Theresa asked: Alicia, I think the inside/outside contrast would work so well if we had a clearer orientation for the pov character. Do you agree?
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Yes, and the inside/outside does work if I have in my head that she's INSIDE looking OUT.
However... no biggie, but I'm thinking in terms of POV here. She's LOOKING out. So it might be fun to show that it's hot outside in a -visual- sense. That is, as she's looking out, her visual sense is to the fore-- her primary mode of perceiving the world at that moment, and especially the outside world. So how can you convey heat visually? The tarmac wavered in the 100-degree heat? The baggage handlers waiting beside the gate were dripping with sweat in the 100-degree heat?
Just a thought-- at any given moment, the POV character is probably using one sense more than the others, and it might be more unified if the sensory input is being perceived through that sense.
Ian, you are so nice to let us borrow your paragraph!! :)
Alicia
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No, no. Look for the dark stains on the baggage handlers' clothing. The way they keep taking off their gloves and holding them upside-down so that the sweat can drip out of them, then using them as fans. Look at the way they have to pull themselves along to move, as if something is holding them back.
Dripping sweat's okay, but why settle for okay?
They make them wear gloves????
Heat shimmers.
Dark stains might not be visible from that distance, especially if the clothing is darker in color, which sometimes the uniforms are.
Wiping sweat from their brows, rolling up their sleeves or pulling open their collars, wearing sunglasses, loitering under the shadow of the plane's wings are things they might do on a very hot day.
Don't most luggage handlers' uniforms include caps? They'd be pushing up the brims or taking them off to wipe their brows, which they might do with their forearms (a classic bit of body language there).
Beautiful. Look at all these active descriptions. :D Gestures and actions can convey so many kinds of meaning!
Theresa
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