Something I'm working with now is making dialogue sound authentic but also rhythmic in the way GOOD conversation sounds in real life. (I don't mean the slack, empty sort of conversation that's trendy now in commercials: "Remember that... thing we were sort of, you know, working on? Well...." "Hey, awesome, that thing!" Arggh. It's like listening to my cat suck on his paws.)
Anyway, I was writing about a conversation... the man last month suddenly got cold feet and broke off his engagement. He's been thinking and growing, and he's now decided he's ready to commit. The ex, as you might expect, isn't quite as ready. So anyway, difficult conversation, but I want to show that they are right for each other, by using the subliminal technique of making their conversation interlocking, cohesive, rhythmic. Like good sex. :)
So I experiment until it sounds right!
Here are my experiments:
John: What's changed is the value of your love.
Mary: That hasn't changed. It's got the same value as it always did.
John: Well, then, now I realize it. I'm not regarding it as a trap now.
Mary: A trap? My love is a trap?
John: I don't mean it's a trap. I mean I don't think of it that way anymore.
Mary: But you did last month?
John: Last month. Yeah.
Mary: Just last month.
(alternatives for next part)
1. John: Maybe I've learned my lesson.
Mary: No, maybe I've learned my lesson.
2. John: Maybe now I've learned my lesson.
Mary: Well, maybe now I've learned my lesson.
3. John: So maybe I've learned my lesson.
Mary: So maybe I've learned my lesson.
4. John: So maybe I've learned my lesson.
Mary: So maybe I've learned mine.
Anyway, what emendations would you suggest to make this "sound" like interlocking conversation, where the speakers pick up each other's keywords and rhythms? Which of the samples at the end there sounds best to you and why? Does anyone else dwell on this sort of thing as I do?