one submission with a query letter detailing how long the writer has dreamed of being published and all the mean people who told her she would never succeed
LOL, Theresa. I remember a friend of mine was sending out employment requests, and he read me his cover page, and it was excruciating, all about how so many bad things had happened to him recently and he didn't think he could take another rejection, so please hire him.
I just cringed. No surprise-- he didn't even get an interview request.
Personnel directors and editors are not therapists. And they aren't likely to be swayed (much) by a sob story. Professionalism will go much further. :)