tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post8999676678676601401..comments2023-09-05T12:51:25.656-05:00Comments on edittorrent: Your Setting Examples - #9Edittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-87637201597609846572011-03-14T09:43:55.672-05:002011-03-14T09:43:55.672-05:00Thank you for your comments Theresa and all. It a...Thank you for your comments Theresa and all. It amazes me what people 'see' when they look at someone else's writing. How they find symbolism in random things.<br /><br />For those of you who wondered, the story is a paranormal romance. The 'house' is supposed to look unkept because there's an underground hide-out under it ;)<br /><br />Oh, and the heroine isn't drugged or going there against her will LOLAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-2523043386466530882011-03-14T04:58:47.438-05:002011-03-14T04:58:47.438-05:00Exactly the way it was supposed to. His gaze slant...<i>Exactly the way it was supposed to. His gaze slanted over to the washed-out red barn. The building still leaned a little too heavily on its right.</i> <br /><br />I love this. It is so intriguing, I'd absolutely read on to find out what was going on with the house. I agree with Adrian that it is very ominous. <br /><br />I think the imagery of the branches adds to this, in a slow destruction sort of way.Sylviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05925593802209715440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-44008997821819847662011-03-13T18:33:49.999-05:002011-03-13T18:33:49.999-05:00Like T, I get the impression that he felt like she...Like T, I get the impression that he felt like she was "pushing" her way under his skin and hovering, which can be both a protective gesture as well as a stalker one. <br /><br />I initially read it as someone who liked what he saw, especially the flaws. <br /><br />Also, that he might be a serial killer who was annoyed with her hovering and pushing, like she'd discovered something he tried hard to hide from society. Something that he felt was "exactly as it should be" but knew that others wouldn't approve of.<br /><br />I didn't get romance from this at all. Interesting take. My favorite lines are the tree lines and I think tall is important to the imagery because I think it emphasizes the "height" of his problem. That her presence is bigger than the rest of his life, at this moment.<br /><br />It would be interesting to see if the romance angle is more obvious in context.Leonahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11786326364037397675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-9834417432452078012011-03-13T17:13:01.037-05:002011-03-13T17:13:01.037-05:00Anybody else think those branches are getting unde...Anybody else think those branches are getting under the roof as she's getting under his skin?<br /><br />TEdittorrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-76318311092680858122011-03-13T17:12:13.430-05:002011-03-13T17:12:13.430-05:00I don't think it's terribly overwritten. J...I don't think it's terribly overwritten. Just that it needs to be screwed down a bit tighter. If the author wanted to make a case in favor of two tree sentences, I'd hear it with an open mind. But as it stands, with nothing else to go on, those trees could use a little trimming. <br /><br />Adrian, your comment made me giggle.<br /><br />TEdittorrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-89678545634868868602011-03-13T15:14:11.058-05:002011-03-13T15:14:11.058-05:00It didn't seem badly overwritten to me, either...It didn't seem badly overwritten to me, either, but maybe that's a bad thing. For a writer who should be able to self-edit, anyway.<br /><br />I got the impression that he is a man who can (and will eventually) change to a certain degree, but not without initial resentment and a lot of work. Perhaps "improve" is a better word than change especially since it's a given that characters must change or there's no ARC...and no story.Miss Sharphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15045004653114991953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-64077820272788942162011-03-13T11:39:10.625-05:002011-03-13T11:39:10.625-05:00Given only the minimal context, I read this exampl...Given only the minimal context, I read this example in a completely different light. All that imagery was so sinister and ominous, I was thinking psycho killer, not romance.<br /><br />I figured the woman wasn't just sleeping, she was drugged. By him, after she rejected him. And he was getting ready to drag her body into that deserted barn where he was going to cut her up into teeny tiny little pieces.<br /><br />He really doesn't like being rejected. ;-)<br /><br />Either way, I don't see it as overwritten. Sometimes you need two sentences to say something, just to slow the pace down and realize that the POV character is being reflective.Adriannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-38176548360449995332011-03-12T15:26:52.635-06:002011-03-12T15:26:52.635-06:00@cautionary tale: I think your reading is spot on....@cautionary tale: I think your reading is spot on. He's not looking to change, he doesn't think about how the house can/should be fixed; he thinks it's as it ought to be.green_knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16499896006012152260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-28044509489174149032011-03-12T15:24:30.454-06:002011-03-12T15:24:30.454-06:00My main problem with this passage was that I start...My main problem with this passage was that I started with 'sunburned' (sun=daylight) and then got 'lamppost/yellow light' (night) and in that light, you'd not be able to see the 'sunburnt thatch'. <br /><br />Also, I'm having a complete geographical disorientation moment. Around here (Britain), thatch is bright when it's fresh and darkens with age, and streetlights are a thing of settlements. There's a lot about this scene that says 'isolated farmhouse' but the lamppost says 'roadside.' The red barn is typical American - but 'thatch' isn't the first thing that comes to mind. <br /><br />Other than that, I like this a lot. I'm intrigued by 'derelict, the way it was supposed to' because most people would bemoan the derelict in contrast to happier times or feel that it was a waste of a house where someone could be happy. <br /><br />I like the dynamic quality of the image - the observer sits still, but it's not a static picture: the light spills, the shutters hang precariously, the trees over and push their branches, even the building leans. <br /><br />I's suggest <i>Gnarled oaks hovered over the house, pushing their branches underneath the roof.</i><br /><br />if you want to tighten - we don't need to know they're tall if they hover, but the pushing branches under is a lovely lewd image.green_knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16499896006012152260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-92184780520324080482011-03-12T12:53:32.423-06:002011-03-12T12:53:32.423-06:00LOL. those trees limbs were trying to get under th...LOL. those trees limbs were trying to get under the roof like he wanted to get under her clothes. I agree that it is overwritten but I see where she's going. <br />From what I read, I don't think he wants to change. He seems accustomed and comfortable with flawed and ruined things as evidenced by the house. It even seems comfortable to him. I think he would want to be seen as a tragically flawed person but still beautiful in his own way.Alisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17727630549392807909noreply@blogger.com