tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post6203726937146077941..comments2023-09-05T12:51:25.656-05:00Comments on edittorrent: Ana editsEdittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-71713733789283380932009-07-11T02:39:21.140-05:002009-07-11T02:39:21.140-05:00You're welcome, Ana! Good luck on the rest of ...You're welcome, Ana! Good luck on the rest of the story. I love humorous writing, but can't seem to keep it up long enough to be the tone of the book. My books end up too serious in tone no matter how much I try.<br /><br />I also tend to fly right through the sex scenes as I rarely have anything "major" happen during the sex as sex is about fun (or love and romance depending on my, er the character's mood LOL) so once it's clear that it's happened I move on. <br /><br />I have been working on the tendency to "outline" scenes to get through to the next one for the action scenes as my science fiction story needed them expounded upon, but... See this is a long winded, convoluted... Ugh you get the idea? <br /><br />I'll keep working on my flaws. When Alicia get's to mine, I'll probably be bowing my own head in shame. (I gave her too many lines as I'd just started reading the blog. I can't remember her exact words, but I got the feeling that the teacher/editor in her had the red pen ready! LOL) <br /><br />I love this process as it helps all of my writing to read what has been said of everyone's line item edits. Thanks for sending yours in.Leonahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11786326364037397675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-10295394627047131592009-07-09T23:42:52.641-05:002009-07-09T23:42:52.641-05:00Jami, email me at rasley@juno.com if you want to s...Jami, email me at rasley@juno.com if you want to submit for an edit. Interesting opportunity awaits you!<br />AliciaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-25444263308381367372009-07-09T17:35:48.773-05:002009-07-09T17:35:48.773-05:00No problem, Ana, :)
Since I missed out on the op...No problem, Ana, :)<br /><br />Since I missed out on the opportunity to send in any sentences for revision (I just got caught up on the blog last week), I've got to pay close attention to everyone else's to practice everything that I'm learning here.<br /><br />Jami G.Jami Goldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00957122956518765455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-32468115010296400172009-07-09T15:56:50.645-05:002009-07-09T15:56:50.645-05:00Jami G, thanks for the help.
Leona, thanks for th...Jami G, thanks for the help.<br /><br />Leona, thanks for the uplift. I needed it. ;)ananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-45250439223143902242009-07-09T13:15:35.050-05:002009-07-09T13:15:35.050-05:00Whew! I'm glad I'm not the only one with c...Whew! I'm glad I'm not the only one with convoluted, long winded paragraphs that I can't figure out how to change. ;) <br /><br />You're exactly right. Sometimes we are too close to it. We know what we mean, so we can't figure out why our brains are saying problem here, fix.<br /><br />As for embarrassing? Don't worry about it. That's why we send in our stuff that needs help. We want it to work, even if someone else has to tell us why and how.<br /><br />Have a good day!Leonahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11786326364037397675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-91063027688718994362009-07-09T11:57:29.581-05:002009-07-09T11:57:29.581-05:00Hi Ana,
Don't forget your comma after your &q...Hi Ana,<br /><br />Don't forget your comma after your "when" clause:<br /><br />When he realized he would never make the pros as a football player, <--- he changed his major from underwater basket-weaving to business...<br /><br />Also, should some of the "he"s be "he'd"? <br /><br />"...never make the pros as a football player, he'd changed his major..."<br /><br />and<br /><br />"He'd started a small business..."<br /><br />If those things happened before your stated "now" (finishing his MBA program), then I *think* they should be "he'd".<br /><br />Hope that helps!<br />Jami G.Jami Goldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00957122956518765455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-89319232175055887642009-07-08T22:57:24.643-05:002009-07-08T22:57:24.643-05:00Imagine me wiping the sweat from my brow. ;)
Okay...Imagine me wiping the sweat from my brow. ;)<br /><br />Okay, I really should have stuck with my first entry. It was much better proof-read and less embarrassing.<br /><br />Aside from the stupid spelling errors and such, the advice was exactly what I was looking for. I knew there was a better way to phrase this, but when you’re too close to your manuscript sometimes you don’t see the obvious.<br /><br />Here is the revision. Sorry the MBA is stick’n. (it follows into the story)<br /><br />He originally attended the university (this originally was a proper name, I just never lower cased university.) on a football scholarship. When he realized he would never make the pros as a football player he changed his major from underwater basket-weaving to business and was now finishing the MBA program. He started a small business in computer consulting to pay his way.ananoreply@blogger.com