tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post5807845784171625950..comments2023-09-05T12:51:25.656-05:00Comments on edittorrent: Pitch #5Edittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-15508067395241104022008-06-22T14:08:00.000-05:002008-06-22T14:08:00.000-05:00Thanks for your comments, everyone. Sorry I couldn...Thanks for your comments, everyone. Sorry I couldn't respond sooner - my father passed away suddenly and I didn't have internet.<BR/><BR/>I tossed this pitch off in rather a hurry, so I'm pleased y'all didn't hate it. Thanks.Dave Shawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00773380114295267509noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-39026168164379960262008-06-19T17:43:00.000-05:002008-06-19T17:43:00.000-05:00I have a strong interest in SF and am hugely inter...I have a strong interest in SF and am hugely interested in this subject area. I might look at this for this reason.<BR/><BR/>Reasons why I would decide against it would be:<BR/><BR/>I find the pitch written in overly wordy, dry and unemotional language. I'd be a bit worried about verbosity in the book itself.<BR/><BR/>While lots of exciting stuff happens, I can't really see the character's influence in it. She sails wherever the currents take her.<BR/><BR/>I am a bit disappointed in the ending of the pitch. I mean - here we have great stuff. Space ships! Battles! And in the end the only thing the character has to do is choose between career and love? How 2008. Fine if it's SF romance, but is there a way you can make it sound a bit less... mundane?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-70914847728774476762008-06-19T16:04:00.000-05:002008-06-19T16:04:00.000-05:00Overall the concept is interesting. The hook is th...Overall the concept is interesting. The hook is there just not in the right place. Should start at "Miracle Maker ... she wants to escape ..." and then fill in the other conflicts. Pass as written, but with reconsturction of the elements mentioned may ask for the first three chapters.JVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07450423473572692832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-27391496421019910842008-06-19T09:58:00.000-05:002008-06-19T09:58:00.000-05:00I would pass. The beginning of the pitch raised my...I would pass. The beginning of the pitch raised my interest - I'm always happy for SF with female protagonists, and this sounded as if there might be a female Miles lurking in the background of this pitch.<BR/><BR/>What lost me was that my expectations were on a grand scale - someone trying to adopt to a space fleet with customs she will misunderstand, family trouble, the feeling of not fitting in. What I get is the question of whether she should give up everything for the man she loves. In the face of a war and a flet that sounds as if it needs her, that *should not be* a choice. <BR/><BR/>I think there's a strong dichotomy between the novel as pitched (which will - quite probably with a somewhat different pitch, appeal to Romance readers) and the people who read E Moon, Bujold, and Weber. (I'm not familiar with Asaro's work.) To work as MilSF, it needs to have a stronger external conflict. <BR/><BR/>(It would work for me if the climax was her taking command because there's no-one else and carrying the fight to the enemy despite her misgivings.)<BR/><BR/>If this were pitched as a Romance, I'd want to know less background and more plot - what are her individual challenges? What makes this guy so great that she would even consider giving up her dream?green_knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16499896006012152260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-55494130178687236162008-06-19T09:51:00.000-05:002008-06-19T09:51:00.000-05:00Just a newbie here wondering, having never pitched...Just a newbie here wondering, having never pitched before, what about using simpler, more folksy speech when making a verbal pitch? <BR/><BR/>When the sentences are more complicated, the writing may seem more impressive, but isn't it just making it unnecessarily harder to follow verbally?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-31259028602637132432008-06-18T23:24:00.000-05:002008-06-18T23:24:00.000-05:00Similar to Nancy, I found the re-mentioning of the...Similar to Nancy, I found the re-mentioning of the grandfather threw me. But as she spoke of her genetic enhancements I became interested. Perhaps a better hook at the start would help. <BR/>The genre being science fiction, but with romantic elements included perhaps narrow it down further.<BR/>It's a bit wordy, but I like the fact that she has to make a choice love or career, sounds interesting.Natalie Hatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09377665702278806398noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-49502989337021337182008-06-18T22:12:00.000-05:002008-06-18T22:12:00.000-05:00The first two sentences almost lost me in mentioni...The first two sentences almost lost me in mentioning the grandfather twice, when I feel like (for the pitch) mentioning the grandfather isn't really necessary. I became more interested by the "genetic enhancements that have drastically shortened her life span" and remained fairly interested until the end. Why is this the choice presented? I don't feel there is the crucial detail (is it forbidden that crewmates be in love?) present to clue the listener in as to why this should be the paramount choice of the narrative.<BR/><BR/>Also, a question: I've seen recommended that the cover letter include a synopsis of the novel including how it ends. . . This pitch doesn't do that, but does the same hold true for pitches? I feel like if I knew what choice she made I might be more (or less) interested in reading the book.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-55099576669910700842008-06-18T17:54:00.000-05:002008-06-18T17:54:00.000-05:00I'd look at the manuscript, because the writer see...I'd look at the manuscript, because the writer seems to have a really clear idea of the plot and where the story's going. If I did refuse, though, I think I'd do it because just from that read-over I get the impression that the protagonist is passive up until the end, letting the plot just happen to her along the way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com