tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post6452503066489618979..comments2023-09-05T12:51:25.656-05:00Comments on edittorrent: Paragraphing as meaningEdittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-37487020258578023992010-07-03T17:50:08.613-05:002010-07-03T17:50:08.613-05:00Murphy, I'm struggling with the same thing. I ...Murphy, I'm struggling with the same thing. I have, for instance:<br /><br /><i>Maybe I was wrong."<br />"Maybe you were not." He tilted his head and looked at her intensely, causing Venna to smile wrily. "Tal warned us about littering in Faerie."</i><br /><br />I often have paragraphs where the speaker is interrupted by observations of their environment - and my instinct is to keep the speech together, rather than <br /><br /><i>Maybe I was wrong."<br />"Maybe you were not."<br />He tilted his head and looked at her intensely. <br />Venna smiled wrily. "Tal warned us about littering in Faerie."</i><br /><br />You'll notice that if I kept the original sentence, it would make it totally ambiguous who was speaking the next paragraph. <br /><br />I think it's clear enough for the reader; what are your opinions?green_knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16499896006012152260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-21145501683787923172010-07-01T14:32:42.403-05:002010-07-01T14:32:42.403-05:00Okay, hell, I'm late to the party, but I'm...Okay, hell, I'm late to the party, but I'm asking anyway. :D<br /><br />When you're describing another character's actions in someone else's dialogue do you have to put the non-dialogue character's actions in a subordinate clause? <br /><br />Murphy - an inquiring mind that wants to know if this sucker is written in stone? :DRiley Murphyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15817930302085699222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-12913793726470093132010-06-30T10:25:49.641-05:002010-06-30T10:25:49.641-05:00Love your comments on this, Katie! I do the cause/...Love your comments on this, Katie! I do the cause/effect thing, too. I think that often works because the cause is external and the effect is more internal or coming from within the character.<br /><br />And then I had a writing instructor tell me I was doing it (paragraphing) wrong because the effect wasn't significant enough to merit its own paragraph. I still disagree. (And this was, incidentally, the same instructor who was so woefully misguided on passive voice, so I wasn't overly inclined to listen.)Jordanhttp://JordanMcCollum.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-76330951722856898432010-06-30T06:52:44.419-05:002010-06-30T06:52:44.419-05:00Yeah, that's probably where I learned it witho...Yeah, that's probably where I learned it without realizing it!Kathleen MacIverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16445884398825552734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-70110941115898571542010-06-30T06:26:51.828-05:002010-06-30T06:26:51.828-05:00'xactly.
Thanks, Alicia. Always nice to see I...'xactly.<br /><br />Thanks, Alicia. Always nice to see I *do* have a clue what I'm doing, even if it's mostly instinctive.Susan Helene Gottfriedhttp://westofmars.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-5982850165673081692010-06-29T22:49:44.350-05:002010-06-29T22:49:44.350-05:00Kathleen, of course, I think we absorb a lot of th...Kathleen, of course, I think we absorb a lot of this from reading. We're all readers!<br />AliciaEdittorrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-4246633217057246442010-06-29T22:28:19.174-05:002010-06-29T22:28:19.174-05:00Uh.... opposing *thought.Uh.... opposing *thought.Kathleen MacIverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16445884398825552734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-92051342491301498532010-06-29T22:25:53.475-05:002010-06-29T22:25:53.475-05:00I do it by instinct...and then realized that I'...I do it by instinct...and then realized that I'm actually following rules that a lot of other authors use, too. The most important of those that you didn't mention is...<br /><br />CAUSE AND EFFECT. ie: Scene and Sequel. If something is the effect of something that happened a few sentences earlier, then it needs its own paragraph. So if your character overhears something, and then reacts to it with thoughts or action, put them in separate paragraphs. ie: if Jim is huddling in the shadows spying on his enemies:<br /><br /><i> Their voices lowered to a soft whisper. He caught a word here and there, but nothing to make sense of. Until they started talking about Jane being dangerous.<br /><br />He choked back a laugh.</i><br /><br />That's cause and effect.<br /><br /><br />Another one is CHANGE OF TOPIC/SUBJECT/ACTION. If we're in someone's head and they're considering the pros and cons, then every time you switch from pro to con, or switch to a new one; new paragraph. If you switch, then, to action outside (not described through deep POV) then you start a new paragraph. ie:<br /><br /><i>What could he do? That had even a slim chance of success, that is. If he rushed them, they'd probably overpower him in 10 seconds flat. And if he waited 'till they left, then it would be way too late by the time he got back to headquarters with the warning. <br /><br />But then he thought of another option.<br /><br />He took a deep breath, wiped his sweaty palms on his pant legs, and rose.</i><br /><br />There's the switch from one set of thoughts, to an opposing though, and then another switch to action.Kathleen MacIverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16445884398825552734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-63526343488044041932010-06-29T20:56:59.775-05:002010-06-29T20:56:59.775-05:00But with two paragraphs, then you wouldn't get...But with two paragraphs, then you wouldn't get the flow from what he saw to how he reacted. And the way you've done it, it's squarely in his POV, so to me, it's all "him" even if the action is hers. Makes sense to me, and the quote tag just makes it clearer just in case, but also it gives that extra bump of rhythm that makes it more important as a sentence.<br />AliciaEdittorrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-10176752451868589272010-06-29T18:11:36.021-05:002010-06-29T18:11:36.021-05:00Erm, I can try...
Okay, here's another total...Erm, I can try... <br /><br />Okay, here's another totally out-of-context paragraph, taken right off the page I'm formatting:<br /><br />She didn't lift her head and look at him, she was so sucked into what she was doing. Trevor's radar went off; she never got this into drawing. "I know you're drawing," he said. "I've got eyes, you know."<br /><br />See? It's all one thought. Trevor knows she's up to something and is putting him off. So he calls her on it. <br /><br />Maybe not a thought as much as an instance, a second, a... capsule. It all goes together; it's all linked. A little mini-scene. <br /><br />Although, I do see how you could break it after her action and before Trev's (perpetual) BS detector goes off. That would leave you with a one-line paragraph, though, all about her. <br /><br />Does that help at all?Susan Helene Gottfriedhttp://westofmars.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-49551296831979680622010-06-29T16:24:43.873-05:002010-06-29T16:24:43.873-05:00Suz, see foreblogged post. Ditto CL, but that'...Suz, see foreblogged post. Ditto CL, but that'll probably take me longer to craft, as I have to think it through.<br /><br />Susan, really interesting idea about tagging. Could you elaborate? This feels like something I do instinctively (the sort of doubling of attribution) but I'm not sure why or when. More thoughts on that?<br />AliciaEdittorrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-78353620726938263952010-06-29T15:29:05.216-05:002010-06-29T15:29:05.216-05:00Perhaps a teaching on how to avoid "had"...Perhaps a teaching on how to avoid "had" in events that happened two or three days in the past. <br /><br />Thank you for this wonderful blog.C.L. Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02589946131460307715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-81029405304085821012010-06-29T13:17:25.291-05:002010-06-29T13:17:25.291-05:00Maybe this won't work out of context, but I...Maybe this won't work out of context, but I'll put more than a dialogue tag in a paragraph that's mostly speech: <br /><br />[It made him feel both elated and empty as hell. "When's the wedding?" he yelled.]<br /><br />For me, a paragraph ends when something -- usually a thought or concept -- ends. New idea? New paragraph.Susan Helene Gottfriedhttp://westofmars.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-82210091329349609062010-06-29T10:27:20.393-05:002010-06-29T10:27:20.393-05:00What about when there is one beat of action, then ...What about when there is one beat of action, then the dialogue. Does the dialoge come on the same line, or is it a new paragraph?suzannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18079900490192194395noreply@blogger.com