;">and/or-</span></p><p><span style="color: #38761d;">... her </span><span style="color: #38761d;">enjoyment</span><span style="color: #38761d;"> last year...<br /></span></p><p><b><span style="color: #351c75;">3. The bullying.</span></b></p><p><span style="color: #351c75;">...of the bullying on Facebook.</span></p><p><span style="color: #351c75;">and/or-</span></p><p><span style="color: #351c75;">...of the bullying last year.</span></p><p><span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span></p><p><b><span style="color: #38761d;">(I know it's not a great sentence because I modified it to protect the guilty. :)</span></b></p><p><span style="color: #38761d;">Because the author placed the where/when modifiers at the end of the sentence, right after "bullying", readers will be forced to assume that the bullying took place last year on Facebook. And that might be exactly what happened (although it's not in this case).</span></p><p><span style="color: #38761d;">But... what if that's not right? What if the bullying took place <i>last year </i>at school, and she enjoyed viewing a video about it last week, and is only <i>admitting </i>it on Facebook?</span></p><p>What happened on Facebook?</p><p>What happened last year?</p><p>(Some of this info might have been revealed in previous sentences, though not in this case. And still, that's no excuse for imprecision in this sentence. When all it takes is a moment to get it right, make it right. :)</p><p>What's a revision which makes those very clear so that the readers won't be confused about what happened when and where?</p><p><span style="color: red;"><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px;">On Facebook, she admitted her enjoyment of the bullying </span><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px;">last yea</span></span><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;">r.</span></p><p><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;">or</span></p><p><span style="color: #cc0000;"><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px;">She admitted on Facebook her enjoyment of the bullying </span><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px;">last year.</span></span></p><p><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;">Sometimes it helps to "bind" a modifier to the modified word so that there's absolutely no question--</span></p><p><span style="color: red;"><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px;">She admitted on Facebook her enjoyment of <i>last year's bullying</i></span><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px;"><i>.</i></span></span></p><p><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;"><i>==</i></span></p><p><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;">This is just one sentence and one set of facts, and one point of misplacement. Though I will try, there's no way to identify every possible opportunity for imprecision.<i> </i></span></p><p><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;">There are as many options as there are possible permutations of actions and actors and conditions in any sentence.</span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 17px;"> But ONLY ONE IS CORRECT. </i><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: 17px;">This isn't about delicate subtext or deliberate ambiguity or debated issues. This is just about placing factual information in the correct place in the sentence. You can get it right as easily as you can get it wrong. But you have to recognize when it's wrong, and then make it right.</span></p><p>Anyhoo, point is: Be sensitive to the meaning you create when you put a modifier somewhere in the sentence. Stop and think about the various interpretations the readers might make of this placement, and whether moving the modifier might make more sense. Time and/or place modifiers are especially tricky.</p><p>So if I mean the ADMISSION, not the enjoyment or the bullying, took place on Facebook, I have two easy options (the first being optimal). While we're at it, let's make clear it was the bullying and not the admission that took place last year.</p><p><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px;"><span style="color: red;">On Facebook</span><i><span style="color: red;">,</span> </i><span style="color: #222222;">s</span></span><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;">he admitted her <span style="color: black; font-size: medium;">enjoyment</span> in the <b>bullying last year</b></span><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;">.</span></p><p><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px;"><span style="color: #222222;">She admitted </span><span style="color: #cc0000;">on Facebook </span></span><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;">her <span style="color: black; font-size: medium;">enjoyment</span> in<b> last year's bullying</b></span><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;">.</span></p><p><span face="Retina, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px;">I have a bunch more examples that I'll post and fix in the future. Usually in order not to shame the writers and editors (who, grumble grumble, should know better), I'll change the words and keep the construction.</span></span></p><p><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;"></span></p><p><span face="Retina, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 17px;">This is what passes for giggly gossip in my life. :)</span></span></p><p><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;"><i>A blast from the past-</i></span></p><p><a href="https://buffalonews.com/news/in-praise-of-only/article_22b5d6cd-1407-582e-acf6-54851a31dbe1.html" target="_blank">The columnist James Kilpatrick used to devote his first column of the year </a>to the many ways you can place and misplace the word "only" as a modifier in a sentence, and used this example to show the difference in meaning:</p><ol style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #667587; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.6; list-style-position: outside; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem 1.4rem; padding: 0px;"><li style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1rem; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Only John hit Peter in the nose.</li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1rem; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">John hit only Peter in the nose.</li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1rem; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">John hit Peter only in the nose.</li><li style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1rem; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">John only hit Peter in the nose.</li></ol><p>(Wouldn't you say "ON the nose"? I would. I'm not sure how deep I would want to hit IN the nose.)</p><p>"Almost" and "already" and "just" are other common modifiers that can be moved almost anywhere, but each placement means something different.</p><p><br /></p><p><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;"><br /></span></p><p><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3nZV6_wNSY" target="_blank">Here is a nice British professor who does a great job of showing how to determine what a modifier modifies and how it works in a sentence. </a></span></p><p><span face="Retina, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 17px;">You can find some <a href="https://guides.lib.uoguelph.ca/c.php?g=696322&p=4999526" target="_blank">good examples of misplaced modifiers at this Guelph University site. </a></span></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-50724617527621635382022-03-14T21:53:00.000-05:002022-03-14T21:53:01.200-05:00What is your story's praxis?<p> </p><p><span style="font-family: times;">I like to listen to the author readings of their own stories in the <i>New Yorker</i> podcast. It's an enjoyable way to keep up with what's going on in literary fiction, and often inspires bloggy-type ruminations for me. A recent story, <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/podcast/the-writers-voice/zach-williams-reads-wood-sorrel-house" target="_blank">“Wood Sorrel House” by Zach Williams</a>, made me think about the "story praxis", which is my own not-very-precise term for "what the central process is". Determining this is more helpful, I think, in a short story because they are usually more focused and narrow in purpose than a novel. But it might be useful also to consider what your story's central process is, even in a novel.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">For example, the praxis (or process or progression) might be an interrogation or a quest or... Well, in this story, the praxis is a puzzle-- one that is never solved. This isn't a real spoiler-- the question is posed on the second page-- but the main characters find themselves in a remote cabin with no neighbors, phone, internet, or memory of how they came to be here. That's the puzzle at the center: Who put them here and why?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: times;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEghwxLAU5KZktZnfT9RpBjxr_h6O7qM_pNMJTICdzvl5i_vy0FRUEZPLjfqxX6ccKUheHdd6N-5C0dY3tAVp2vABPlchHrFMdeXU0-s2lCUOkP2QkPKChJhj1tlIXvyb6V_chmNVHWzip8279S8Tsi8o0AA1I88TX3soPIlr0p27aT1yAvqoPhTA_a6zQ=s448" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="339" data-original-width="448" height="151" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEghwxLAU5KZktZnfT9RpBjxr_h6O7qM_pNMJTICdzvl5i_vy0FRUEZPLjfqxX6ccKUheHdd6N-5C0dY3tAVp2vABPlchHrFMdeXU0-s2lCUOkP2QkPKChJhj1tlIXvyb6V_chmNVHWzip8279S8Tsi8o0AA1I88TX3soPIlr0p27aT1yAvqoPhTA_a6zQ=w200-h151" width="200" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: times;">It's a very intriguing puzzle, and shapes the story both narratively (as they try to figure it out) and syntactically (the prose style is descriptive and observational). What makes this a <i>New Yorker</i> story, I think, is that they never do find out. They keep creating tests and experimenting and seeking clues, but that quest becomes so circular, they start to lose track of why they are even trying. There's a spiral-shape, I think, to the narrative, as they circle and circle the question, and it always takes them deeper into un-knowing.</span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: times;">BTW, this was Mr. Williams's first published story. Imagine STARTING your short story career at the <i>New Yorker!</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p><p><br /><span style="font-family: times;"><br /></span></p>Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-55667608370398591822022-02-16T12:54:00.003-06:002022-02-16T13:04:15.143-06:00Has a publisher held your book hostage for 35 years? Here's a way to get the rights back, legal and free.<p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjKJ9PMPltlEZ-uamGZhfwBlM33MDjuUQRF-TKQiPMCu2TcGWRs4C7u9co6m500VVmk9Vr5p5Pez7GNGC_ZMNR7ouLoefJvCqeR5L_rAFabI2XUgu8_PeTdXY8LJjzcSoA7SGvbmipr9abOMBEVQM92sTOuzg_ziL4C21_QS3_Oc8cMetKCfT3_GwjEhQ=s768" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="461" data-original-width="768" height="143" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjKJ9PMPltlEZ-uamGZhfwBlM33MDjuUQRF-TKQiPMCu2TcGWRs4C7u9co6m500VVmk9Vr5p5Pez7GNGC_ZMNR7ouLoefJvCqeR5L_rAFabI2XUgu8_PeTdXY8LJjzcSoA7SGvbmipr9abOMBEVQM92sTOuzg_ziL4C21_QS3_Oc8cMetKCfT3_GwjEhQ=w239-h143" width="239" /></a></div> I actually sold my first book when I was a pre-teen, okay, 24 years old. That was back in the Dark Ages, pre-internet, heck, pre-personal computers. There was a huge publishing boom then-- paperback originals-- and I know there are many like me who assumed then that the "7-year-limited-license" meant that the publisher only got the use of the book for 7 years. Silly me!<p></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p> In fact, publishers had all sorts of ways to keep extending that license without our permission, keeping our own books from us for decades with minimal payment and no new contract.</p><p>But... Congress enacted a rule allowing artists of all kinds (Paul McCartney used this for his old songs) to regain the rights to their works after 35 years post-sale. There's now a five-year period where we can easily reclaim the rights to our own works. </p><p>You can learn more about that here:</p><p>https://libraries.mit.edu/news/reclaiming-copyright-2/14404/</p><p><i><a href="https://libraries.mit.edu/news/reclaiming-copyright-2/14404/" target="_blank">Reclaiming your copyright after 35 years: a new opportunity</a><span style="white-space: pre;"> </span> <span style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </i></p><p><i>Starting in 2013, authors began to have the ability to reclaim copyrights they transferred to a publisher in 1978 or later. Copyright law permits authors to reclaim their copyrights 35 years after transferring rights for purposes of publication. Authors interested in reclaiming copyright need to file a notice in advance, according to a designated timetable.</i></p><p><i>Reclaiming copyright allows the author to make new publishing arrangements, including making the work openly available on the web, or taking advantage of new economic opportunities.</i></p><p>Take back the rights! :)</p><p><br /></p><p>Alicia</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-21598102081214290662022-02-09T11:18:00.006-06:002022-02-09T11:41:19.206-06:0015 Questions to Get into Your Character and Setting
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="display: none; mso-hide: all;"> </span> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>15 Questions to Get into Your Character and Setting</b></p><p class="MsoNormal">I'm working on a 7-day "writer's block buster" program, and have "listing" as one of the techniques. </p><p class="MsoNormal">This exploration doesn't exactly fit into that exercise, but I wanted to post it here because it's sort of similar, and .... well, I think it's useful when we feel like we can't really get into the emotions and perceptions of our character. I'll list the questions so you can try this if you want, then give an example of what I did with it. What I like is by keeping it all pithy-- one line for each question-- I was forced to focus on the most evocative details. It's a really good way to go deep quickly.</p><p class="MsoNormal">So this is adapted from an exercise by Les Edgerton, who wrote
the great Writer's Digest book <b>Voice</b>.</p><p class="MsoNormal">It's about getting into character and FEELING the setting in this scene, and then letting the setting details lead to the character emotion.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br />
Read each question aloud and then jot down its answer without pausing. As the scene opens, become the scene POV character– YOU are the character.</p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgwJR6zzF2yhPBPZzsUXXtnVNNapH1TyOc4LP-_JPdmkfhIWKB3gjxh08umLgg95kymu26zAh45fbcZwuJ4KYKkTYnq9l5oH3Pu16tr2tt6JhXQovmcz1hIwSbbcxwljxntlOZOO7ig9_1JziuyFs-Y-vXYFJJVMxKBxkIuUvVHI0KRZvpP2NAibN-Q1g=s2048" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgwJR6zzF2yhPBPZzsUXXtnVNNapH1TyOc4LP-_JPdmkfhIWKB3gjxh08umLgg95kymu26zAh45fbcZwuJ4KYKkTYnq9l5oH3Pu16tr2tt6JhXQovmcz1hIwSbbcxwljxntlOZOO7ig9_1JziuyFs-Y-vXYFJJVMxKBxkIuUvVHI0KRZvpP2NAibN-Q1g=w200-h150" width="200" /></a></div><br />
Where are you?<br />
<br />
What do you see right around you?<br />
<br />
What time is it? What is the light like?<br />
<br />
What is your body doing?<br />
<br />
What do you hear right this moment?<br />
<br />
What do you think that sound is?<br />
<br />
What do you feel under your feet?<br />
<br />
What do you feel in your hands?<br />
<br />
What do you feel on your face?<br />
<br />
What do you feel in your heart?<br />
<br />
What do you smell?<br />
<br />
What do you taste in your mouth?<br />
<br />
Who is with you?<br />
<br />
What do you hope will happen?<br />
<br />
What do you fear will happen?<br />
<br />
---<br />
<br />
Okay, what did you learn about your character and setting???? And, most
important, now that you know all that, how are you going to use it in your
scene?<br /><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /><p class="MsoNormal">So here's an example of how I used this free-association exercise as a way to feel the setting from inside the character. </p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>
<b>(Carrie's point of view-- at her gran's cottage after the funeral)</b><br />
Where are you?<br />
<em>Kitchen of Gran's cottage.</em><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjjdfMETouio_e9nSFilp_H1I9t_fkHKfF-xd7E4HDJ0hKH1pGZq1WFco-VQwAoVWa2Ki9nl4R-Qr76DLlZA29hBDFvdpwlJqFM3JZJ1E1Nuf8Wk9oQBXHUefVlSwttMNMfdiizwoljribo_zvp-B2XKYIlo9nCk9GQCZYiypbnDuBkBCdiGm5GbPVaGQ=s801" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="552" data-original-width="801" height="138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjjdfMETouio_e9nSFilp_H1I9t_fkHKfF-xd7E4HDJ0hKH1pGZq1WFco-VQwAoVWa2Ki9nl4R-Qr76DLlZA29hBDFvdpwlJqFM3JZJ1E1Nuf8Wk9oQBXHUefVlSwttMNMfdiizwoljribo_zvp-B2XKYIlo9nCk9GQCZYiypbnDuBkBCdiGm5GbPVaGQ=w200-h138" width="200" /></a></div><br /> <br />
What do you see right around you?<br />
<em>The yellow vinyl breakfast nook booth, the old sink with the window above </em><i><em>it and a dirty pot soaking.</em></i><br />
<br /><br /><div><br /></div><div>
What time is it? What is the light like?<br />
<em>Twilight. Darkness edging outside. I have turned the overhead light on </em><i><em>and the porchlight too.</em></i><br />
<br />
What is your body doing?<br />
<em>Standing at sink, hands in soapy water.</em><br />
<br />
What do you hear right this moment?<br />
<em>Muffled voices out in the living room. Water splashing under my hands.</em><br />
<br />
What do you think that sound is?<br />
<em>The friends who came to Gran's wake are saying goodbye to my husband </em><i><em>Josh. I should be out there to thank them for coming.</em></i><br />
<br />
What do you feel under your feet?<br />
<em>The old yellow linoleum floor. Now Gran will let me replace it.</em><br />
<br />
What do you feel in your hands?<br />
<em>Water. Soap. The aluminum pot. Bits of gritty food from the pot.</em><div><i><br /></i><em><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi5OBb6LhYoX0zGnAouDTtjLkNvi4uvlgg4F5Zusq_6AzHnQS0ssWxfcpIEDH3BuU5nId0AB3AQtWuleR1sIKkWnamKXAV6AEQGemvuhTwMthJSYjLEYMvyaWJfKyYSbTOUfuTqXehmC-6QOa0XB9t1jP4dzW0gnbZxp6_RLmEaDlawPkloIrQSPfokHg=s3620" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3620" data-original-width="2400" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi5OBb6LhYoX0zGnAouDTtjLkNvi4uvlgg4F5Zusq_6AzHnQS0ssWxfcpIEDH3BuU5nId0AB3AQtWuleR1sIKkWnamKXAV6AEQGemvuhTwMthJSYjLEYMvyaWJfKyYSbTOUfuTqXehmC-6QOa0XB9t1jP4dzW0gnbZxp6_RLmEaDlawPkloIrQSPfokHg=s320" width="212" /></a></div><br /></em><br />
<br />
What do you feel on your face? </div><div><em>Dried tears. Dried soap where I touched.</em><br />
<br />
What do you feel in your heart?<br />
<em>Lostness. Anger.</em><br />
<br />
What do you smell?<br />
<em>Dishwasher soap. The last remains of the haloupki Mrs. Novak brought--</em><i><br />
<em>tomato and cabbage.</em></i><br />
<br /><br /></div><div>
What do you taste in your mouth?<br />
<em>Hard water from the well. Bitter.</em><i><br />
</i><br /><br /><br />
Who is with you?<br />
<em>Gran's friends. Aunt Barb. My husband Josh. My high school sweetheart </em><i><em>Zach. They're all out in the living room. But I'm alone here in the
kitchen.</em></i><br />
<br />
What do you hope will happen?<br />
<em>That everyone will leave. Josh too.</em><i><br />
</i><br />
What do you fear will happen?<br />
<em>That everyone will leave. Josh too.</em></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEijYzJLLNjq27jxrj79XJCthoysVTPvVAQ4xC1eBVxgEpdeavptHSrSIxAh7h7GFd4_NWzH2vCyjAAAGzrByZa_vfppPeiY2grfLGhLJYRrNAf9-GUAduKCprFTxRuV0GI7Kp9V-F0NDrjnWuuAM66FqcPaIQkrfgxfGgsT2HWNhQeCSskfPmIYqW9TSw=s250" style="clear: right; display: inline !important; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="250" data-original-width="250" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEijYzJLLNjq27jxrj79XJCthoysVTPvVAQ4xC1eBVxgEpdeavptHSrSIxAh7h7GFd4_NWzH2vCyjAAAGzrByZa_vfppPeiY2grfLGhLJYRrNAf9-GUAduKCprFTxRuV0GI7Kp9V-F0NDrjnWuuAM66FqcPaIQkrfgxfGgsT2HWNhQeCSskfPmIYqW9TSw=w200-h200" width="200" /></a><i><br /></i>
<br />
Just freewriting that made me realize how estranged she was from her husband, and how this funeral made that clear. The washing the dishes, avoiding him, in Gran's kitchen, that made their estrangement resonant.<br />
------</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Analyze and Apply</b><br />
<br />
Work for the emotion. Locate it. Embed it in the details. Make the character interact with the setting– but make the interaction manifest the emotion. So she's not in the living room crying with the other mourners– she's washing dishes in the kitchen, so we get the idea she's avoiding everyone. The water is warm but gritty with food bits. What does that say? Heck, I don't know, but it's sad without saying it's sad... like even this cleansing activity isn't so cleansing, just like the ritual of the funeral doesn't actually provide much closure. Everything in the kitchen reminds her of Gran, but not in a simple way– she thinks of the yellow linoleum Gran never let her replace, for example.<br />
<br />
Maybe she'd been crying, but now the tears are dry on her face.<br />
<br />
One thing about real emotion is that it's not black-and-white. It's kinda complicated. It's not always direct. So she loved her Gran, but it's hard to face her death straight on. So where is Gran? And where isn't she?<br />Gran's in that old kitchen– the memory is there. But not in the obvious things like a framed needlework. Look for something a bit off– the peeling yellow linoleum Gran didn't let Carrie replace.</div><div><br /></div><div> When my grandmother died, we were all flummoxed about what to do with those awful commemorative plates that she had mounted on the wall by the dinette. She used to ask everyone she knew who went on vacation to bring back a plate for her. So there was a plate with the outline of the<br />
<st1:place w:st="on"><st1:placename w:st="on">Eiffel</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st="on">Tower</st1:placetype></st1:place>, and one that proclaimed Wisconsin
Dells! You know the sort of plate I mean. </div><div><br /></div><div>Well, none of us wanted them, but we couldn't throw them away. We ended up giving them to an old aunt, who wept over them like they were the Faberge Easter Egg collection. Anyway, doesn't that tell<br />
you something about my grandma? And about me, that I loved her but really didn't want her dumb plates?<br />
<br />
Use such details if you can. Objects carry emotional significance. Let's say after the funeral you're delegated to go through your grandmother's clothes to sort them out to give to Goodwill. What one item can you not give away? That item has emotional significance. You don't have to know why exactly ("I can smell her Emeraude perfume?") but it matters to
you, right? Well, you don't necessarily have to know why you put this object there in the scene, but if it resonates within you, there's a reason.<br />
<br />
I asked this at a workshop, and a woman in the front row said, with a breaking voice, "I kept a flannel shirt my husband wore." She knew exactly what I meant– because she'd done it herself, kept one item of emotional significance after her husband's death.<br />
<br />
Avoid the generic. Don't go quirky for quirky's sake, but when it comes to objects, don't choose the same one everyone would choose. Let's say you have a young woman who is about to go off to college. What surprising item does she take with her? What does she leave behind? </div><div><br /></div><div>If she takes the photobooth picture of her and her best friend and leaves behind her old teddy bear, the reader isn't going to get much of a charge, because that's kind of generic. If she takes, oh, let's see, her piggy bank and leaves behind her passport... hmm. Now that means something unique. Don't know what... but the reader will figure it out. "She's afraid that she'll just leave– never go back. So she leaves her passport so that she can't just take off. She can't just leave home forever." Well, okay, maybe...<br />
all I know is when I challenged my subconscious, that's what it told me.<br />
<br />
Give your character something to do in the scene. I tend to write dialogue-heavy scenes, where all they are doing is talking (in a fascinating way, of course :). But if I put them in a meaningful setting,<br />
or make it meaningful, and think about what there is to do in that setting, what objects are nearby. Give them a task, even if it's just getting dressed or washing the dishes. One writer told me she had a<br />
character talking while he cleaned a gun, then when he finished, he loaded the gun and shot the person he was talking to! Now that's using an object to show emotion. :)<br />
<br />
Just remember not to get heavyhanded, 10th grade English class symbolic mode. Instead of using generic symbols (the lowering sky, the cross reflected in the puddle), think about what object would have symbolic, emotional,or metaphorical significance to this character. We don't have to love<br />
antique thimbles ourselves as long as we understand that this thimble signifies something important to the heroine. We can utterly hate muscle cars as ecologically unsound gas guzzlers, but we can still "feel"
for the guy when he discovers a scratch on the GTO he restored with his older brother.<br />
<br />
Look for objects which matter to the characters, and then let them work with them, use them. Also consider putting those objects at risk. Or have the objects put them at risk. Let's face it, people have DIED running back into their burning house to save a photo album or Mom's embroidered<br />
pillowcases. My sister and I used to groan about my parents who kept this horrible old skillet of my grandma's, with a bad handle that rotates and dumps the hot food on your feet half the time. Not only would my parents not throw it away, they still used it every day! My sis and I talked about stealing it and burying it in the woods. :)<p></p><p class="MsoNormal">
</p><p class="MsoNormal">And you know what?
When my parents died, my sister grabbed that skillet, and still uses it. And I bet she still hasn't fixed the handle.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj1aAkptyVxgAaWnrqrmG57zwq26VxmUAb455_CQg3SuNa_oKHF7bZb13CT4Lynn-lpJ5MP8EZi6XgefJl5--rYC70XSrZt6n1WwPcNwlUe4n5_cN9vSDVZWd5iZ4qSIxOqT8iJqLnAdfj9bkSM_cfeLMl8jK4bl4UFryExfgDcHfCKEjeRn_pdZYooGQ=s276" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="276" data-original-width="164" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj1aAkptyVxgAaWnrqrmG57zwq26VxmUAb455_CQg3SuNa_oKHF7bZb13CT4Lynn-lpJ5MP8EZi6XgefJl5--rYC70XSrZt6n1WwPcNwlUe4n5_cN9vSDVZWd5iZ4qSIxOqT8iJqLnAdfj9bkSM_cfeLMl8jK4bl4UFryExfgDcHfCKEjeRn_pdZYooGQ" width="164" /></a></div><br /><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div></div>Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-12887423736914845922022-01-30T16:06:00.001-06:002022-01-30T16:06:14.186-06:00Heroic Flaw: Free Characterization Workshop with Alicia Rasley 2/12 2pm ET<p> <img class="ember-view" id="ember2410" src="https://d1ozavpmxc45g.cloudfront.net/uploads/user/avatar/455027/thumb_df8ccd70-aab0-4fb5-b0cc-665f12bc447f.jpg?&Expires=1667161087&Signature=Ybi8mMVuMnCldmyhcXydcL4vvHkmrXyVehEU42jir8W4-yvi4ZmejlqzLo7MHblNJ6KPXwBTw272HCTz1M6jHw__&Key-Pair-Id=APKAJT6J25ZLDRKK55WA" /> Alicia T Rasley</p>
<p class="present-blurb">PRESENTS A FREE LIVE WEBINAR</p>
<h1><a href="https://expertise.tv/webinar/the-heroic-flaw-a-characterization-workshop-with-alicia-rasley/landing" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Heroic Flaw: Characterization Workshop with Alicia Rasley</a></h1>
<h2 class="webinar-takeaway">Deepen your characterization with the Heroic Flaw</h2>
<h2 class="date-and-time"><span class="date">February 12th 2022 </span><span class="date-separator" data-bindattr-2414="2414">//</span> <span class="time">2:00pm ET</span></h2>
<p>The Heroic Flaw: To deepen your characterization, learn to create "The Heroic Flaw": That which makes them great brings them down! We'll discuss how to use the character's great strength against them, to bring them into conflict, and force them to change.<br />This workshop will be presented Feb. 12 by Alicia Rasley, award-winning writer, experienced editor, and affirmative teacher.</p>
<p><a href="https://expertise.tv/webinar/the-heroic-flaw-a-characterization-workshop-with-alicia-rasley/landing" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Sign up here! Even if you can't attend then, sign up and I'll send a replay link after.</a></p>
<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://expertise.tv/webinar/the-heroic-flaw-a-characterization-workshop-with-alicia-rasley/landing" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjP6DbY024k2NCv0yjhKl5e72ORQ0TAgiJ8wyL7z6QTFySH_a2-CsU53-qTXJE6IzoY66LC71i5lqqVrokRBZ0MAU0tYtxsA7EBYiNON96ogImfnkeTRlk4qLNhC4kXaCHxyw97UMS8mOgDvY4ruMVNGUKlcDPGLF1ifZI1KUYOmDtsXhc5--XjaJ5EBA=w320-h320" title="https://expertise.tv/webinar/the-heroic-flaw-a-characterization-workshop-with-alicia-rasley/landing" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-41268963487221302802022-01-17T09:47:00.001-06:002022-01-17T11:07:09.583-06:00Starting with Idea: The Thought-driven Story<p> Let's talk today about “idea” as a way to start a story. Some stories, especially those classified as “speculative fiction,” start not with anything concrete like character or setting, but with an idea to be explored.</p><p>As science fiction writer Orson Scott Card explains, “Idea stories are about the process of seeking and discovering new information through the eyes of characters who are driven to make the discoveries.”</p><p>That’s really the appeal of an idea story. No matter what it turns out to be, it starts as an intellectual puzzle. In the spirit of that sort of intellectual mission, let’s consider some ways an idea can start a story.</p><p><b>Questions. </b>For example, many mysteries start with a scene that presents a question, one of the oldest questions of all, “Whodunnit?” But most authors add some additional complication, like, what could kill a man alone in a locked room? (Edgar Allan Poe’s seminal detective story, “Murders in the Rue Morgue,” was perhaps the first to pose that question.) The point of these “idea-mysteries” is to challenge the intellect of the sleuth (and author and reader) to go beyond the expected and familiar to speculate, innovate, and interrelate clues to come up with possible though unlikely solutions.</p><p><b>What-ifs.</b> This is a specialized question that truly is speculative, as it seeks to imagine something that hasn’t happened (and probably won’t). This is more of an experiment than an exploration. A good recent example is <i>The Martian</i>, which poses the question, “What if an astronaut was left behind on Mars?” A great classic example is <i>Oedipus the King,</i> which asks, “What if the detective learns he’s actually the murderer?”</p><p>There’s also a what-if variety that experiments with the past. Alternative histories like Harry Turtledove’s <i>The Great War</i> inspire the author and reader to consider how the present might be changed if an important past event were changed. These alternative histories have a point beyond the mere alteration, however. Philip K. Dick’s “Man in the High Castle” takes the question “What if the Nazis had taken over the United States?” to pose the deeper question, “Would Americans resist?”</p><p><b>Themes.</b><i> </i>A theme is a message, a “moral to the story,” that can usually be stated in a sentence, but is better developed through story events. The film <i>Chinatown, </i>for example, uses the “water wars” of southern California to explore the theme of “Absolute power corrupts absolutely.”</p><p>The difficult task in theme-based stories is to avoid being preachy. I’d suggest having the theme in mind and creating characters who have to discover that truth, but only at the END of the story. That way, the theme evolution will be a more organic process.</p><p><b>Perspective. </b>A perspective-based story requires, you guessed it, an alteration of perspective, demonstrating that what you see is dictated partly by where you’re seeing from. Charles Dickens’s <i>A Tale of Two Cities</i> juxtaposes the experience of the French Revolution in Paris with that of London, that of a victim with that of an observer. A variation of this perspective-test is the “fish out of water” plot, where our world is viewed through the eyes of an alien or stranger.</p><p>In my opinion, this is one of the most socially important genres, as it forces our notoriously solipsistic species to examine ourselves objectively—something more and more essential in a diverse culture.</p><p><b>Concepts. </b>A concept is the simplest and yet most profound of ideas, often expressed in a single word— Freedom. Dispossession. Exile. The speculative aspect of this comes from recognizing that simple concepts are actually the opposite of simple and that only a story and a character can truly portray the complexities. For example, the film <i>Casablanca</i> explores the concept of “neutrality” through the cynical and detached character of Rick, a symbol of the isolationist United States trying to stay isolated in those dark months before Pearl Harbor.</p><p>Starting with the concept but developing it through the complications of a 3-D person within a culture is a good way to avoid the sort of closed system that readers of speculative fiction loathe.</p><p><b>Twists.</b> This story takes something conventional and twists it to produce something both familiar and exotic. You’ll often see this in novels aimed at teens and pre-teens, as connecting the normal with the unusual trains them in the important mental skill of skepticism and imagination.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgFXXq8JH1hXwjSSv3ov8RMdaSRKiGrnY_6a3lCfo1gZbOLwHxnXVn_EKnNBSk_DFRvBRev979F28w248jQMJMtpO_4jkoGfDbFaKnbrXABPRxZHyfJTvuB2l6YvjwsRSyugMWJ37uDRet6dzfzMXRX2mZJAisOP9uQS5nVXyWD-EARCEpqE8G_o6nGOQ=s478" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="452" data-original-width="478" height="189" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgFXXq8JH1hXwjSSv3ov8RMdaSRKiGrnY_6a3lCfo1gZbOLwHxnXVn_EKnNBSk_DFRvBRev979F28w248jQMJMtpO_4jkoGfDbFaKnbrXABPRxZHyfJTvuB2l6YvjwsRSyugMWJ37uDRet6dzfzMXRX2mZJAisOP9uQS5nVXyWD-EARCEpqE8G_o6nGOQ=w200-h189" width="200" /></a></div>The trick here is to make the base story perfectly plausible (Harry Potter really is going to boarding school and taking courses, but they’re about incantations and potions), so that the twist is more fun, making the familiar unfamiliar.<p></p><p>All of these idea types pose the risk of becoming just tricks. To avoid that risk, consider that each of these should lead to a deeper question, and that is in the end what we want to explore in the story.</p><p>When I read <i>Ender’s Game, </i>for example, the "twist" is clear-- (spoiler warning) the children thought they were training on a videogame to stop an alien invasion, but in the end, it turns out the game was real and they'd just stopped the invasion. But I found the deeper question to be, “Why do we sacrifice our children for war?” That deeper question leads to the plot development that the adults deceive the children that war is just a game.</p><p>Another way to make an idea into a full-fledged story is to embody the idea inside a character’s journey. Ask yourself who needs to learn this theme or experience this twist? Oedipus, for example, is an arrogant man who will not accept the power of the gods over him. So he has to be forcibly confronted with the fact that they control his fate.</p><p>The most successful idea stories start with an idea… but they don’t end there. The idea is more than just a statement or speculation, but rather a process whereby the reader and characters experience the idea and come to understand what it really means.</p><br /><p><br /></p>Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-60098574044768756242021-12-15T17:44:00.001-06:002021-12-15T17:44:19.985-06:00This makes me feel inadequate: Shirley Jackson wrote "The Lottery" in one day.<p><a href=" https://lithub.com/reminder-the-most-famous-short-story-in-american-literature-was-written-in-one-day/" target="_blank"> After dealing with the children and the laundry, LOL.</a></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj4VUrunXyXx91dEpS2JuUiJw7T2Pl8oDtpbITq5U839T-yGXo5BP20SWJAFauJvfCIwx7bDWUq2qxWeY9fMoJ8c9bB0VYcobDaBj39rnwKYWpMkrsTuhZrSHuXPmMj1txHOlf20X4rAAqXVewaFSxDP9aqS1UpbT93YNy7WQp53lB9rK_o5tx0CHYE7Q=s800" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="420" data-original-width="800" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj4VUrunXyXx91dEpS2JuUiJw7T2Pl8oDtpbITq5U839T-yGXo5BP20SWJAFauJvfCIwx7bDWUq2qxWeY9fMoJ8c9bB0VYcobDaBj39rnwKYWpMkrsTuhZrSHuXPmMj1txHOlf20X4rAAqXVewaFSxDP9aqS1UpbT93YNy7WQp53lB9rK_o5tx0CHYE7Q=s320" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><br /><p></p><p><br /></p>Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-86974803035518569702021-12-10T19:07:00.006-06:002021-12-10T20:10:48.508-06:00Writing Process? It all depends... It's so interesting (to me anyway) to think about how we imagine.<p> >Hi, Alicia! I know everyone has their own writing process, but I am intrigued by the idea of starting with character. Do you think that it might be easier to work on the goal and motivation part as part of the character bio first and then use those aspects of what you learn about your protagonist (and to a lesser degree, the other main characters in a romance) to outline the story incorporating conflicts into turning points?</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiCSaQnSYqEWwKWtkDceWsV10tk2uw0ayB0trzpfPLCuhXI3k-5Si7uBlDi-zk-3ZeT3B8wqiKssw52U5-ujBKGls2m5SSaFDsdjEy2bxbwWpgxtK0E64vX6lZG03PLCMq0sCAB66kZM8xLq_xB6nZ_SvL9tIclvrn2qx2kRlVsd5Xg62ZAvvEgsan0VA=s2048" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1360" data-original-width="2048" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiCSaQnSYqEWwKWtkDceWsV10tk2uw0ayB0trzpfPLCuhXI3k-5Si7uBlDi-zk-3ZeT3B8wqiKssw52U5-ujBKGls2m5SSaFDsdjEy2bxbwWpgxtK0E64vX6lZG03PLCMq0sCAB66kZM8xLq_xB6nZ_SvL9tIclvrn2qx2kRlVsd5Xg62ZAvvEgsan0VA=w200-h133" width="200" /></a></div>>>>>><p></p><p>--<br /><br /></p><p>Well, I think one important step for authors is to find their own ideal writing process, and modify it as needed (different books might require different processes). At some point, most stories will benefit from being outlined or structured with acts and turning points based on character development study (including GMC- I do other analysis too). But that doesn't have to be in the beginning of the process.</p><p>For me, the sequence I do things is dependent a lot on what I "know" about the story ahead of time. There are books where I've known the characters in some guise for a long time. My last published novel's main characters have been in my head since... well, I was a teen, probably. The first book I wrote (never completed) had a mysterious Russian lady named Natasha (though she was mysterious in a different way than she turned out to be in the last book). The first book I sold had a cynical "best friend" character that was named John (later changed to Tom when I rewrote the book decades later-- complicated reasons to change his name). Now these two actual characters never "knew" each other in the jungle-story-world of my imagination, but I knew them. She was always Russian but spoke English with very little accent, and she was always sort of shadowy, always named Natasha, and usually married to a sea captain. None of those stories ever got written, but I kept trying her out as the star of a story, then usually never writing or finishing that story, or replacing her with some other heroine. "Tom" actually showed up in his original form in several books, always as Tom and always the cynical friend of the hero. </p><p>Anyway, I -knew- these characters. It's weird to say that because I kept changing aspects of them that might seem central, like their backstory and (with "Tom" -- who became Matt, see :) his profession and social status. But in my head, Natasha was always remote and yet vulnerable, and was a widow of a man who loved her but never knew her. In my head, "Tom/Matt" was always a cynic, a "scientific" man (this was always set in the Regency time, so "science" meant being rational and curious) who withal that was kind of a super-loving person who was cynical partly to protect himself.</p><p>I'd never tried to bring them together before in my head (because, see, Tom/Matt was always the best friend of the hero, never the hero), but then one day I just thought of them talking together, annoying each other, and I thought, "They don't even like each other much." I knew at that moment they were the only people who really understood each other.. </p><p>So then I had to build a story ("Brighton") around these two characters who were -known- to me in their essence, but didn't have the right story yet, or pairing.. I already knew them, so doing exercises about their characters just helped me pinpoint more about what I wanted them to -do, rather than her just drift around my head being remote and vulnerable, and him in my head making sardonic comments.. </p><p>Once I came up with the goal of them solving a mystery together, it all clicked. They could bring their disparate skills (hers intuition, his forensics-- oh, I'd transformed him from an Army intelligence captain to a navy physician) to this task, and of course, in the meantime, fall in love. It really helped then to think of their motivations to help me plot..... I already KNEW them as characters, see.... so his external motivation became keeping her from getting arrested (she was the prime suspect), and her internal motivation was to hide from her past (the murder victim was a friend from Russia who knew her late father).</p><p>After that, well, plotting a mystery is never easy, but the goal/external motivation/internal motivation helped me a lot. I knew that while Natasha also wanted to solve the mystery, she would still be concealing something about this victim/old friend until she trusted Matt, and that should happen right at the "reversal" or midpoint scene.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEibA9Nfqc_7j1qICA_KKLAGLJAVoxRvHMbzWa7gu2Oqitw7zao_5vRIDJSTQ-qhA9Hf6fbeDAGjdFs7g4WSWafzHpVVS6VSWoERv6fdO218VYAn-ipUFFnWmqEFkNtzYDImrU44BvODvLfhol6aPQ6KJ871NvAHOPkatkqiMXpB85UohL6FLn1mEYqTHQ=s2048" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" height="161" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEibA9Nfqc_7j1qICA_KKLAGLJAVoxRvHMbzWa7gu2Oqitw7zao_5vRIDJSTQ-qhA9Hf6fbeDAGjdFs7g4WSWafzHpVVS6VSWoERv6fdO218VYAn-ipUFFnWmqEFkNtzYDImrU44BvODvLfhol6aPQ6KJ871NvAHOPkatkqiMXpB85UohL6FLn1mEYqTHQ=w242-h161" width="242" /></a></div><p></p><p>So.... point is, when I already knew the characters, I used the exercises to help me fit them into the plot (or more, rather, get the external plot to develop them and the romance). </p><p>And as for process, well, long before I got much plot done at all, I'd written several of the "romance" scenes between them, like the first scene where he comes to her aid when she reluctantly asks for it ("They don't even really like each other”) and the situation-setup where we learn that they were in-laws-- he was married to her sister-in-law, she was married to his brother-in-law (that is, their late spouses were fraternal twins who had died in the same flu epidemic years before), so they could be connected without, you know, really liking each other much.. That was sort of hard to explain, but I knew it would "fit" their emotions towards each other and the reason why she would ask him for help.. </p><p>So I had several "romance" scenes drafted before I even knew this was going to be a mystery! Plotting then from the motivation became the way I made the characters have to open up to each other (they had known each other 13 years without doing that, after all) enough to fall in love.</p><p>Okay. So that was my-- and only mine, I'm not suggesting this as a MODEL, goodness knows—starting-with-character process.</p><p>There was another book (<i>The Year She Fell</i>), however, which very much started with plot, in fact, a story question-- why would the richest girl in town commit suicide (this happened in the small town when I was growing up--IIRC, she shot herself in her white Cadillac convertible, right in front of our high school, using the pistol her great-grand-daddy had carried as a confedrut gennel -- that's how we pronounced it <G> in the Civil War, or so the story went). That's all I had -- the richest girl in town. Suicide. Why.</p><p>So I started having to figure out "motivation," as that's the "why," right? (In the actual event, her motivation was never clear, though I -- who knew her and didn't much like her-- uncharitably assumed it's because someone finally told her "no" and she couldn't live with it. There was a really weird "only in rich families" twist where her parents had legally adopted her best friend when the bff's family was going to move away, so that Little Princess would never have to be sad for a single moment... and I ended up using that in a different way in the book.) </p><p>And from the external motivation-- the <i>why</i> she killed herself-- I worked back to what her goal was (what she was trying to hide-- you can tell "hiding information" is a favorite theme of mine), and then to the internal motivation-- why she had to hide this.. And that was the original storyline, but it was too... depressing, and I started playing around with a mystery plot on top of that goal-motivation-- her sister trying to figure out afterwards why this had happened. (This is actually kind of the story-structure of the Hitchcock film <i>Psycho,</i> though in that it's not suicide, but the sister is the one who becomes the "detective".)</p><p>Well, along the course of ten years or so of noodling around with this basic plot, I ended up changing most everything except that central story question of the richest girl in town and the odd twist of the family adopting the girl's best friend. I'd read a couple Susan Howatch novels where the story is told from several different (often opposed) viewpoints, and I wanted to try that for some reason, and I ended up deciding she had not one but three sisters, and each had some valuable piece of information about the death that they didn't know they had (and was irrelevant in isolation, until joined with the other two). And... well, it wasn't a romance, but I added the viewpoints of two of the sisters' fellas, because I wanted to experiment with first-person male POV.</p><p>In the end, what was there of the original idea? The suicide question, and the adoption, and that was about it.. The whole POINT of the book became experimenting with alternating first-person POVs, and the idea of the suicide just was the vehicle for exploring how limited any one understanding of an event is. And as I drafted each POV section, I realized that the REAL question (and that it should be revealed as the real question after the middle) was not "why did older sis commit suicide," but "why was younger sis ever adopted?" </p><p>In every book I've written, I think, I had a different sequence of processes. But usually I drafted some scenes or passages early to get a feel for the voice of the book. This is always "my" voice, but you know, is this book-voice curious or cagey or optimistic (I contain multitudes, as Walt Whitman said!), and sometimes to set down conversations which had arrived complete with inflection and tone of voice in my head that I didn't want to forget.. I'd usually draft scenes, just pieces of them, and completely out of order, scenes that woule arrive in my head or I wanted to work out, until I ran out of the glimmering scenes and passages. Then I'd stop and get to plotting or character work or whatever I could do next.</p><p>That is, I'd run through what was easily accessible- what I knew, the scenes I'd come up with those last few moments of semi-consciousness before the alarm clock rang--and draft those, sometimes just in bits, never fully formed. I might jot down the dialogue but not the setting, the emotion but not the description. And then I'd usually have to get more logical and analytical because inspiration had run out.</p><p>I'm not advocating this process, lol. But in every book, no matter how good I got at this, there was a point I had to get analytical, usually when I couldn't avoid plotting any longer, or when I had to figure out the why—like why does Natasha ask Matt for help rather than someone else? OR I had to have a good reason why they were stuck together long enough to overcome their conflicts and fall in love. </p><p>Or I might finish a whole draft and know it wasn't really working, that I'd missed the point somewhere, or that it didn't evolve into some strong theme, or there were long stretches of nothing happening, or the romance didn't cohere. And then it was time to outline the whole story and go through and figure out how to fix. Often that would be when I'd start re-inventing -- come up with a better goal that allowed for more external action, make the internal motivation something worth fulfilling in the end, and so on.</p><p>Again, this is just me, but this "character-plotting" of goal/motivation/conflict can be really useful over and over again in the process of a novel (and how and when it's useful might vary with every book), not just at the beginning. I use that process to help explore the characters, to build a plot around these characters, to give the characters a reason and way to change, to turn motivation into action, to make the internal manifest externally, to make a more logical sequence of plot events.</p><p>So developing the character goal and motivation is very useful, but it's not the only development task, and you don't have to do it the way I suggest.. Mine is a way of tying character development into plot structure--making "deep structure"-- but there are other ways too which might be more effective. This is more about "deepening and intersecting" character and plot than, say, creating a more dramatic and exciting plot.</p><p>Well, that doesn't answer your question, probably, but that's what you made me think about! I'd say- different writers, different processes. There's no one way to do this. When does inspiration fail for you, when does the basic raw material you started with run out? Maybe then it's time to start looking at character development. Or maybe you need to do this first to jumpstart your inspiration, and later to fix plot problems or understand the romance.</p><p>It all depends. ;)</p><p>And I think most writers who have written a lot of books will say, it depends on the book too.. Some writers evolve one type of process, one sequence of tasks, and use that for every book (this is useful when you want to write several books a year- wish I did that). Others meander around a story idea until they find the process which works for this particular story.</p><p>So …. well, stay open. Experiment. Be unsparing with yourself and yet generous. Figure out when you need to let creativity flow, and then when you need to step back from the flow and get analytical. Most of all... experiment. There isn't any one way to write this story, or any one way this story can develop. Try things out. You won't lose the essential seed of the story by experimenting with the soil and water and fertilizer combinations. To mix another metaphor!</p><p>What about you? Can you think back and track the process of one of your stories?</p><p> Alicia</p><p>Get a free plotting article! <a href="http://bit.ly/AliciaRasleyStory">http://bit.ly/AliciaRasleyStory</a></p><p>Learn more about the Building Bolder Scenes course:<a href="https://bit.ly/building-bolder-scenes_blank">https://bit.ly/building-bolder-scenes_blank</a></p><p>Learn more about the Plot Blueprint course-- <a href="https://bit.ly/rasley-plotblueprint_blank">https://bit.ly/rasley-plotblueprint_blank</a></p><p>--</p><p><br /></p>Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-91604967742594907522021-11-15T12:59:00.000-06:002021-11-15T12:59:07.833-06:00Shakespeare and worldview-- reposting this because it seems to have disappeared!<p> <b><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Shakespeare's
world view and voice</span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-line-height-alt: 9.1pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Shakespeare's world view is contained in his voice, in his
particular gift for ambiguous and ironic passages. He was writing plays, where
there's dialogue and action and little else, so his voice isn't concentrated,
as it might be in fiction, in the narration. Rather his voice comes out in how
he treats characters and how they speak and act. (Playwrights and screenwriters
must allow room for the actor and director to have voices too!) This is
especially clear in<i>Julius Caesar</i>, which explores some of Shakespeare's
favorite themes-- the nature of heroism, the danger of charisma, and the
contradictory wisdom and foolishness of the mob.<br />
<br />
Of course, Shakespeare is the great characterizer. Sure, there were characters
before that, as there was some perspective before Brunelleschi, but Shakespeare
so advanced the presentation of multi-layered characters that, well, we're
still studying them. He's also a bit of a trickster-- Julius Caesar is not the
protagonist of<i>Julius Caesar</i>, but then, I bet <i>Marcus Brutus</i> wouldn't
have sold that well. :)<br />
<br />
Where does Shakespeare's voice come in? Here's where: in his great poetry, in
the tossed-off comic lines, in the skill at writing high-flown sentences that
actors can render as conversation. But his voice is more than his words. His voice
is much more in how he regards the characters and the world they inhabit. (Of
course, we know nothing about Shakespeare's personal world view, but we do know
how he viewed the world in his writings, because we have them. :) His genius
was in, I think, regarding the world and humans with skepticism, but also
moving beyond cynicism. It would be cynical to present (as he does in the
beginning of <i>Caesar</i>) that perceptions can't be trusted, that they
(like the omens in the play) can be misinterpreted and manipulated. But he
doesn't stop there. Yes, perceptions can be deceptive... but the truth will
always out-- in the actions and the words of the characters.<br />
<br />
So a character's real intent is shown subtly in his words (sometimes not so
subtly). But that doesn't mean he speaks his intent necessarily, rather that
the truth has such power that it will influence the speech and action is ways
that we can understand. That is, Shakespeare's voice "gives voice" to
the truth, but not in some obvious way. His world view is not transparent--
nothing is clearly clear, and he starts, I think, with acknowledging the
complexity of humans. They are not one way. In fact, in the very end of the
play, Mark Antony looks down at his enemy Brutus and acknowledges his nobility
(which Brutus's own actions cast into doubt), and says:<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-line-height-alt: 9.1pt;"><i><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">His life was gentle, and the elements<br />
So mix'd in him that Nature might stand up</span></i><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-line-height-alt: 9.1pt;"><i><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And say to all the world 'This was a man!'</span></i><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-line-height-alt: 9.1pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br />
That is, the measure of a man is the mixing of elements-- the depth is in the
contradictions. Shakespeare's skill, however, took contradictions and never
allowed them to become incoherence. That's because, I think, his view was that
the contradictions made the character-- he respected the contradictions as
having meaning.<br />
<br />
So, for example, Mark Antony was a libertine, a cynic, a manipulator. (I admit
to being overly influenced by the performance of James Purefoy, not in the play
but in the TV show <i>Rome</i>-- he did an amazing job of showing Antony's
complexity.) But there was one thing noble about Antony-- he actually, truly,
deeply loved and esteemed Caesar. That was not an act, and not just a
triviality. It was the core of him. He loved Caesar. Caesar's murder fired him
to revenge-- but his way of revenge was characteristically manipulative. The
nobility, however, was what fired him to action. <br />
<br />
Now Brutus was a noble man. But he had a single <i>ignoble</i> quality, and that was that he was easily flattered,
especially about his own honor. In fact, his reputation for honor was more
important to him than acting honorably, and both Cassius and Antony make subtle
and successful use of his need to be venerated. This single ignobility fires
his actions in the play.<br />
<br />
That privileging of the single "off" characteristic is, I think, part
of Shakespeare's approach-- that "off" trait might actually be closer
to the center of the character than all that nice consistent stuff. Antony, for
all his faults, is a lover. He loves life, he loves Caesar, he is soon to love
Cleopatra-- and all with an abandon that shows that love really is the most
important thing to him. So while his willingness to shake the hands of the
murderers might seem to show his cynicism and corruption, a deeper view might
be that it shows that love is more important than his self-respect and honor,
for this is the only way he'll be able to insure that Caesar gets an
appropriate burial (and it also sets up for his vengeance). <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-line-height-alt: 9.1pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-line-height-alt: 9.1pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">In the play I saw in Stratford, young Antony insists on shaking
the hands of each and every conspirator, thereby covering his own hands with
Caesar’s blood. But as he goes from one to the next, their glee at killing
their enemy begins to change to something not quite shame, but at least
embarrassment, at being so clearly revealed as conspirators. This was, even
more than the great funeral oration, the pivotal moment in the play, when these
little men symbolically confessed to killing a far greater man.<br />
<br />
And Antony's speech is, of course, highly manipulative. But there are moments
of such love and anguish:<br />
<i>Come I to speak in Caesar's funeral.<br />
He was my friend, faithful and just to me:<br />
<br />
When that the poor have cried, Caesar hath wept:<br />
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:</i></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=6824896765631412903&postID=2859396519670221461&from=pencil"><b><i><span style="color: #6131bd; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; text-decoration-line: none;"><br />
<br />
</span></i></b></a><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">You all did love him once, not without cause:</span></i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> <br />
<i>What cause withholds you then, to mourn for him?<br />
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,<br />
And men have lost their reason.<br />
Bear with me; My heart is in the coffin there with Caesar,</i> <i><br />
And I must pause till it come back to me.</i><br />
<br />
<a name="3.2.94"></a>In Shakespeare's world view, the truth always comes out in
one way or another, usually in a character's words and actions. And so even
here, when Mark Antony is trying his damnedest to manipulate the mob, the
anguish keeps coming out. So there's always a "bursting out," even in
as careful a speech as Antony's funeral oration. (That the emotional burst outs
help his cause doesn't mean they aren't real.) So think of that as an aspect of
S's voice-- that characters reveal, whether they want to or not. Dialogue in
Shakespeare is never on one level, meant simply to convey external information.
It's also meant to conceal and deceive, and while it's doing that (with the
other characters), it's also revealing (to the audience) the truth about this
person. This is part of his voice, part of his world view-- humans are
complicated, but they are not incomprehensible.<br />
<br />
Notice that Cassius pretends that he wants to kill Caesar to save Rome, but his
own words tell a different truth, that he is envious of Caesar's charisma and
resentful that it isn't his-- a real narcissist, and that slips out when he
speaks of why Caesar isn't qualified to lead Rome:<br />
<br />
<i>I had as lief not be as live to be <br />
In awe of such a thing as I myself.</i> <i><br />
<b>I was born free as Caesar</b></i><br />
<br />
But that narcissism actually teaches him how to appeal to Brutus, because he
can sense that beneath Brutus's undeniably noble qualities is vanity: <a name="1.2.146"></a><br />
<br />
<i>The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our
stars, <br />
But in ourselves, that we are underlings.<br />
Brutus and Caesar: what should be in that 'Caesar'? <br />
Why should that name be sounded more than yours? <br />
Write them together, yours is as fair a name; <br />
Sound them, it doth become the mouth as well; <br />
Weigh them, it is as heavy; conjure with 'em, <br />
<b>Brutus will start a spirit as soon as
Caesar.</b></i><br />
<br />
(Notice also Shakespeare's characteristic preoccupation with names--
"Romeo, oh, Romeo, wherefore are thou Romeo?" Another aspect of voice
is what we emphasize and repeat.)<br />
<br />
As with Antony, Brutus reveals what matters to him, what drives him, in his
speech. He might be trying to save Rome from the man he thinks might be a
dictator, though he also seems to want to save Caesar from becoming just
another ambitious tyrant. But he's truly getting played by Cassius, who knows
just how to get to him-- Here's Brutus, reading an "anonymous" note
ostensibly sent by a common citizen:<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-line-height-alt: 9.1pt;"><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Opens the letter and reads<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-line-height-alt: 9.1pt;"><b><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">'Brutus, thou
sleep'st: awake, and see thyself.</span></b><b><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br />
Shall Rome, etc; etc. Speak, strike,
redress!<br />
Brutus, thou sleep'st: awake!'<br />
Such instigations have been often
dropp'd<br />
Where I have took them up.<br />
'Shall Rome, etc; etc.'</span></b><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> Thus
must I piece it out:<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-line-height-alt: 9.1pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br />
<i>Shall Rome stand under one man's awe? What, Rome?</i><br />
<i>My ancestors did from the streets of Rome</i><br />
<i>The Tarquin drive, when he was call'd a king.</i><br />
<i>'Speak, strike, redress!' Am I entreated</i><br />
<i>To speak and strike? O Rome, I make thee promise:</i><br />
<i>If the redress will follow, thou receivest</i><br />
<i>Thy full petition at the hand of Brutus!</i><br />
<br />
Cassius appeals to his vanity, his sense of himself as the last in an
illustrious line. They were, all of them, the "First of Rome," but
Caesar somehow got ahead-- and Brutus is easily led to thinking there was
something uniquely unjust in that, especially if all of Rome were sending him
the anonymous requests to rebel.<br />
<br />
So Brutus uses his friendship with Caesar to set up the murder, and his
reputation for honor to sway the Roman mob to his side. But Antony is clever--
or maybe Brutus is easily used, for Antony maneuvers him into allowing Caesar a
decent funeral and a loving eulogy. Brutus has to agree, if he's going to be an
honorable man, and Antony makes great use of that term in his eulogy:<br />
<br />
<a name="2.1.46"></a><br />
<i>He hath brought many captives home to Rome</i><br />
<i>Whose ransoms did the general coffers fill:</i><br />
<i>Did this in Caesar seem ambitious?<o:p></o:p></i></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-line-height-alt: 9.1pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br />
<i>When that the poor have cried, Caesar hath wept:</i><br />
<i>Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:</i><br />
<i>Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;</i><br />
<i>And Brutus is an honourable man.<o:p></o:p></i></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-line-height-alt: 9.1pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br />
<i>You all did see that on the Lupercal</i><br />
<i>I thrice presented him a kingly crown,</i><br />
<i>Which he did thrice refuse: was this ambition?</i><br />
<i>Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;</i><br />
<i>And, sure, he is an honourable man.</i><br />
<br />
The crowd turns on the murderers, and Brutus never quite catches up after that.
But Shakespeare doesn't stop there. The last acts deal with Brutus slowly
coming to understand what has happened, what his vanity led him to do, when he
finds out that Cassius, the one who proclaimed Caesar to be corrupt, is selling
public offices:<br />
<b><i>Remember March, the ides of March remember:</i></b><br />
<i>Did not great Julius bleed for justice' sake?</i><br />
<i>What villain touch'd his body, that did stab,</i><br />
<i>And not for justice? What, shall one of us</i><br />
<i>That struck the foremost man of all this world</i><br />
<i>But for supporting robbers, shall we now</i><br />
<i>Contaminate our fingers with base bribes.</i><br />
<br />
Notice that first line, referring to the day (March 15) that they killed
Caesar-- this quintessentially Shakespeare line:<br />
<b><i>Remember March, the ides of March
remember:</i></b><br />
<br />
Its tragic wail, the anguish of it, is not about the words (although, wow, he
could put together words), but about everything that has been Brutus in this
play-- the honorable man, the one who admired and envied Caesar, the naive
Brutus, the disillusioned Brutus caught up now in a war against the city he
loves-- caught up in a loop of self-recrimination and self-doubt, and how does
that come out? In repetition. Brutus isn't repeating words because they're
pretty, or because it's Shakespeare's habit, or because he's read some book
about how to be poetic... he's repeating because he can't get past it. He can't
get past what he's done:<br />
<b><i>Remember March, the ides of March
remember:</i></b><i><o:p></o:p></i></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; mso-line-height-alt: 9.1pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br />
Yes, Shakespeare uses repetition ("Out, out, damned spot!") but not
because it's good "voice"-- it's because it's good character, because
when you're caught up, as some of his characters are, in events they set in
motion but can't now stop, your mind just goes round and round and round,
obsessively repeating what you regret. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You can feel that in Brutus's March/March/Remember/Remember (Shakespeare
was writing for theater, and he had to write lines in a way to convey to the
actor how to speak this, so it's no surprise we can hear Brutus's anguish in
those words).<br />
<br />
We have only words. But words are more than just words. In story, they are
everything-- and so your voice is everything. Your voice is how you convey it
all-- what's happening and who these people are and why it hurts so much. And
if you know all that-- if you are in the story and it's in you-- the words will
come. But the words only matter because they convey the story-- and yes, they
convey the story in the best way. But if you start with words-- if you think
that your voice is about alliteration or punctuation-- you're starting where
you should be ending.<br />
<br />
Shakespeare has a voice that transcends genre. He doesn't "sound" the
same in the sonnets as in his tragedies and comedies-- but he's always trying
to convey more-- sometimes the opposite-- of what's on the surface. His voice
shines with jewel-like facets not because he was so adept at assembling words
as shiny surfaces, but because he believed in the depth of human beings,
believed that in their self-deception you could find their truth, and in the
end, the nobility was in the possibilities:<br />
<i>...the elements<br />
So mix'd in him that Nature might stand up</i> <br />
<i>And say to all the world 'This was a man!'</i><br />
<br />
If you know yourself and your story, your characters and your meaning, then
your voice will come through, Think about what your attitude is, what your
sense of the world is, what truth means to you... those really are (or should
be) a more important factor in your voice than words and punctuation.<br />
<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--></span>Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-4264347062073598162021-08-07T15:58:00.000-05:002021-08-07T15:58:32.471-05:00Concrete the Conflict! (Concrete is a verb now!) From Alicia - Building Bolder Scenes Class<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVo8Ls98dSa63THdfTz4BgCtBHpE4G55Xf8qb5fxm325MoBJbV4R3lN4aC3jOgDBqbl7CDLTDf8aOIz6-VxaLLF88BOqAvC6oolL534zLk4vBoei0VKG7NBOfCvRxuxLPCgcZbVkoxIjOS/s350/rebecca.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="350" data-original-width="202" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVo8Ls98dSa63THdfTz4BgCtBHpE4G55Xf8qb5fxm325MoBJbV4R3lN4aC3jOgDBqbl7CDLTDf8aOIz6-VxaLLF88BOqAvC6oolL534zLk4vBoei0VKG7NBOfCvRxuxLPCgcZbVkoxIjOS/s320/rebecca.png" width="185" /></a></div><br /><span style="background-color: white; color: #6c6c6c; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold;">CONCRETE THE CONFLICT</span><p></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #6c6c6c; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px;"> <br /> Here’s an example (from the wonderful <span style="font-style: italic;">Rebecca</span> by Daphne du Maurier) of how theme and conflict can often best be conveyed by character action and interaction with concrete elements of the setting.<br /> Here, the new bride finds a book that Maximilian’s late wife had given him as a gift, with her name scrawled on the frontispiece.<br /> The book is a concrete object that can be handled and moved. It’s a stand-in or a symbol for the dead wife—the one that Maximilian won’t speak of and obviously can’t forget.<br /> <br />Read how the new bride interacts with the book, carefully cutting out the page with Rebecca’s writing, as if this would be like cutting Rebecca’s memory from Max’s mind.<br /> <br /> <br /> <span style="font-weight: bold;">There was the book of poems lying beside my bed. He had forgotten he had ever lent them to me. They could not mean much to him then. "Go on," whispered the demon, "open the title page; that's what you want to do, isn't it? Open the title page." Nonsense, I said, I'm only going to put the book with the rest of the things. I yawned. I wandered to the table beside the bed. I picked up the book. I caught my foot in the flex of the bedside lamp, and stumbled, the book falling from my hands onto the floor. It fell open, at the title page. "Max from Rebecca." She was dead, and one must not have thoughts about the dead. They slept in peace, the grass blew over their graves. How alive was her writing though, how full of force. Those curious, sloping letters. The blob of ink. Done yesterday. It was just as if it had been written yesterday. I took my nail scissors from the dressing-case and cut the page, looking over my shoulder like a criminal.<br /><br /> I cut the page right out of the book. I left no jagged edges, and the book looked white and clean when the page was gone. A new book, that had not been touched. I tore the page up in many little fragments and threw them into the wastepaper basket. Then I went and sat on the window seat again. But I kept thinking of the torn scraps in the basket, and after a moment I had to get up and look in the basket once more. Even now the ink stood up on the fragments thick and black, the writing was not destroyed. I took a box of matches and set fire to the fragments. The flame had a lovely light, staining the paper, curling the edges, making the slanting writing impossible to distinguish. The fragments fluttered to gray ashes. The letter R was the last to go, it twisted in the flame, it curled outwards for a moment, becoming larger than ever. Then it crumpled too; the flame destroyed it. It was not ashes even, it was feathery dust... I went and washed my hands in the basin. I felt better, much better. I had the clean new feeling that one has when the calendar is hung on the wall at the beginning of the year. January the 1st. I was aware of the same freshness, the same gay confidence.<br /><br />The door opened and he came into the room.</span><br />From <span style="font-style: italic;">Rebecca</span> by Daphne du Maurier<br /> <br />--<br /> <br />See how much more effective that is than just telling about her jealousy and insecurity. Notice how meticulously the action is narrated—how carefully she cut the page, how it burned. That helps bring the scene to life, and dramatizes the conflict.<br /> <br />Then the use of the page helps build the theme of the inescapability of the past. The book and writing become motifs (the recurrent images or patterns which help create the theme) of the permanence of past and memory.<br /> <br />Also, using an actual object as a symbol allows for all sorts of tricks like subtext and foreshadowing—the fire destroying the page foreshadows the fire that destroys their house and lives later in the book.<br /> <br />So think about a scene where you have a complex emotion or conflict. What is an object in the scene which can be used as symbolic or thematic in some way? What’s a plausible way the character can interact with it and make use of it?<br /> <br />Best writing!<br />Alicia<br /> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNlN1tXkJdUH4A684Liip6IZXKlQNMVrGt6FaA32w9XkX6K6lCvgwxYtjFEDoV9R5XQ7TM8H4BW9JbpPktqCyncdFi4zsoPI9gnmtnTerOB8lDSNiF9BMF7mOLOMmx75Q9W66kPcJyPlxf/s594/scenes+class+corkboard.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="397" data-original-width="594" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNlN1tXkJdUH4A684Liip6IZXKlQNMVrGt6FaA32w9XkX6K6lCvgwxYtjFEDoV9R5XQ7TM8H4BW9JbpPktqCyncdFi4zsoPI9gnmtnTerOB8lDSNiF9BMF7mOLOMmx75Q9W66kPcJyPlxf/s320/scenes+class+corkboard.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><br /> <p></p><span style="background-color: white; color: #171717; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">So if you're interested in reading more about the Scenes course and joining, <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://bit.ly/building-bolder-scenes?__s%3Dxxxxxxx&source=gmail&ust=1628455673710000&usg=AFQjCNGs-HHDtLU3P6PvqUJfqmfxuDO66A" href="http://bit.ly/building-bolder-scenes?__s=xxxxxxx" style="color: #1a8dc6; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">here's the link again: http://bit.ly/<wbr></wbr>building-bolder-scenes</a><br /><br />Feel free to share this with any writer friends. And have fun writing! And let me know if you have any questions!<br />Alicia <a href="mailto:plotblueprint@gmail.com" style="color: #1155cc; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">plotblueprint@gmail.com</a></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6a7XbLY1iDsI28Tnu54naHtiuPCCS2BYzhJYff-4SYM4ha0FzEDLo_8gdKy7LQzDnYRPufefq5dYYlDX_6Rjm2pqt-YMLN8GaCVa26t5_qRwlG0w-tDkxqmlRfx7YpIZzBcQGgKGOKJMK/s194/scenes+icon.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="165" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6a7XbLY1iDsI28Tnu54naHtiuPCCS2BYzhJYff-4SYM4ha0FzEDLo_8gdKy7LQzDnYRPufefq5dYYlDX_6Rjm2pqt-YMLN8GaCVa26t5_qRwlG0w-tDkxqmlRfx7YpIZzBcQGgKGOKJMK/s0/scenes+icon.png" width="165" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div>Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-59588459492595026322021-05-25T14:57:00.004-05:002021-05-25T14:57:33.153-05:00<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What Harry Potter Can
Teach Writers about the End of the Character Journey</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">By Alicia Rasley</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Want to create an intense experience for the reader?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Start at the end! Craft the emotionally
right end of the character journey.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Consider this: If your readers have
gotten all this way to the end of your story, they know your characters and
they know your story about as well as you do. Well, maybe not quite as well
(but in some ways, maybe better!). Consciously or subconsciously, they know
what the characters <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">need</i></b>. And they know what the story needs for a satisfactory ending,
though they might not be able to articulate this. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">But if you give them the wrong one
in the end—an ending that does not complete the main character’s journey- their
disappointment and dissatisfaction will be evidence that you did it wrong. So
the ending – well, you have to get that right to know you’ve achieved a
satisfactory experience for the audience.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju7gDxNqNeJfTfCSdKbZiRWmhTbiucqzw5WVfLUQ2kJx3dPwZVWmqe8apq12vK4GXwe2-Zgd3FQ7p2V8cp_Bw7xyXJFcHOPWN9YtO5dUSVw6Mgw9qQthPARQz-4i8QX5zS-d-09XnQN58/s575/Philosoper%2527s_Stone_New_UK_Cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="575" data-original-width="384" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju7gDxNqNeJfTfCSdKbZiRWmhTbiucqzw5WVfLUQ2kJx3dPwZVWmqe8apq12vK4GXwe2-Zgd3FQ7p2V8cp_Bw7xyXJFcHOPWN9YtO5dUSVw6Mgw9qQthPARQz-4i8QX5zS-d-09XnQN58/s320/Philosoper%2527s_Stone_New_UK_Cover.jpg" /></a></div><br />Let’s examine this
“journey” idea in a very long story that most of you know: the Harry Potter
series. Each of the seven books of course stands on its own. In each book,
young Harry has a journey, but also the entire series works together as what
they call a coming-of-age story –a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">bildungsroman</i>. So there’s also a “series
journey” for Harry, so that each of the books becomes a section of the longer
journey.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">In this pair of articles, we can discuss Harry’s journey, first through
the initial book, and then through the entire series.<o:p></o:p></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">As you know, Harry starts out in
Book 1 being raised in the household of a family of "Muggles," non-magicals
like us ordinary people. But most importantly he's an orphan, who like one of
the orphans in a Charles Dickens story is abandoned and neglected. He's not
really abused—his aunt and uncle take care of his basic needs. But he is neglected,
and he knows that no one loves him. The parents who did love him are dead in a
shady and perhaps shameful way, so no one will speak of them. In fact, he
doesn't actually even know if they loved him. All he knows is that they died. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">And then—in this important first
act of the story—Harry meets a talking snake and a cake-carrying giant, and he
embarks on a journey to find himself and his place in the world.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Here are some lessons novelists can
learn from Harry’s first journey.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .25in; text-indent: -.5in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><!--[endif]-->The
first “journey” lesson from Harry Potter: <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Identify
the journey, and use that to provide a structure for the whole story.</b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In this first book, his journey starts in <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">invisibility</i></b>.
In that first book's opening, Harry is so invisible that he sleeps under the
stairs. He is so invisible the neighbors don't even know exists. He's so
invisible that his aunt and uncle who take care of him won't even acknowledge
that he's there, don't send him in to school, don't celebrate his birthday. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">But during the book, Harry has to
make the journey from <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">invisibility</i></b> in the ordinary world
to <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">belonging</i></b>
in the wizard world. In the end, he takes up his rightful place in that
world—which, because he is “the boy who lived,” an almost mythical creature, is
as something of a star.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<ol start="2" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Show the journey start in the opening
of the story.</b> </li>
</ol>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">That is crucial. At the start of
the story, the reader doesn't know your character and can't intuit what the
journey start is. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So show it, as JK
Rowling shows his invisibility, how he is hidden away, how he almost doesn't
exist. Make it concrete for the reader. How invisible is Harry? Well, he's so
invisible, he has to sleep in a closet! He's so invisible the neighbors don't
know he exists!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That's showing invisibility,
which we all know is more effective than telling. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">It’s a good idea to start this
first stage of the journey early. When the Harry series opens, there’s only a
short prologue where Harry is a baby, then the Dursleys take him and
effectively disappear him. Don't spend more than a chapter or two setting up
the start of the journey. Then create an "inciting incident" which
either forces the character to act, or gives him/her a reason to start changing
(the snake at the zoo speaks to Harry and makes him realize he’s got some secret
power).</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<ol start="3" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Have the plot lead the character
further into the journey and force change</b>.</li>
</ol>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">Once you come up with a character
journey like “from this starting point to that destination,” you can deepen the
story by connecting the character’s emotional/psychological changing to the events
of the external plot. So: While Harry’s family desperately tries to keep him
invisible, the wizards enforce their rule that wizard children must go to
Hogwarts for school. That’s the beginning, and that’s when Harry starts to
realize maybe he’s not “no one”—he’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">some</i>one,
and he’s got a place here. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">There’s a brilliant scene that
really plays with “invisibility”, when Harry uses his father’s invisibility
cloak not to disappear, but to explore Hogwarts and learn more about his new
home. On this venture, he finds in the Mirror of Erised, which shows him his
greatest desire—the first image of his dead parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Very clever-- the cloak of invisibility lets
him <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">see</i></b>
without being seen—and then the mirror reflects back what he doesn’t know he
wants—an essential step on the journey of taking OFF his invisibility and
joining into the wizard world. Notice this scene is placed in the middle of the
journey—that is, when Harry should be growing away from that starting point.
When he realizes he can be invisible and then take that cloak off and be
himself, he has taken a major step to the destination of belonging to this new
world. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">4. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Then let the
ending show in some concrete way that the character has achieved the
destination of the journey—and what has changed in life.</b> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Here, the first book ends with
Harry certain that he belongs; in fact, he and his new best friends have won
Gryffindor the coveted annual cup, and he knows he will be coming back here for
his second year.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="_x0000_s1027" type="#_x0000_t75"
style='position:absolute;margin-left:-27pt;margin-top:60.6pt;width:168pt;
height:126.35pt;z-index:-1;mso-position-horizontal:absolute;
mso-position-horizontal-relative:text;mso-position-vertical:absolute;
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<v:imagedata src="file:///C:\Users\Admin\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image003.jpg"
o:title="HarryPotterand voldemort"/>
<w:wrap type="tight"/>
</v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><img align="left" height="168" hspace="12" src="file:///C:/Users/Admin/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtml1/01/clip_image004.jpg" v:shapes="_x0000_s1027" width="224" /><!--[endif]-->But he has a new
realization, that with this new life come new responsibilities. When he was
“invisible” at the Dursleys, he didn’t matter. No one depended on him. He could
go through life as a mopey and secretly defiant pre-teen. Now here at the end,
he belongs, he has a place in the world, and he also has responsibility. What
he does matters, and now he can’t be careless and apathetic. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In fact, he’s realizing that with his visibility as “the boy
who lived,” he has a special role in fighting against Lord Voldemort. While he
was invisible, hidden with the Dursleys, he was safe, if unhappy and lonely.
But now at Hogwarts, he has a home, friends, a purpose—and a new, lethal enemy.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRAvR4KrWSonJLIN6bMlfVrf37IbfUa6fF4ALBSmmk5s6eNfO5jC2OThulLe_sbffnK7lUXlHsD5pz8C50BsXwDSOFV5iEuYENo27vlPd8w7BFCCXrwY0BEpLAxuEqdQtSTB7AeGTWd4k/s512/HarryPotterand+voldemort.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="385" data-original-width="512" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRAvR4KrWSonJLIN6bMlfVrf37IbfUa6fF4ALBSmmk5s6eNfO5jC2OThulLe_sbffnK7lUXlHsD5pz8C50BsXwDSOFV5iEuYENo27vlPd8w7BFCCXrwY0BEpLAxuEqdQtSTB7AeGTWd4k/w296-h223/HarryPotterand+voldemort.jpg" width="296" /></a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br /></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757; font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="color: #575757;">Let’s
try that with your own story! Think of your central character. You might have
more than one main character, but let’s just concentrate on one for the moment.
Creating a character journey will help unify your story and also deepen your
texture by developing the character along with the plot events. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So
here are just a couple questions to help you focus on your character journey
and how it will work, especially in the opening and ending of the story. I’ll
use the Harry Potter example to illustrate:<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Arial;">1.
So where does your character start, and where does he/she end up? <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Arial;">Harry starts out
unwanted, invisible even to himself, and ends up belonging in a new world and
truly knowing who he is.</span></i><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Arial;"><br />
<br />
2. What internal resonance does this have-- how does the journey change who
this person is?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: Arial;">Harry learns who he is—a
wizard- and what he can do –magic-, and also that he was and is loved. This
gives him confidence and meaning.</span><o:p></o:p></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><br />
3. List a few steps your protagonist will have to take to complete this
journey:<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; color: black; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">He must leave his home
and venture to Hogwarts.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; color: black; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">He must learn who and
what he is.</span><span style="font-family: Ubuntu;"><o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; color: black; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">He must make friends and
allies.</span><span style="font-family: Ubuntu;"><o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; color: black; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">He has to also learn
about his parents’ death and who caused it.</span><span style="font-family: Ubuntu;"><o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; color: black; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">He has to show how he
has earned his new place in this new world.</span><span style="font-family: Ubuntu;"><o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ol>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><br />
a. How is the starting point shown in Act 1?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; text-indent: .5in;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">His
foster family has been hiding him for years. No one acknowledges his birthday
or tells him about his parents.<br />
</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"> <br />
b. In Act 2, what event(s) force the character into rising conflict around this
journey issue?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; text-indent: .5in;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;">Harry
confronts several challenges, both the mundane (school) and the exotic (the
troll), and can only surmount them by gaining friends and trusting them to help
him. But then he finds that the true danger is hidden within the school itself,
and in his own past. So he must figure out what this all has to do with him by
going into his own past and learning about the tragedy of his parents’ death.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"> <br />
c. In Act 3, how does the completion of the journey help this character resolve
the external problem (and/or vice versa, how does resolving the external
problem help the character complete the journey)?<br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Harry completes his journey to belonging and knowing himself. This
allows him to use his powers and his new alliances to defeat Voldemort
(temporarily) and rid Hogwarts of the enemy hidden within. Once he has done all
that, he is truly accepted into his new world.</i><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; text-indent: .5in;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"><br />
4. Any other thoughts or questions about your character’s
journey?</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Ubuntu;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #575757;">It’s important to SHOW the journey, not just explain it.
So there are concrete and immediate ways to show Harry’s journey start (hidden
under the stairs, neglected by guardians) and ending (winning the “cup” at the
end of the school year, cheered by his schoolmates). <o:p></o:p></span></i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #575757;">YOUR TURN!<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Now of course, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone</i> is just the first book in
a long series. And Harry has a longer journey to travel, for which this is just
the first step. So in Part 2 of this article, we’ll look into the journey of
Harry through the series of stories, which is a deeper and more universally
important journey—from Denial of Death to Acceptance of Death. A philosopher
might even say that this isn’t just Harry’s journey, but the journey of the
whole human race as we strive to deal with the knowledge of our own mortality. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">This might be helpful to you if you
plan a series of linked stories and want to create a thematic unity from Book
One to Book Last!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="color: #575757;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #575757;">Harry Potter’s Journey, Part 2, will be
coming in a couple days. In the meantime--<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757;">--<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757;">Here’s my exploration of
Journey, with several good examples from students and stories you’ll know!<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<h3 style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="color: #336699; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><a href="https://aliciarasleywritersjourney.blogspot.com/p/the-character-journey-alicia-rasley-i.html">Braiding
the Character with the Plot: <o:p></o:p></a></span></h3>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;"><span class="MsoHyperlink"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;"><a href="https://aliciarasleywritersjourney.blogspot.com/p/the-character-journey-alicia-rasley-i.html">THE
CHARACTER JOURNEY with Alicia Rasley</a></span></b></span><span style="color: #336699; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757; font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757; font-size: 10.0pt;">https://aliciarasleywritersjourney.blogspot.com/p/the-character-journey-alicia-rasley-i.html<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757; font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757; font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757; font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757; font-size: 10.0pt;">Also, if you’d
like to learn more practical and yet sophisticated techniques to deepen your
story and intensify your audience’s experience, you might be interested in my
new course <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Building Bolder Scenes</b>. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757; font-size: 10.0pt;">You can sign up
here to get notified when it’s ready to launch in a couple weeks!<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #575757; font-size: 10.0pt;"><a href="http://bit.ly/scenes-course-info">Get notified about my new scenes
course: http://bit.ly/scenes-course-info</a><o:p></o:p></span></p>Edittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-12605223077704721992020-10-15T13:57:00.001-05:002020-10-15T13:57:11.255-05:00Complicated questions for sophisticated writers: Short Stories- how do you make them SHORT!<p> </p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I just did a “Plot Finish Fest” day (6 very intense hours!) with a group of plotters. This is a bonus available to writers who enroll in my </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://plot-blueprint-course.teachable.com/p/plot-blueprint/?preview%3Dlogged_out%26__s%3Dxxxxxxx&source=gmail&ust=1602873597879000&usg=AFQjCNF0jONNdLLpRAlOAwWGl3d64gj1eg" href="https://plot-blueprint-course.teachable.com/p/plot-blueprint/?preview=logged_out&__s=xxxxxxx" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #4477bd; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" target="_blank"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.5;">Plot Blueprint Course</span></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">. For each story, we worked through the three acts and then the nine turning points of the plot-- just in time to start drafting the scenes in </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://nanowrimo.org/?__s%3Dxxxxxxx&source=gmail&ust=1602873597879000&usg=AFQjCNGx-v9BYHsyzXh1xLjbYg-xqNEdVw" href="https://nanowrimo.org/?__s=xxxxxxx" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #4477bd; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" target="_blank">NaNoWrimo (National Novel Writing Month</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">).</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">When writers with different types of stories interact, we often have to adjust our brainstorming for “medium”— whether a novel or a short story or a TV script or whatever new form will rise up next. In the last month, I’ve worked with writers working on projects as varied as a 1-act play (a musical!) and a novel that could be adapted for a Netflix series.</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Marshall McLuhan famously said, </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://individual.utoronto.ca/markfederman/article_mediumisthemessage.htm?__s%3Dxxxxxxx&source=gmail&ust=1602873597879000&usg=AFQjCNFBIDS9B7skDGV_2lJ1WyMFwqeXTw" href="https://individual.utoronto.ca/markfederman/article_mediumisthemessage.htm?__s=xxxxxxx" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #4477bd; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" target="_blank">“The medium is the message</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">.” And that was before the Internet, where the medium has become the message, the messenger, and the messaged all at the same time. Well, when it comes to plots, I don’t think the medium IS the message necessarily, but it certainly AFFECTS the message.</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">One of the plotters, Vikk, was discussing an old standard medium—the short story. How does a “natural novelist”—used to plotting in three acts for 300 pages or so—compress the plot down to 15-50 pages? Or do you instead compress the message—chart just a segment of a character journey, explore a smaller conflict? Or do you focus on deeply describing a moment, a slice of life, rather than a sequence of events?</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I had a few thoughts—fairly random—about one way to make stories short.</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I think a short story will not just be c</span><em style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;">ompressed</em><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> plotwise. In some cases, the plot might have to be smaller, less complex-- a shorter journey from beginning to end. I think of an episode of a TV show rather than a season-- it's complete in itself, but just has one main incident or problem that can be dealt with more quickly.</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">But I’m more drawn right now to the conflict or problem that can be experienced and resolved in just a day or two. An example is the </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2020/10/19/life-without-children?__s%3Dxxxxxxx&source=gmail&ust=1602873597879000&usg=AFQjCNGcmuxC2C9JMoGUGl8P0KOe_E5W6Q" href="https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2020/10/19/life-without-children?__s=xxxxxxx" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #4477bd; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" target="_blank">Roddy Doyle short story</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> </span><em style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;">Life without Children</em><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">, about a man travelling on business during the quarantine. This gave me a good sense of compressing the "problem" in a short story. His protagonist starts out by answering "no" when he's asked if he has children. In fact, he does have children, and a wife too. And he's not sure why he lied, but it makes him feel liberated. And pretty soon he's deciding he's going to quit his life-- throw away his phone, disappear, be free!</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">He starts planning his escape, and he does throw away his phone. And then in the end, after flirting with the idea, he gets a new flight and texts his wife from his tablet and decides to go home.</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">That is, the problem is that he feels trapped and old and disheartened, and just entertaining the idea that he could escape lets him feel relieved, and he can resume his life. The problem is resolved in a way that doesn't need a lot of events—just the set up of the problem, and then the decisive event, and the aftermath.</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">In this case, the “shortening” comes in a shorter distance between problem and resolution.</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> This was of immediate interest to me, because during NaNo month, I want to experiment with writing interrelated short stories. They’d all be set in the same place and (I hope) combine to create the story of a town under the shadow of a curse. Each would involve a different character, and perhaps only peripherally involve the curse and only marginally advance the big plot. I’m hoping the ‘scatter-stories’ will create almost a collage, but one with a narrative thrust. And I think probably they might not all be “short” in the same way. Maybe one will be just a compressed novella, and another will be a slice-of-life, and another will just follow as the character comes to a realization…. Well, we’ll see! But I’m excited at the prospect of narrowing my focus and plunging in every day to something new—a new story each day.</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">What do you think? If you write short fiction, how do you get it all done in so few pages?</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Would anyone be interested in mutual support for NaNoWrimo? Here’s a </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.facebook.com/groups/1122054681264786/?__s%3Dxxxxxxx&source=gmail&ust=1602873597879000&usg=AFQjCNHZ2EQ2UnuMvAh5FC5SPWuGMJTiRw" href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/1122054681264786/?__s=xxxxxxx" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #4477bd; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" target="_blank">Facebook group</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> where a few of us will be doing writing sprints and sharing encouragement. We’ll have fun!</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> </span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.5;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Alicia</span><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg7vdDOwO6LO41IvgqDxfrSxHtRDK42JatNnYSaiBRuTLHBpCRSQoqXwfPO0M9Yfx1VT5OFJOyzI9-cLh091L85xuhnRexnGVHlYSeRqg4yDEl-k7UFmToTeQxo1hl2rEdiWM3wwGXCMQ/s2048/hummingbird.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg7vdDOwO6LO41IvgqDxfrSxHtRDK42JatNnYSaiBRuTLHBpCRSQoqXwfPO0M9Yfx1VT5OFJOyzI9-cLh091L85xuhnRexnGVHlYSeRqg4yDEl-k7UFmToTeQxo1hl2rEdiWM3wwGXCMQ/s320/hummingbird.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></div>Edittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-76417079569513806122020-09-23T15:19:00.002-05:002020-09-23T15:19:52.808-05:00First sentence in the scene -- Starting the experience<div class="separator"><h1 style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;"> <span style="color: #800180;"> </span><span style="color: #800180;">First sentence in the scene </span></h1><h1 style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="color: #800180;"> Starting the experience </span> </h1></div><p> <img border="0" data-original-height="1216" data-original-width="2586" height="94" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1bCjXYV9tFrsJf_Q2l8y8N8msp9xJLMMTtfs8cpXlSYKs8X2q-l8JrgTa6sjg1HKvjsgyCAUgIzzpfgqhwoJpZ3nYacbsNlhwi9VnonX2THEvnCPg2-0nlIZaCV0ujQp1zDvKTtKZcOY/w200-h94/old+yellow+cab.jpg" width="200" /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I’m having some fun creating a big
Building Bolder Scenes course, and now I’m focusing on the mechanics of
creating the scene experience with the sentences and paragraphs. Scenes are
EXPERIENCES, not just recountings. So getting the experience started early—the first
sentence!—can set the reader up to FEEL all the way through.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><o:p> </o:p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: 10pt;"> Just keep in mind that
your reader is apprehending the scene holistically-- she's incorporating every
detail, not just your character's thoughts and feelings, into her experience.
So you can imbed emotion subtly in the description and action. Just remember
not to overdo. But yes, you can use adjectives and adverbs here. Just don't use
them when you don't need them ("shouted loudly, bright scarlet"), and
then when you DO use them, they'll have more effect.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;">
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You can set the stage early, hint at that "beginning emotion" of the emotional
arc of the scene, by anchoring the setting in the first paragraph or so... but
meaningfully. Here are some examples of how to sneak in emotion with
physical/setting detail in the first paragraph of the scene:<br />
<br />
LIGHT<br />
His bulky body filled the entrance and blocked most of the afternoon light.<br />
<br />
She shielded her eyes against the harsh noon light and squinted at the broken
window.<br />
<br />
He parked in the pool of yellow light from the streetlamp and slowly got out of
the car.<br />
<br />
She woke when the dawn light sliced through the curtains. Nothing had changed.<br />
<br />
He squinted to see through the dimness in the barroom, searching the dark booths
for the woman he had lost.<br />
<br />
The car brakes skidded on the gravel, and when they finally stopped, the moonlit
lake was only a few feet from their front bumper.<br />
<br />
TIME OF DAY<br />
The Angelus bells were ringing when she started across the muddy field towards
the church.<br />
<br />
She woke suddenly. The red glowing numbers on the bedside clock read 2:04. It
took her a moment before she realized she had missed her flight.<br />
<br />
He was going to be late for work again. Again.<br />
<br />
All she wanted to do was rush home and be halfway through a quart of Java Chip
ice cream before American Idol came on.<br />
<br />
INSIDE/OUTSIDE<br />
She pushed the porch door open and stood there a moment, drinking in the view
and the crisp mountain air.<br />
<br />
Jamie woke up cold and damp on the bare open ground.<br />
<br />
I knew this place—the kitchen looked familiar and unpleasant.<br />
<br />
Patty rubbed the condensation off the passenger-side window and looked<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>out at the snowdrift. "How stuck are
we?" she asked.<br />
<br />
He put his fork down on the dining room table and grimly called the family to
order.<br />
<br />
The old barn stood alone on the hill.<br />
<br />
The road gravel infiltrated her sandals, and she was limping and lost by the
time he found her.<br />
<br />
It was a lady's parlor, all dainty and tidy, and he didn't think he better sit
down on any of the little chairs.<br />
<br />
<br />
AIR<br />
The barroom smelled of ground-out cigarettes and spilled beer.<br />
<br />
She zipped up her parka and pulled on her gloves, took a deep breath, and stepped
out the door into the howling <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Chicago</st1:place></st1:city>
winter.<br />
<br />
From the lantern-lit park pavilion across the river drifted the lazy strains of
a dance band.<br />
<br />
The library was so overheated every breath felt like she was sucking in a blanket.<br />
<br />
It was going to snow. She could taste it with every crystalline breath.<br />
<br />
Not a breeze stirred the evening air, and she hesitated with her hand on the
gate.</span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU3wbMYArventhK0CCbHixXwsDJEMhOFGx7qQzP5Ru2H7jrbt84yW4nllWIjGzxeVmHNSEYf5150tD2N0zWeGXsaflxI-w2pJW1-rXyax8kdvhBLytnor9kLKy_mMRhCBhXH8pMdqF61w/s2048/abandoned-abandoned-building-grass-1819645.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1638" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU3wbMYArventhK0CCbHixXwsDJEMhOFGx7qQzP5Ru2H7jrbt84yW4nllWIjGzxeVmHNSEYf5150tD2N0zWeGXsaflxI-w2pJW1-rXyax8kdvhBLytnor9kLKy_mMRhCBhXH8pMdqF61w/w160-h200/abandoned-abandoned-building-grass-1819645.jpg" width="160" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><p></p>Edittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-6693889325912480062019-10-17T14:07:00.002-05:002019-10-17T14:07:25.369-05:00Subtext in scene/dialogue<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;">I'm looking for examples of subtext within a scene, especially in dialogue. Any ideas? Here's one-</span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;">Let's say that Tommy is keeping a secret from his co-worker Lucy.</span><span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><br /><span style="background: white;">He's planning a big surprise party for her birthday Saturday night.</span><br /><br /><span style="background: white;">So she's talking about her plans for the weekend.</span><br /><br /><span style="background: white;">"I think Saturday night, I might call up Susie, and take her to that</span><br /><span style="background: white;">play at the Phoenix. The tickets will cost a fortune, but I've been</span><br /><span style="background: white;">saving up."</span><br /><br /><span style="background: white;">Tommy's fists stilled in the bread dough. Then, after a moment, he</span><br /><span style="background: white;">took up kneading again. "You don't want to see that play. I hear it's</span><br /><span style="background: white;">lousy."</span><br /><br /><span style="background: white;">Susie slid the tray of bread loaves into the big oven. "It won three</span><br /><span style="background: white;">Tonys. So it has to be good."</span><br /><br /><span style="background: white;">"Nah," Tommy said quickly. "Tonys don't mean anything. Look. Really.</span><br /><span style="background: white;">Tell you what. I want to see it too. But -- but I have plans Saturday</span><br /><span style="background: white;">night. So maybe I can take you-- both of you-- to the matinee Sunday."</span><br /><br /><span style="background: white;">Susie glanced back over her shoulder as she closed the oven door. "You</span><br /><span style="background: white;">just said you heard the play was lousy."</span><br /><br /><span style="background: white;">"Yeah. Lousy for a Saturday night. But for a matinee, it's great." He</span><br /><span style="background: white;">plunged his fists back into the bread dough, and said, "Come with me</span><br /><span style="background: white;">Sunday. Really. Not Saturday. My treat!"</span><br /><br /><span style="background: white;">---</span><br /><br /><span style="background: white;">He's trying to keep her from going, only he can't tell exactly why, so he</span><br /><span style="background: white;">pretends it's about the quality of the play. The point is to have him</span><br /><span style="background: white;">reveal to the reader that he's deceiving her -- give us a hint of that-- without</span><br /><span style="background: white;">telling us (or her) why. So she can pick up on the deception and not</span><br /><span style="background: white;">know what it is-- maybe she'll think he's taking another lady to the play</span><br /><span style="background: white;">that night and doesn't want her to see him, she thinks.</span><br /><br /><span style="background: white;">Just think of how the people around you-- maybe even you :)-- often</span><br /><span style="background: white;">converse with somewhat complicated agendas. They're trying to get you to</span><br /><span style="background: white;">do something without actually coming right out and saying it. Or they're</span><br /><span style="background: white;">trying to hide something. Or they're hinting at something. How do people</span><br /><span style="background: white;">do that in conversation? How can you put that complication into words on</span><br /><span style="background: white;">the page?</span><br /><br /><span style="background: white;">The first step is to be aware that much of the time, people aren't saying</span><br /><span style="background: white;">exactly what they mean. :)</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3f3f3f; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="background: white;">Alicia</span></span></div>
Alicia Rasleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13143623145712619511noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-19619007536548350822019-01-19T19:16:00.005-06:002019-01-19T19:16:57.275-06:00http://www.aliciarasley.com/index.php/dialogue-class-feb/<br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #8a8f97; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.32px; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.aliciarasley.com/index.php/dialogue-class-feb/" target="_blank">DialogueDynamics Course</a></strong><br /><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">With Alicia Rasley</strong><br /><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">February 1- 15</strong> </div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #8a8f97; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.32px; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Interactive Easy-Email Class With </strong><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Personal Feedback</strong></em><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">From Alicia</em> </strong><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">On Your Story’s Character Conversations</strong><br /><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Just $50 For The Two-Week Course</strong></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #8a8f97; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.32px; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">An Interactive Email Class For Story Writers<br />with Alicia Rasley</strong></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #8a8f97; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.32px; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Make your story character conversations<br />authentic, dynamic, and dramatic.</strong></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #8a8f97; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.32px; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.875rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.aliciarasley.com/index.php/dialogue-class-feb/" target="_blank">Just $50 for two-weeks of instruction and interaction.</a></strong></div>
Edittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-46399357182273224712019-01-19T17:42:00.001-06:002019-01-19T17:42:24.434-06:00Openings and Edits (old posts, just gathered so I can link to it all)<br />
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<a href="http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/2009/05/voice-example-here-opening-cp.html" style="background: transparent; color: purple;">Voice example here-- opening-- C.P.</a></h3>
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Here's something different, from an exercise we posted a long time ago, so don't flood us with more, everyone! I have to get back to paying work. :) But this is an opportunity to talk about voice, and I promise, I'll finish later my thoughts about voice being more about character and world view than word choice.<br /></div>
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Thank you so much for blog! It's by far the most helpful one I've seen.</div>
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I would like to submit the opening of my young adult novel, <em>Shifter</em>, for dissection. It is posted below.</div>
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Regards,</div>
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C. P. Dotson</div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;">I stood in front of the water-spotted bathroom mirror and shifted myself into a supermodel, a tall one with sexy lips and a juicily curving figure.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;">If there were other shape-shifters in the world, they would probably despise me for being so shallow. But I live in the land of cow patty bingo and weekly Two-Step Night, so I have to find entertainment where I can.</span></div>
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I like how quickly you got to the point and the intriguing aspect of shape-shifting. Now I'm wondering why she (he?) didn't know if there were other shapeshifters. I'd suggest making that a bigger point, which means maybe trying it as a separate sentence.<br />Also, you are in first-person narration, in a young adult novel, so I'd read every single paragraph aloud to make sure the voice sounds right. I'm thinking that your sentences might be a little long, with too many elements, for a narrative that is probably supposed to sound conversational. I'd suggest reading aloud, because the reader will be able to sense when a sentence is too long to be read in a breath. That doesn't mean that every sentence has to be that short, but I'm counting three sentences there, and they're all long.<br /><br />So see if you can break one of those sentences. It's pretty easy when you have two-clause sentences like the last one (just a period instead of comma and conjunction).<br /><br />First-person narration can be dicey because you have to decide how colloquial you're going to be. But of course, what counts is that this is the character's voice. A repressed George-Will-wannabe high school chessplayer might speak in long sentences and complex paragraphs. A Jane-Austen addicted teenaged poet might use high-flown constructions and poetic metaphors. Most YA narrators talk, well, like teenagers (only without all the "you know what I means" and "and, like, so I'm going I kinda love you, and like, he's going I sorta love you too, and then we're going kissy-huggy...." although actually, that might be kind of funny). If you establish that this voice sounds like your character, that's what's important.<br /><br />However, IF you have a more verbose narrator, go with it-- don't just go with long sentences. Work on the diction too. What words would this person use?<br /><br />It could be fun to vary the voice with the shape he/she has shifted into also. The supermodel shape probably has a different voice!<br /><br />Anyway, let me parse your opening, at long last.<br /><div style="font-style: italic;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;">I stood in front of the water-spotted bathroom mirror and shifted myself into a supermodel, a tall one with sexy lips and a juicily curving figure.</span></div>
<br />In these crucial opening moments, sneak in information when you can do it subtly. Is it "my water-spotted mirror"? Or the water-spotted mirror in the Dew Drop Inn's bathroom? (Notice that going with shorter sentences lets you add more detail.) I think we need to get an idea quickly of where we are, where this mirror is, because-- and this could just be me-- by the end of the second paragraph, I've already decided this is a honky-tonk bar, and I'm not sure that's what you want me to think. (It was the Texas two-step that made me think honky-tonk, btw.) If you want to cut short my probably incorrect speculation, put some quick unobtrusive setting info in the first paragraph. And it doesn't take much. If you have "my mirror," I'll know she's in her home.<br /><br />I liked that verb "shifted" and the ease there-- no big deal, I just shifted into a supermodel. The syntax is just odd enough to make me know that something unusual is happening, but not odd enough to confuse me.<br /><br />Do supermodels have juicily curving figures? I have to say, I'm not sure how actual supermodels would go over in a bar in cow-patty territory ("I like a woman with more meat on her"). The word "supermodel" is instantly understandable, and that's good, but precision matters. Supermodels do tend to be thin and straighter than curvy, from what I can see in Vogue magazine. So you might have some young people read that and see if they're getting the picture you want them to get. For some reason, I'm thinking "cover model" and "curvy figure" fit together better. "Supermodel" connects in my mind (and I'm not your target audience, of course!) with "thin and angular".<br /><br />Otherwise, the sentence works pretty well to draw me in, and the diction seems appropriate to the genre you're writing in. The sentence is long but not very complicated, so I didn't have to re-read and untangle, and that's good. :)<br /><br /><span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic;">If there were other shape-shifters in the world, they would probably despise me for being so shallow. </span><br /><div>
<br />Okay, this is probably the sentence that clinks wrong for me. The inverted opening there ("If there were") is not really conversational and indicates a narrator with a more sensitive understanding of English grammar than most YA readers will have. That does NOT mean you shouldn't use it-- only that you need to make sure that it suits your character (and I suppose that your character suits a YA novel). I am definitely getting the idea that this narrator isn't a typical teen-- well, I knew that, since he/she is a shapeshifter, as we can tell by your clever use of "other" there (nice subtle touch). And really, as long as the voice expresses the character, it can work in any genre, probably. (Lemony Snicket's books-- wildly popular with grade-school readers-- feature a pompous 19th-C-run-amuck omniscient narrator, and it's the perfect voice for the stories.) Just make sure that the voice I'm getting is representative of this character-- that he/she would use "despise" rather than "hate", for example.<br /><br />This is the sentence, anyway, that seems wrong and out-of-voice, but maybe it's not. It might work better if you went with two sentences that told more, like (just an example):<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">I didn't know if there were other shapeshifters in the world. But I did know they'd probably totally hate me for being so shallow.</span> (My teenaged students would probably say "superficial," I think, but "shallow" says what you mean.)<br /><br />or maybe:<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">You're probably wondering if there are other shapeshifters in the world. I didn't actually know, but I knew they'd probably hate me for being so shallow.</span><br /><br />or if you really want to exploit that whole weird "who am I talking to" aspect of first-person:<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Any other shapeshifters out there? Okay, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I was shallow and not a respectable representative of the shapeshifting community. Well, duh. </span><br /><br />IOW, there are lots of ways to say that, different voices, same message. This is really about channeling this character, and I do mean this-- if your sentences are matching your character, that's what's important. I'm just getting sort of a writerly vibe there, so I want to emphasize that you need to make sure-- in first-person-- that the narration sounds like the character, that we understand more about who this character is by how he/she sounds.<br /></div>
<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">But I live in the land of cow patty bingo and weekly Two-Step Night, so I have to find entertainment where I can.</span><br />I like your glimpse of "the land". Now you're using past tense throughout ("If there WERE"), and that's actually kind of important in a first-person narration. There is the past of the book time, and there's the present when presumably s/he's telling the story, and you don't want to get us confused. Like what I'm getting is that she's not telling us that NOW (in the present) s/he knows or doesn't know there are shapeshifters, but rather that at the time of this scene, all we know is s/he doesn't know then. That's good, because you don't want to tip your hand (s/he might learn in the course of the book that there are other shapeshifters). But really, the most effective way to do this is to cast pretty much everything in past tense, so you're not posing the question in the reader's mind. "I live? Does that mean that s/he still lives there after the events of the book are done? Have to find? So s/he still has to find entertainment-- she hasn't found any fulfillment in the book?" If you aren't meaning to make some specific point about "after the book events," put all your verbs in past tense, and avoid the issue. (Some writers put it all in present tense, but that means narrating the events completely as they happen, with no retrospective at all, which can be fun, but might not be what you want.)<br /><br />I think what confused me is what you mean by "so I have to find entertainment where I can." First, what's the entertainment? You might need to go back and add enough to the first paragraph that makes us know a bit about what he/she plans to do in that supermodel body. We just don't have enough info here. For example, after:<br /><div style="font-style: italic;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 12pt;">I stood in front of the water-spotted bathroom mirror and shifted myself into a supermodel, a tall one with sexy lips and a juicily curving figure.</span></div>
<br />... try adding another line to that first paragraph, like, say, "The cowboys around the bar would love me." Or "The boys hanging around the prom punchbowl wouldn't know what to do with me." Or "I was going to totally intimidate all the other candidates for cheerleader."<br />That would help nail down the setting and situation more, and also set up for that "entertainment" in the last line.<br /><br />Back to the final line:<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">But I live in the land of cow patty bingo and weekly Two-Step Night, so I have to find entertainment where I can.</span><br /><br />"Where I can"-- "where" seems a bit imprecise, because presumably she's not talking about a place. "How I can?" "When I can?"<br /><br />Picky, picky, but every word should be just the right word in the opening. Also be aware of what the target audience is going to get from this. I'm not your target audience. I'm not even an editor who acquires for your target audience. So I might be completely wrong here. I do teach teenagers, though, so I hear their voices ALL THE TIME, so I don't think the character sounds like a normal teen... but of course, he/she isn't a normal teen, so that's fine. I'd just suggest making sure the voice sounds like the character-- and reveals what you want to reveal about the character.<br /><br />Very intriguing! I like the idea of a shapeshifter in the YA world. Wish I'd had that capability back at Blacksburg High. :)<br /><br />Alicia<div style="clear: both;">
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Saturday, May 23, 2009</h2>
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<a href="http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/2009/05/chriss-question.html" style="background: transparent; color: purple;">chris's question-</a></h3>
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Chris's question (and sorry about all the formatting problems-- I can't get them fixed!): </div>
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Dear Edittorrent,<o:p></o:p></div>
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I was hoping that you might be able to analyze my opening and help me with the use of 'had.' I like this opening, but it feels clunky and I can't pinpoint why...<o:p></o:p></div>
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It's for an MG.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I'm very grateful for any help, whenever you have a chance...<o:p></o:p></div>
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Thanks!!<o:p></o:p></div>
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:-)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Chris<o:p></o:p></div>
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“How many times have I told you-stay away from the corpses!” Mr. Pasternak stood behind Seth, his arms crossed over his chest.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Seth hadn’t heard his father enter the freezer. He was too busy zipping and unzipping body bags, looking for somebody whose nose was bigger than Morie Sorenson’s. He’d been looking for three years. He wished he would’ve taken a picture of Morie’s nose while he’d had the chance. His memory of it was beginning to fade.<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "; font-size: 100%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">“But Dad, nobody cares.” Seth motioned to the rows of dead bodies on both sides of him. “Except maybe Mrs. Heffinger.” Seth smiled and patted her on the head. “She likes me.”</span><br /><br /><br />Well, I like it pretty much. It's a cute opening. Just a couple thoughts-- This is maybe what feels clunky: </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-style: italic;">“How many times have I told you-stay away from the corpses!” Mr. Pasternak stood behind Seth, his arms crossed over his chest.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "; font-size: 100%;">Of course, many times I've argued against starting with a line of dialogue, and this is an example of a clever line that might work as a hook, but ends up clunking. Why? Well, whose point of view are you in? Mr P's? No one's? Seth's? Or maybe omniscient?<br /><br />We don't have a clue, so the tag there (Mr. Pasternak...) that tells us presumably who said this clunks. Let's say it's omniscient-- omniscient is good at setting the scene, telling where we are, etc. We don't have any of that. So it's probably not omniscient ("The freezer was dark and cold and the corpses ....").<br /><br />It's probably not Mr. P's, because we pretty quick go into Seth's mind.<br /><br />So it's probably Seth's POV, but notice that while you're pretty deep into his head the rest of the passage, that first line is nowhere, and confusing besides. Mr. P is his father-- Seth wouldn't call him Mr. Pasternak, would he? Plus if Mr. P is standing BEHIND him, Seth couldn't see that he's got his arms crossed.<br /><br />Put us in Seth's body as well as his mind. Here's this sudden demand:<br /></span><span style="font-family: arial; font-style: italic;">“How many times have I told you-stay away from the corpses!” </span><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "; font-size: 100%;">What does Seth do? Spin around? And how does he feel? Guilty? Scared? Amused? Don't wait until you fill in what he used to be doing-- establish the Right Now. If you don't want to establish the Right Now, then start farther back, when he's getting started examining the corpses.<br /><br />But I know you want to start with that line of dialogue, and I guess it's pretty clever. So how can you do that, park the POV in Seth's mind, AND establish the Right Now before telling what he was doing?<br /><br />I'd suggest start with the line. And then BE IN SETH'S BODY. DO SETH. </span><span style="font-family: "; font-size: 100%;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: arial; font-style: italic;">“How many times have I told you-stay away from the corpses!” </span><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "; font-size: 100%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">At this sudden demand, Seth spun around and saw his father there in the opening of the freezer, arms crossed over chest.</span><br /><br />Now what? Think about whether it would be better to have Seth answer him (No one minds) first, and then backtrack to think about what he'd been doing. Why? Because a question (or demand) needs an answer, and if you postpone that, the reader gets antsy. Let's try it, just to experiment, and you decide if you've lost anything by rearranging: </span><span style="font-family: "; font-size: 100%;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-style: italic;">“How many times have I told you-stay away from the corpses!” </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-style: italic;">Seth hadn’t heard his father enter the freezer, </span><span style="font-family: "; font-size: 100%; font-style: italic;">but at this sudden demand, Seth spun around and saw his father there in the opening of the freezer, arms crossed over chest. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-style: italic;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-style: italic;">He recovered quickly. </span><span style="font-family: "; font-size: 100%; font-style: italic;">“But Dad, nobody cares.” Seth motioned to the rows of dead bodies on both sides of him. “Except maybe Mrs. Heffinger.” Seth smiled and patted her on the head. “She likes me.”</span><div style="font-family: arial; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 32px; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
He couldn't tell Dad the truth, that he'd been busy zipping and unzipping body bags, looking for somebody whose nose was bigger than Morie Sorenson’s. He’d been looking for three years. He wished he would’ve taken a picture of Morie’s nose while he’d had the chance. His memory of it was beginning to fade.</div>
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<span style="font-family: "; font-size: 12;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I don't know-- see what you think. But I would say the one real problem I see is that second sentence, where you have Mr. Pasternak. It messes up your POV approach and is going to confuse the reader. Begin as you mean to go on here-- if this is Seth's book, from the start, put us inside Seth. Try it and see if it feels better to you.<br /><br />Good luck!<br />Alicia</span> </span><div style="clear: both;">
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<span class="post-author vcard"></span><span class="post-timestamp">at <a class="timestamp-link" href="http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/2009/05/chriss-question.html" rel="bookmark" style="background: transparent; color: purple; font-weight: bold;" title="permanent link"><abbr class="published" itemprop="datePublished" style="border: none;" title="2009-05-23T12:05:00-05:00">12:05 PM</abbr></a> </span><span class="reaction-buttons"></span><span class="post-comment-link"><a class="comment-link" href="https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=6824896765631412903&postID=1774706659583285781" style="background: transparent; color: purple; font-weight: bold; white-space: nowrap;">No comments:</a></span><span class="post-backlinks post-comment-link"></span><span class="post-icons"><span class="item-action"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/email-post.g?blogID=6824896765631412903&postID=1774706659583285781" style="background: transparent; color: purple; font-weight: bold;" title="Email Post"><img alt="" class="icon-action" height="13" src="https://resources.blogblog.com/img/icon18_email.gif" style="border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-style: none !important; border-width: 0px; display: block; margin: 0px 0px 0px 0.5em !important; vertical-align: middle;" width="18" /></a></span></span><div class="post-share-buttons goog-inline-block" style="display: inline-block; margin-top: 0.5em; position: relative; vertical-align: middle;">
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Monday, May 4, 2009</h2>
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<a href="http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/2009/05/starting-right-in.html" style="background: transparent; color: purple;">Starting right in</a></h3>
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I am reading a memoir <span style="font-style: italic;">(<a href="http://search.barnesandnoble.com/My-Lobotomy/Howard-Dully/e/9780307381279/?itm=1" style="background: transparent; color: purple; font-weight: bold;">My Lobotomy, by Howard Dully and Charles Fleming</a>), </span>and it starts like this:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">My name is Howard Dully. I am a bus driver. I am a husband, a father, and a grandfather. I'm into doo-wop music, travel, and photography.<br />I am also a survivor. In 1960, when I was 12 years old, I was given a transorbital, or ‘ice pick’ lobotomy. My stepmother arranged it. My father agreed to it. Dr. Walter Freeman, the father of the American lobotomy, told me he was going to do some ‘tests.’ It took ten minutes and cost two hundred dollars.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The surgery damaged me in many ways. But it didn't "fix" me or turn me into a robot. So my family put me in an institution.<br />I spent the next forty years in and out of insane asylums, jails, and halfway houses. I was homeless, alcoholic, and drug-addicted. I was lost.</span><br /><br /><br />So... this is a memoir, not fiction, but it's still story. (Can't you imagine this as a first-person novel opening?) So... what do you think about starting right in on it, stating the conflict right up front, and here even the whole story is previewed ("the next forty years").<br /><br />Now do you like this? Does it make you want to read more? Or do you feel more like you don't need to read more, because the whole story is right there-- there's no suspense?<br /><br />In what case would you start a story so suddenly? What sort of story or character would elicit that sort of opening?<br /><br />I think one thing we should all realize is-- there isn't a one-size-fits-all opening. It's often a good idea to "start right before something happens" or "start in the action" (and it's seldom a good idea to start with an unattributed line of dialogue :). But the opening has to fit the story. And so the question is, does the opening fit your story?<br /><br />And with an opening like this, what sort of story would it be good for? Why would you make the decision to open with a comprehensive summary?<br /><br />One danger I see is that the reader won't hang on for the first few pre-lobotomy chapters, which are essential (because we need to know why his parents even considered the surgery, what was "wrong" with him). But I notice that he says, "When I was 12," and that actually creates some anticipation/dread as he narrates in the first chapters his childhood. And knowing what is to come, we can hear about his misbehavior and his trauma (his mother dies when he's five, and he's never told anything but that she's gone away and won't return) and feel even greater dread-- that this isn't one of those stories where some wonderful teacher realizes that this is a troubled boy who needs some extra help, that it won't end up happily. We know-- he's going to get a lobotomy, and he's going to spend most of his life in institutions. (But we know there's eventually a happy ending too-- is that what keeps us slogging through the misery?)<br /><br />That is, the author's decision to tell all in summary makes the details of his childhood more meaningful-- it's not just a bad kid, it's a kid who is going to be grossly mistreated. It's not just another wicked stepmother, it's a stepmother who has him lobotomized. It's not just a misspent youth, it's going to be a wasted life.<br /><br />An interesting choice, anyway, and so far, it works to draw me in. (And next time I grump about how we treat kids with kid gloves these days, protect them too much, I need to remember this story! This is actually the era I remember-- he's 8 years older than I am-- as free and liberated, with parents benignly letting kids be kids without overprotecting or diagnosing them... yeah, and kids we now would recognize as having ADD or learning disabilities were just considered "bad" then, and expelled or sentenced or... well, I guess lobotomized.)<br />Alicia</div>
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<a href="http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/2009/06/anon-edits-main-characters-name-is.html" style="background: transparent; color: #6131bd; text-decoration-line: none;">Anon edits-- Main character's name is Beulah</a></h3>
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<span style="font-style: italic;">Beulah buttoned her spring jacket and clutched her lunch bag in her hand as she surveyed the schoolyard. Both Effie and Nell and were absent and Minnie was inside working on math. Beulah hoped that she would see someone sitting by herself, but all the other girls had tight knots of friends gathered around them. The largest group gathered around Winifred Waldfogel, and even some of the boys stood close by her.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><br />Great names there. But too many of them for the top of a scene. Each will take attention away from the reader getting to know the main character. What's important? It's lunchtime. Beulah is alone. We don't need to know why she's alone. What we need to know is how it makes her feel. So Get rid of Effie et al. Mention them later, as needed.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Beulah buttoned her spring jacket and clutched her lunch bag in her hand as she surveyed the schoolyard. </span><br />This does a good job of identifying the character and providing enough info that we know the situation: School. Lunch. Spring.<br /><br />You don't need "in her hand." You only need to add more to "clutch" if the whatever is being clutched in something other than her hand (her teeth, for example).<br /><br />Now to make the buttoning of the jacket more important (so it doesn't just seem like a way to get action in there), think about adding something that hints at why she's buttoning. Like if it's early spring and still chilly, maybe she buttons it "tight" or "up to the neck" or she buttons "every button."<br /><br />Blocking is important here because you have two actions that require hands. You can clutch using only one hand, but it's hard to button using only one hand. It can be done, but more likely you'd put down whatever is in your hand and button using both hands and then pick up the whatever again.<br /><br />That might be more description than you want for a relatively unimportant action. So think about a substitute action that accomplishes the same sort of thing, but without hands. Maybe, if you want to show that it's cold, she can "hunch her shoulders against the wind" or stick her free hand in her pocket or use that hand to pull up her hood.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Beulah hoped that she would see someone sitting by herself, but all the other girls had tight knots of friends gathered around them.</span><br /><br />Hmm. This is okay, but I wonder if you can make it more active, not just a sort of static hope, but something that shows this in motion? You're designing the scene, so you can do almost anything. :) I'm thinking of something like Beulah seeing a classmate sitting alone and starting over there, but before she can get there, a knot of girls emerges from the school and heads to gather around the bench.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The largest group gathered around Winifred Waldfogel, and even some of the boys stood close by her.</span><br /><br />Again, this is fine, and I love the name. But think about putting Beulah in motion. She starts towards the one bench, where there's only one girl, but then the other girls beat her there. She turns (she does need somewhere to sit to eat lunch!), and is looking right at Winifred and sees that the group around her is even larger.<br /><br />I like that "even some of the boys" because it tells me subtly that this isn't high school yet because it's unusual for boys to be hanging around girls, and it's a testament to Winifred's attractiveness that they're hanging around.<br /><br />Just think about showing Beulah's hope and disappointment in action. It's not a big deal; the emotion is really what matters. And actually, if this is for children, especially middle-grade or lower, you might want to state the emotion out (Beulah hoped) as the younger reader might not be experienced enough to interpret the action as "hope and disappointment".<br /><br />Alicia<div style="clear: both;">
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<span class="post-author vcard"></span><span class="post-timestamp">at <a class="timestamp-link" href="http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/2009/06/anon-edits-main-characters-name-is.html" rel="bookmark" style="background: transparent; color: #6131bd; font-weight: bold; text-decoration-line: none;" title="permanent link"><abbr class="published" itemprop="datePublished" style="border: none;" title="2009-06-22T13:33:00-05:00">1:33 PM</abbr></a> </span><span class="reaction-buttons"></span><span class="post-comment-link"><a class="comment-link" href="https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=6824896765631412903&postID=7111221817132760956" style="background: transparent; color: #6131bd; font-weight: bold; text-decoration-line: none; white-space: nowrap;">1 comment:</a></span><span class="post-backlinks post-comment-link"></span><span class="post-icons"><span class="item-action"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/email-post.g?blogID=6824896765631412903&postID=7111221817132760956" style="background: transparent; color: #6131bd; font-weight: bold; text-decoration-line: none;" title="Email Post"><img alt="" class="icon-action" height="13" src="https://resources.blogblog.com/img/icon18_email.gif" style="border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-style: none !important; border-width: 0px; display: block; margin: 0px 0px 0px 0.5em !important; vertical-align: middle;" width="18" /></a></span><span class="item-control blog-admin pid-2119136861" style="display: inline;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=6824896765631412903&postID=7111221817132760956&from=pencil" style="background: transparent; color: #6131bd; font-weight: bold; text-decoration-line: none;" title="Edit Post"><img alt="" class="icon-action" height="18" src="https://resources.blogblog.com/img/icon18_edit_allbkg.gif" style="border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-style: none !important; border-width: 0px; display: block; margin: 0px 0px 0px 0.5em !important; vertical-align: middle;" width="18" /></a></span></span><div class="post-share-buttons goog-inline-block" style="display: inline-block; margin-top: 0.5em; position: relative; vertical-align: middle;">
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Sunday, June 21, 2009</h2>
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<a href="http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/2009/06/splatter-edit.html" style="background: transparent; color: #6131bd; text-decoration-line: none;">Splatter edit</a></h3>
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Splatter:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The old man had been whispering to Cammie all day. He’d started at dawn. The field, illuminated by the frosted gold of the sun’s rising, was just becoming visible at her fingertips when she felt a slow hum building. It was like crickets singing, so familiar she barely noticed – and she certainly didn’t say anything. After all, this was the first spring Cammie was old enough to help with the planting, and she was doing her best to seem grown-up. Mother always said to stop making things up, to stop being so childish, and she hated it when Cammie talked about the sounds she heard. So Cammie ignored the lazy song in the back of her skull and half-walked, half-bounced, tossing fistful of seeds that disappeared in the dusky morning. She tried her hardest to throw them just like her Mother, who produced such a pretty fan-shape with each casual toss. But the hum became a buzz and the buzz a whine, and then he was there, his breath against her ear and his words only half heard, as though a wind caught at his whispers and pulled them away.</span><br /><br /><br />I like the motif of whispering.<br /><br />Notice that you go from a very specific moment-- this dawn, these whispers-- to a general time, not even "today" but "this spring". I think you're trying to cram too much into the first paragraph. You know, really, all you need to do is make it interesting enough that the reader goes on to the next paragraph--- you don't have to shove all the backstory in there. :)<br /><br />So take it slow. Think of what the central idea of this paragraph is-- the old man. Whispering. This dawn. Not other people. Not other whispers. Not other times. NOW. If you want to talk about something else, start a new paragraph. You lost me as soon as you went from the specific to the general, from "right now" to "back then." There's a time for "back then," but it's not in this paragraph. So let's cut off all the non-whisper/non-now stuff and concentrate on the moment:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The old man had been whispering to Cammie all day. He’d started at dawn. The field, illuminated by the frosted gold of the sun’s rising, was just becoming visible at her fingertips when she felt a slow hum building. It was like crickets singing, so familiar she barely noticed – and she certainly didn’t say anything.</span><br /><br />See how you're making "right now" be retrospective? "The old man HAD BEEN whispering"-- past-perfect (had) tense is often a sign of retrospective narration. There is a place for retrospection, sure, but is it here? You're kind of telling the reader, "The interesting stuff has already happened, and I'm going to start after that." You don't want to tell the reader that. :)<br /><br />Make this moment a special moment. It might be when the whispering starts, or it might be when the whispering suddenly stops, or it might be when she reacts to it or realizes what it was-- I don't know. But NOW is important, isn't it? You're starting NOW because it's important, right? So where does NOW start?<br /><br />Let's say it's when the whispering starts.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The old man started whispering to Cammie at dawn. </span><br /><br />Immediate, right there.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The field, illuminated by the frosted gold of the sun’s rising, was just becoming visible at her fingertips when she felt a slow hum building. It was like crickets singing, so familiar she barely noticed – and she certainly didn’t say anything.</span><br /><br />Notice you have several sonic events here-- the whispering, the hum, the crickets. The latter two are apparently what the whispering is like. But we don't know what the whispering is, and the hum and crickets references don't help, because they don't sound like each other, and they don't actually sound much like whispering. Oddly enough, the best metaphors are often unrelated to the object being compared-- because if they're related, we can't really get the metaphor. We're thinking, "But a hum doesn't sound like a cricket. Cricket songs are high-pitched."<br /><br />I'm not sure which the whispering is like, but I'd choose one of those and go with that. A whisper that is like a low hum would be low-pitched, throbby, seductive, sleepy. A whisper that is like a cricket song would seem to me to be high-pitched, scratchy, exciting, anxious. Which is more like this old man's whisper? I can't get much of an emotional sense of this because those two comparisons each take me in a different direction. Be aware of the signals you're sending, and send the ones you want the reader to get. :)<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The field, illuminated by the frosted gold of the sun’s rising, was just becoming visible at her fingertips </span><br /><br />I like the sound of this but had to read it a couple times before I figured out what you meant was at her fingertips. Why fingertips? She's planting? Okay, but you know, this is visual, and it might be messing with the coherence. Can she SEE the old man? Or just hear him? Think about sticking with the aural perception for a few lines, and then switch to the visual, but connect it with action. For example, if I heard someone whispering at me, I'd turn and look. There's your visual cue. She turns and looks for the source of the whispering, and the dark is lightening and the sun rising-- if you want to make this immediate, let her provide the cues for what is perceived and what isn't.<br /><br />Also -- minor point-- you might slip in some adjective before "field"-- the strawberry field, the cornfield? Just to give us a bit more info.<br /><br />I'm not clear on whether there really is an old man or if she's imagining him. If he's not there in physical form, how does she know he's old? What quality in his voice or what he says makes her think that?<br /><br />You don't have to address all this at once, goodness knows, but just be aware that the reader will be asking, and that's a good thing. :) But what is he saying? Can she tell?<br />What is her emotional reaction? Is she scared or not?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">It was like crickets singing, so familiar she barely noticed – and she certainly didn’t say anything.</span><br />"She barely noticed..." way to diminish the importance. :) At first she barely noticed? I can believe that-- there's this sound, and it's not too intrusive (a whisper, not a shout), but as time goes on and it doesn't shut up, then she notices?<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">and she certainly didn’t say anything.</span><br /><br />This is intriguing, because it suggests that she might be ashamed or worried or something-- that if others knew she was hearing it, they'd disapprove somehow. It also indicates that she thinks no one else hears it.<br /><br />As a matter of fact, in a town north of me there's something called "The Hum." (Google Kokomo Hum.) Some people in town heard this constant hum, and it made them sick, and other residents couldn't hear it and thought the hearers were crazy. (There actually was a hum-- two big industrial fans.)<br />It's a great idea for individualizing her right off. She's the one the old man whispers to, or she's the only one who hears him whisper.<br /><br />But you might say WHO she doesn't say anything to-- her mother? Everyone?<br /><br />You're setting up a kind of cool motif of sound/silence (motifs are often opposite pairs)-- she hears, but she can't speak about it.<br /><br />Alicia</div>
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The introduction to a WIP:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The killer strode purposefully toward the President, knife raised high.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The President remained unaware, staring out the window into the oppressively hot DC night. His back was exposed, unprotected. My sister and I were immobile, too startled to react. I tried to shout a warning, at least give the President a chance, but the words were stuck in my throat. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">How did it come down to this, two kids trying to prevent this murder – a century and a half before their own time?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Carin was between the assassin and his goal. He pushed her roughly out of the way with his left hand. She grunted as she spun around.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">I saw her go down, saw the President still lost in thought, and before I could think about it, I was on the move. I jumped up on the President’s enormous bed, took two bouncing steps across it, and threw myself at the assassin. I grabbed him about the neck and upraised arm.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">He glared ferociously at me and pushed me roughly back onto the bed.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The President had heard the commotion behind him, and he turned back from the window. Even in the dim candlelight, his famous profile was unmistakable – the beard, the height, the gangly arms, everything but the stovepipe hat.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The man aimed his knife at President Lincoln’s neck.</span></div>
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<br />Alternative history? Just guessing. My brother Chris used to read Harry Turtledove's alternative histories. That's about all I know about it. I do remember reading one where the south won the Civil War, and the author was a lot more hopeful than I was (having grown up in Virginia, where the war ended in 2008, when it voted for an African-American president!). But what a great subject, and let's face it, if you want to write FICTION about an important historical event, you need to go beyond the fact. So you won't get me carping that he was killed at night and so couldn't look out the window, etc. FICTION means, as Archibald MacLeish said about poetry, "not true."<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The killer strode purposefully toward the President, knife raised high.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The President remained unaware, staring out the window into the oppressively hot DC night. His back was exposed, unprotected. My sister and I were immobile, too startled to react. I tried to shout a warning, at least give the President a chance, </span><span style="font-style: italic;">at least give the President a chance, but the words were stuck in my throat. </span><br /><br />Why is he staring out at the night?<br /><br />This is presumably NOT taking place at Ford's Theatre, where L was actually attacked, so see if you can sneak in some information, like "...staring out the White House window into...."<br /><br />Can you sneak in a sense of where the narrator and sister are? "Immobile behind the couch" or "immobile in the doorway..." or?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">at least give the President a chance, but the words were stuck in my throat. </span><br /><br />At least give him a chance to what? Work on finding ways to slide in MORE. Here's the difference between narrative and reality-- in narrative, you can slip in more information with little words. :)<br /><br />Also there is no reason to stick all that in one sentence. Conclusion, ending, results-- those are more emphatic in a single sentence at the end of the paragraph. Start thinking about sentence design and paragraph design as ways of letting the reader what goes with what. That's all about meaning too-- sentences and paragraphs. Don't assume that words and phrases are the real containers of meaning. Readers are sophisticated thinkers-- accept that, and assume they get meaning from what you put together in sentences, and what you put together in paragraphs. If you want the reader to know this is important ON ITS OWN, put it in a sentence of its own, and you'll be signalling: "Pay attention. This is important." So:<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">at least give the President a chance. But the words were stuck in my throat. </span><br /><br />You don't need "were" there-- I'd decide on the basis of (you guessed it) rhythm. You can always vary rhythm by adding "nothing" words that don't really affect the meaning. This is the great skill that comes from writing bad but rhymed/metered poetry. No one who has ever written a bunch of sonnets will ever wonder what the rhythm of a sentence needs. :)<br /><br />Helps to read Shakespeare and Frost aloud.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">How did it come down to this, two kids trying to prevent this murder – a century and a half before their own time?</span><br />This is a nice first-personish way of quickly summarizing the situation.<br /><br />I'd just suggest --<br />before OUR own time?<br /><br />... makes it more personal. Those kids are "us", right?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Carin was between the assassin and his goal. He pushed her roughly out of the way with his left hand. She grunted as she spun around.</span><br />Opportunity to slide in setting info. Keep a watch for these, like:<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Carin was between the assassin and his goal, there in the balcony seats... or there by the desk.. or?</span><br /><br />In the beginning, the reader needs to have some sense of where we are, so slide in whatever info you can without being too obvious. This might be something you revise in. I tend to write in layers:<br />Dialogue<br />Action<br />Setting<br />Other<br /><br />When you do your final draft, add in anything you think the reader needs (often only a word here and there). Then do another final draft and make sure everything is needed!<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">I saw her go down, saw the President still lost in thought, and before I could think about it, I was on the move. I jumped up on the President’s enormous bed, took two bouncing steps across it, and threw myself at the assassin. I grabbed him about the neck and upraised arm.</span><br />Okay, we're in his bedroom. The Lincoln bedroom! So... slide in info when you can with a word or two:<br />Where does she go down?<br />Is the president in his bed?<br />Block your action here. It sounds like she's on the other side of the bed from the assassin, but wasn't she/he just next to her sister?<br /><br />I am really bad with action, but I try to compensate by story-boarding (with stick figures, natch) the movement. Where is "I"? Where is everyone else in the room? Make sure you know where everyone in the scene is positioned, because here, it sounds like "I" is bounding across the bed from the other side. It would probably take only a word or two to make clear where "I" is.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">He glared ferociously at me and pushed me roughly back onto the bed.</span><br /><br />Now how would you write this differently if "he" was on the bed too, and how would you write it if "he" was somewhere else in the room?<br /><br />I am totally clueless about anything visual, so I truly can't imagine your action. That doesn't mean you should spell it out-- probably most readers are more visual than I am. But make sure YOU know where everyone is and what the action means. If "he" is on the floor beside the bed, he's going to reach UP to get to "I", right? Or "I" am going to fling myself from the bed and--- you're in first-person. What happens? Does "I" descend (as "I" would if "he" were beside on the floor) or not (if "he" were also on the bed)? And is Lincoln on the bed, or leaning on the window frame, or?<br /><br />Block your action, and then decide what you need to tell the reader.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The President had heard the commotion behind him, and he turned back from the window. Even in the dim candlelight, his famous profile was unmistakable – the beard, the height, the gangly arms, everything but the stovepipe hat.</span><br /><br />Past perfect-- "had heard"-- is problematic in several ways. If the Pres can turn in real time, no past perfect, better. Understand that the reader is going to cut you a little slack here, because we all know how hard it is to narrate simultaneous action. So if the president hears and turns in real time, that's good. If it's an instant before or after, the reader probably won't care.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The President heard the commotion behind him, and turned back from the window. Even in the dim candlelight, his famous profile was unmistakable – the beard, the height, the gangly arms, everything but the stovepipe hat.</span><br /><br />Here's where you can sneak in a tiny bit more info about the narrator. How does he/she know what the Pres looks like? If you have:<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">his famous profile was unmistakable <span style="color: red;">from the one in my history textbook </span>– the beard, the height, the gangly arms, everything but the stovepipe hat.</span><br />the reader will instantly know that this is a schoolkid, right?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">his famous profile was unmistakable from the portrait on Wikipedia – the beard, the height, the gangly arms, everything but the stovepipe hat.</span><br />...then we can assume that "I" is probably an adult.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The man aimed his knife at President Lincoln’s neck.</span><br /><br />You call him "assassin" before, and I wonder if it might work to keep that? I'm assuming this is more complicated than just JW Booth getting an earlier chance, so you don't want to say "Booth".<br /><br />Interesting opening. I am really interested in the "meta" aspects of alternate history, how much you rely on the reader's knowledge of what "really" happen (and notice I put "really" in quotes, like it's not really real ), and what you decide is "canon"-- what you aren't allowed to change, like the Pres's temperament or the year of assasssination?<br /><br />(Later-- I actually hate one-sentence paragraphs, so I'd combine some of these. Assume no editor is going to allow a series of short paragraphs-- how would you re-paragraph this?)<br /><br />A<div style="clear: both;">
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Saturday, June 20, 2009</h2>
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<a href="http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/2009/06/lapetus-line-editing.html" style="background: transparent; color: #6131bd; text-decoration-line: none;">lapetus line editing.</a></h3>
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Lapetus posted:<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">A bulge of earth in the distance raced towards her at jet speed. As it passed, the ground ripped upwards, throwing Dawn into the air, almost 15 meters high. The earth threw off the top layers of soil, flinging buried pipes and wires as well as huge chunks of asphalt and concrete into the air. Dawn sailed over the soil, reminded of documentaries where tons of dynamite blew away a wall of material. The earth exploded in every direction. Dawn crashed onto a soft pile of debris and ducked from rain of high-flung rocks and bricks. A couple blocks away, Charlotte’s jewel, the HLSCO HQ building, the huge elegant structure almost a kilometer high, crumpled into itself, imploding in a huge cloud of dust and noise. Dawn spotted her own apartment complex, presumably with her Aunt Rose inside, settling down to the ground in a plume of debris.</span><br /><br />"Bulge" seems to me still attached to the earth, not a projectile. Not sure if anyone else felt that way! Or do you mean it was still attached? You know, a line of description might clear this up-- however, it's possible only I didn't get it.<br /><br />Good frenetic feel here, right for an action scene.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">As it passed, the ground ripped upwards, throwing Dawn into the air, almost 15 meters high. The earth threw off the top layers of soil, flinging buried pipes and wires as well as huge chunks of asphalt and concrete into the air.<br /></span>Maybe earlier say where we are? See if you can sneak it in-- like the bulge of earth ran past a highrise (we're in a city) or a silo (we're in the country).<br /><br />Notice that you've buried the experience of the POV character, in the middle of a line. How close are you to her own feelings? If you're in deep POV, or any kind of personal POV, you'll want to tell how it feels to be flung that way. If you're in omniscient, however, you want to concentrate on the overall scene-- but seeing a person flung into the air might be worth describing. Are her arms flailing, etc?<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Dawn sailed over the soil, reminded of documentaries where tons of dynamite blew away a wall of material. </span><br />Uh, this doesn't seem to be a real person. She's sailing through the air, and a bulge of earth is pursuing her, and she's thinking about documentaries? Come on. Be in her. Close your eyes and imagine that you are her, and you are there on earth and suddenly you're flung into the air, and there is NOTHING you can do, but you try to do it anyway-- grab at the air, reach down for the earth, anything that can stop your flight. Be in her, and tell us what it feels like, and what you're thinking as you sail through the air to probable death.<br />If you want to talk about documentaries, you need to be in omniscient POV, I think.<br />Then again, maybe she's a lot cooler under pressure than I am!<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">The earth exploded in every direction. Dawn crashed onto a soft pile of debris and ducked from rain of high-flung rocks and bricks.</span>How does it feel to crash? Can she scramble up, look wildly around, and then duck?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />A couple blocks away, Charlotte’s jewel, the HLSCO HQ building, the huge elegant structure almost a kilometer high, crumpled into itself, imploding in a huge cloud of dust and noise. </span><br />I like that "almost a kilometer high", and I can really see it "crumpling".<br />Maybe too many short elements there? The punctuation is right, but so many short elements might be kind of choppy, and the main purpose of the sentence might be lost. Maybe if you get rid of "Charlotte's jewel"? and end the sentence thus:<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">crumpled into itself and imploded in a cloud of dust and noise. </span><br /><br />See what you think--<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Dawn spotted her own apartment complex, presumably with her Aunt Rose inside, settling down to the ground in a plume of debris.</span><br />I'd delete that "presumably" right away, as it bleeds out all your credibility. Come on, this is a novel. You're in charge. Aunt Ruth is there, as far as Dawn knows.<br /><br />I live in the Midwest, and we have tornadoes that will mow down a town and then delicately take one car and set it down undented a mile away. So I envision that apartment complex landing intact and just causing a big dustbomb as it lands. What do you mean? Is the apartment complex destroyed? Tell us.<br /><br />Also, Dawn is not just a camera. What's going on with her? Is she crouched behind a broken shard of concrete, watching helplessly as her home hurtles by and crashes into the cornfield/desert/parking lot?<br /><br />See that? I don't know where we are-- the verdant farmland, the desert, the suburbs. "Ground" can be on the moon, for all I know. You did mention Charlotte, presumably the North Carolina city and not the girl I went to high school with. But you know, I'm from Virginia, just north of there, and I still want to know-- are those buildings crashing into the mountains? the mall? a lake?<br /><br />Look for non-informative words. "Ground" says less than "dirt" even. Sneak in info whenever you can without calling too much attention to it. You can almost always replace a generic word like "ground" with something more interesting, like "the North Carolina clay," or "the desert sand," or "the mall parking lot."<br /><br />Challenge yourself. Find every generic word and see if you can specific it up. :)<br /><br />Alicia<div style="clear: both;">
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<span class="post-author vcard"></span><span class="post-timestamp">at <a class="timestamp-link" href="http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/2009/06/lapetus-line-editing.html" rel="bookmark" style="background: transparent; color: #6131bd; font-weight: bold; text-decoration-line: none;" title="permanent link"><abbr class="published" itemprop="datePublished" style="border: none;" title="2009-06-20T23:02:00-05:00">11:02 PM</abbr></a> </span><span class="reaction-buttons"></span><span class="post-comment-link"><a class="comment-link" href="https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=6824896765631412903&postID=1915693977747758871" style="background: transparent; color: #6131bd; font-weight: bold; text-decoration-line: none; white-space: nowrap;">3 comments:</a></span><span class="post-backlinks post-comment-link"></span><span class="post-icons"><span class="item-action"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/email-post.g?blogID=6824896765631412903&postID=1915693977747758871" style="background: transparent; color: #6131bd; font-weight: bold; text-decoration-line: none;" title="Email Post"><img alt="" class="icon-action" height="13" src="https://resources.blogblog.com/img/icon18_email.gif" style="border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-style: none !important; border-width: 0px; display: block; margin: 0px 0px 0px 0.5em !important; vertical-align: middle;" width="18" /></a></span><span class="item-control blog-admin pid-2119136861" style="display: inline;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=6824896765631412903&postID=1915693977747758871&from=pencil" style="background: transparent; color: #6131bd; font-weight: bold; text-decoration-line: none;" title="Edit Post"><img alt="" class="icon-action" height="18" src="https://resources.blogblog.com/img/icon18_edit_allbkg.gif" style="border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-style: none !important; border-width: 0px; display: block; margin: 0px 0px 0px 0.5em !important; vertical-align: middle;" width="18" /></a></span></span><div class="post-share-buttons goog-inline-block" style="display: inline-block; margin-top: 0.5em; position: relative; vertical-align: middle;">
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<span class="post-labels">Labels: <a href="http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/search/label/line%20editing" rel="tag" style="background: transparent; color: #6131bd; font-weight: bold; text-decoration-line: none;">line editing</a>, <a href="http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/search/label/series%20-%20Alicia%27s%20sample%20line%20edits" rel="tag" style="background: transparent; color: #6131bd; font-weight: bold; text-decoration-line: none;">series - Alicia's sample line edits</a></span></div>
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="2757263231267104383"></a><h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name" style="font-size: 15.6px; margin: 5px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">
<a href="http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/2009/06/gwen-editing.html" style="background: transparent; color: #6131bd; text-decoration-line: none;">Gwen editing</a></h3>
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Gwen:<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />His eyes skimmed the specs, and he began to talk to the system. At first it turned him away. He was reminded of many swift rebuttals from women he'd propositioned. But then, with persistence, it began to change for him, open to him. Authorization? It asked. And he gave it. It was dummy authorization. Why fight the authorization by hacking passwords like some amateur when you could make her show all those hidden files that contain the password programming algorithms? He changed the password and walked in like he'd been here fifty times before. The glass case unfolded like a flower, and he stood up, staring at it. “I knew you'd come to me,” he grinned, putting his hand on the device. It burned his hand.</span><br />---<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">His eyes skimmed the specs, and he began to talk to the system.</span><br /><br />Why are those in the same sentence? I don't mean to be confrontational, rather I think "and" implies we know the connection between him skimming the specs and then talking to the system. And maybe we do if we've read everything up to this point. But think about whether he just talked "while/as" he skimmed the specs-- that is, simultaneous actions-- or if there was more of a causal relationship, which I'm getting from the current line, not sure why-- what he saw in the specs told him somehow that he should talk to the system.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">At first it turned him away. He was reminded of many swift rebuttals from women he'd propositioned.</span><br />These two seem like they should be more connected, maybe in the same sentence. (Also "it" made me go back and re-read-- what's "it"?) Or maybe you need to say HOW the system turned him down? It didn't respond? The cursor blinked contemptuously? You're presenting the system actually in conversation with him, so show that.<br /><br />Also, "rebuttal" usually means "refutation," not "refusal." And rebuttals aren't like to be swift, because you have to counter-argue the points. So go with "refusals" or "rejections" maybe?<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">But then, with persistence, it began to change for him, open to him. </span><br /><br />You're summarizing here, and I think this is likely the very point where you should get detailed. Presumably this is an important scene, as he seems to be breaking in somewhere. And he's using talents, right? That contrasts nicely with his self-deprecation. So take it slower. Show him working . SEVERAL PARAGRAPHS. If you make it fun, it will work.<br /><br />For example, you're setting up that he's kind of seducing the system. So play with that. Use seduction words to set up what he's doing-- "flirting" with the system, "complimenting" it, "admiring" it, etc. You probably only need a couple of those, but that will expand the theme you've set up and make this more fun.<br />Not in love with the "change for him, open for him". Double predicates sound like you can't actually make up your mind. At least they're a little different, and the "open for him" expands the seduction motif ("change for him" doesn't-- see if you can do that subtly-- trust him?). However, notice that you are jumping the gun here. You are stating the results before the action, I think. (The false authorization, I mean.) If you mean that the system asking for the authorization is the first sign of opening, say so somehow. Like <span style="font-style: italic;">After a few more totally sincere compliments, he got to first base. "Authorization?" she asked.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />with persistence, it </span><br />Have to point out-- this is a dangling modifier. It isn't being persistent-- HE is.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">with <span style="color: red;">persistence, he</span> made it change for him...</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Authorization? It asked. And he gave it. It was dummy authorization. Why fight the authorization by hacking passwords like some amateur when you could make her show all those hidden files that contain the password programming algorithms?</span><br />You have the system as "her" here, and "it" before-- choose one. "Her" goes better with the flirtation motif.<br /><br />Authorization? it asked.<br />Lower-case the "i"-- even with the question mark rather than a comma, the "it asked" is still a quote tag and must be connected to the quote, not in a separate sentence.<br /><br />See, the whole dummy authorization thing is going to confuse most of us (well, at least me). If you take this slower, show what he's doing, explain it, the reader will understand-- as long as you make it fun. (Is he stroking the system with his lies? Fondling it? Flattering it with sweet-nothing authorizations?)<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">He changed the password and walked in like he'd been here fifty times before. The glass case unfolded like a flower, and he stood up, staring at it. “I knew you'd come to me,” he grinned, putting his hand on the device. It burned his hand.</span><br /><br />Okay, here's the culmination. Again, take it slower. Enjoy it. She "surrendered" to him, maybe. I like the unfolding like a flower because that is, of course, a common metaphor for a woman's, um, succumbing to temptation. Good! But I didn't know before that there was a glass case. "She" presumably is not the glass case but the security system? I don't know-- probably you mention that he's standing before a glass case. See, if you took this slower, you could have him seeing his reflection in the glass, etc. Work with what you have, but have fun with it.<br /><br />And what is "the device/it"? "It" has been the system.<br /><br />The burning is nice, but you might end with something that connects to the whole seduction motif. Just an example-- "It burned his hand, just like he always knew love would." Or whatever.<br /><br />You want to know what voice is? THIS is voice. This is finding the fun, the excitement, in a passage, and using your word choice and your approach and your scene design to explore. You want to give the reader the most interesting and entertaining experience of this passage. THAT is your voice-- your way of seeing and presenting the story. You have something clever here, something that shows your playfulness and your irreverent attitude. (VOICE!!!) Use it, but use it well. Explore that motif of seduction. Use it to shape the interaction here, to present your own understanding of what's going on here. Yeah, you might overdo, but you know what? You can always cut it back in revision. Have confidence in your own ability to know what's too much. But a little excess here will mean you'll have a better idea of what works and what's excessive.<br /><br />And I have to say, the seduction motif is perfect for this situation and character. First, the character-- it's first-person, so you want the narrative to reflect what's unique about the narrator. And he's apparently a felon. So he might be a bit excessive anyway! He's not going to be really conventional and stiff, right? And he's enjoying himself, breaking this system. Give him time to have some fun.<br /><br />Also the back-and-forth of the situation exactly replicates sex and seduction, doesn't it? You felt that analogy. It's right. Have fun with it. You already are, I can tell ("opened like a flower" :). So take it through the whole passage. Make it a whole passage. I'd even think about doing it more or less in real-time-- that is, if it took him 10 minutes, take 10 paragraphs. You can always cut back if you think you've gone too far.<br /><br />Notice what you do well, and do it well. :) You are having fun here, and being a little naughty. Well, that'll be fun to the readers too. We can be seduced just like the security system!<br /><br />And if you take your time, you can get in all the info, like "security system" and "touchpad" and "glass case" and .... The more you put in, the more we'll be able to visualize the scene.<br /><br />And you can always cut back. Keep that in mind. (Don't forget that step!) Let yourself go at first, and then you can get all analytical after. Try-- oh, two-three pages here. Too much, but that will give you a lot of great lines to choose among.<br />Alicia</div>
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Edittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-49079015685783118752019-01-06T11:52:00.000-06:002019-01-06T11:52:25.423-06:00"I had an old typewriter and a big idea."<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: none; box-shadow: none; box-sizing: border-box; color: #20272d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, Verdana, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; letter-spacing: 0.4px; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<a href="https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2008/06/text-of-j-k-rowling-speech/" rel="nofollow" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #1155cc; transition: all 0.25s ease 0s;" target="_blank">According to JK Rowling</a>: </div>
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"I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy to finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one area where I truly belonged.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />"I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter, and a big idea. And so rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."</blockquote>
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Edittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.com0