Okay, let's try something a little different here. Here's a pitch from someone we all respect, someone who shares very wise insights in the comments. I've already run through a couple of practice pitches here, and I can tell from all the comments that people are starting to understand the nature of pitching. It's not like a query letter, right? And that's because I'm processing your story with my ears instead of with my eyes.
Now, let's all pretend that you're the editor. An author is sitting across a small table from you. You see a very fast pulse in her throat, and her voice shakes just slightly when she greets you. She's nervous. And you know that the pitch will go better for both of you if she's less nervous than this at the end of your very brief meeting. She'll be better able to answer your questions if she's calmer, and that means you'll be able to make a better decision about her story.
So, here goes. Read the following pitch out loud, one time, and pretend that you're merely hearing it instead of just reading it.
Gaining acceptance by the Rhiaton Crowd was not a problem for Kinush. Admittedly they had helped him to celebrate his elevation with a bath in the sheep dip, but now their world of elegant balls and magical discussion was wide open to him. When the Crowd drive his boyhood friend Meriok into hiding, and his best friend shows more interest in the cut of his sleeves than the fate of his brother, Kinush must make a choice between all he ever wanted and the friend he had served badly.
But magic is more than an elegant pasttime: with the right spells a group of mages could take down whole cities. Inevitably, the ambitions of the Rhiaton Crowd begin to attract unwelcome attention.As he gets more and more entangled in the politics of magic, Kinush - whose idea of hardship is a bed at a country inn - finds himself camped in an olive grove playing stare-me-down with two powerful mages, and he cannot afford to blink...
You're the editors. What questions do you ask the writer?