Friday, September 2, 2011

Wanted to foreground this so Adrian would see and rescue me

Adrian (or anyone, but Adrian had the original suggestion), help me here.


I want to use this sentence model in a class I'm teaching, to show the meaning change when something is 'diminished" or "demoted' from an independent ("but") clause to a dependent ("though") clause.

Can you think of a more active pairing than I have? like:

She (verb), but/though her (noun) was (adjective).
She (verb), but/though she (verb).

Muddy brain here (hay fever halcyon).
Maybe "She walked out, but/though her withdrawal was temporary."

Hmm. Still quite static.

She choked, but/though her nausea was shortlived.

She vomited, but/though... no, let's not go there.

She resumed her seat, but/though her posture was tense.

Why am I so PASSIVE????

Help! Is it that the construction I'm looking for just doesn't call for much action?




Leona said...

How about: She smiled, but her intentions were deadly.

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

I think the passive issue comes about because we have a physical action followed by an emotional state.

Just throwing that out there... I could be completely off base.

Adrian said...

I'm not sure I can come up with anything better. Brainstorming...

She smiled, but/though her expression was vacant.

She acquiesced, but her heart wasn't in it.

She argued, though not persuasively.

She (the actress) took the role, but her performance was phoned in.

She played the part of the devoted wife, but/though her act wasn't convincing.

Anonymous said...

She loved George, but/though she accepted Mike's proposal.

green_knight said...

She smiled, but she kept her hand curled around the hilt of her rapier.

Edittorrent said...

Okay, maybe if the first part is "she smiled" or something like you all are saying, that shows emotion or some choice, and then the second part is more physical/active?

So it's more clear (grip tightening on sword) that the action isn't a "smiley" action?

Arloa Hart said...

How about, "She said, 'I do,' but her hands gripped the bouquet hard enough to bend it / but the flowers in the bouquet shook like they were in a windstorm" ?

Edittorrent said...

Arloa, now that's dramatic-- clear why it's important!

Thomas Sharkey said...

Despite her reluctant reply, she stayed.

Her actions denied her intentions.

On the one hand he believed her, on the other, he didn't.

Her voice was angry, though her actions denied this.