tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post3948485904417832718..comments2023-09-05T12:51:25.656-05:00Comments on edittorrent: Medic!Edittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-88715019924948580162010-02-11T08:58:54.247-06:002010-02-11T08:58:54.247-06:00Actually I think the image was a perfect selection...Actually I think the image was a perfect selection.<br /><br />Mind you, I would, I took it... Thanks for the link, and interesting blog, just subscribed!Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04098018230665425511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-91066586673766363702010-01-21T16:16:55.026-06:002010-01-21T16:16:55.026-06:00I don't think the image you picked does heathe...I don't think the image you picked does heather justice. At certain times of the year, hillsides will exploe in a deep, dark, rich purple that really *is* too kitsch for words.<br /><br />Therefore, I was perfectly happy with the lush heather. We spread a mantle of silence over the rest of the sentence...<br /><br />(and I have to admit that I missed the weak verb in all of this, I was so blinded by the colour.)green_knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16499896006012152260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-30994885495580793262010-01-20T23:18:27.190-06:002010-01-20T23:18:27.190-06:00Murphy,
Ah, don't worry, I wasn't beating...Murphy,<br /><br />Ah, don't worry, I wasn't beating myself up about my extra "it". :) I just can't help turning something into a learning experience, even if it's at my expense.<br /><br />So if other blog readers come across my blathering, maybe they'll go check out the earlier posts about "it"s. (Although I have no idea where they might be located... The super-duper post labeling system must be on the fritz again. :) Ooo, wait, I found them!: http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/2009/12/quick-sentence-revision-tip-subordinate.html and http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/2009/12/another-it-factor-as-it.html)<br /><br />Anyway, I wonder why I didn't get anything done today, and it dawns on me that it might have been because I was triple-posting over here. (See Jami on a sugar-buzz from O.D.ing on hot chocolate after a bad night's sleep. LOL!)<br /><br />Theresa, Yes, please, add me to the list requesting a post on description and interweaving it with the narrative.<br /><br />Okay, going to bed now...before I triple post again. :)<br />Jami G.Jami Goldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00957122956518765455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-68287955522747410652010-01-20T22:10:54.866-06:002010-01-20T22:10:54.866-06:00Hi Dave: *waves*
I was totally expecting you to b...Hi Dave: *waves*<br /><br />I was totally expecting you to breakout in a limerick. Crapatola! I could SO do a limerick with: <br /><br />I once knew a lush named Heather,<br />Who really got into pleather,<br />We wrapped it around,<br />Her heated...<br /><br />Well, you guys can guess the rest of that one, right? :D <br /><br />John? Isn’t it great that you don’t even have to respond to Jami, and she triple posts back? It’s like the triple dog dare you - without...well, the dare. ;)<br /><br />Man, JG? Are you okay? You do realize, don't you? That you create your own stress by publishing your comment and then rereading it afterward? You need to chill. No one is keeping score around here. At least I don’t think so - but if they are? We’re all in trouble - so again, freaking chill out! Sheesh!<br /><br />Hi Wes!<br /> <br />Murphy - thinking that you guys are all awesome! And a note back to a previous post comment. The T&A thing? I think I heard that first time from Rachel.capps - thanks Rachel! But my spin was supposed to be on the T and A’s ( And yes, I know JG, I made that possessive - but cut me some slack on it would you?) posts - that was the funny. T & As posts? COME ON, that’s better than Dave’s - Sound of Music segue. Sorry Dave. . .but, hey, (insert me brightening up here) I liked your almost limerick stuff today. :DRiley Murphyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15817930302085699222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-58949285596698503232010-01-20T19:55:00.794-06:002010-01-20T19:55:00.794-06:00John, if the symbolism is clear, you might not nee...John, if the symbolism is clear, you might not need that second sentence.<br /><br />I've been planning some posts on description, just haven't been able to get to them. So many of you have requested this lately. Comments, emails, even in entries for the top posts contests. What's in the zeitgeist these days drawing everyone to this topic? <br /><br />TheresaEdittorrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-1509601302091035052010-01-20T19:41:41.062-06:002010-01-20T19:41:41.062-06:00Reading that sentence I think I'm getting stru...Reading that sentence I think I'm getting struck with colour overload. When reading it slwoly it makes sense (or it is at least understood) that the flower is purple but glowing crimson adn the sunset is pink and orange striped but reading it quickly I was left wondering if the flower was striped pink and orange because I'd forgotten the earlier colours.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-52337041387253435852010-01-20T19:41:02.232-06:002010-01-20T19:41:02.232-06:00Jami,
I love your examples! (Even if the car exp...Jami,<br /><br />I love your examples! (Even if the car explodes. ;)Deb Salisbury, Magic Seeker and Mantua-Makerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01513482264195697450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-14482461675539179642010-01-20T18:29:52.009-06:002010-01-20T18:29:52.009-06:00Haha, thanks Jami.Haha, thanks Jami.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-32546846492227204882010-01-20T18:03:38.224-06:002010-01-20T18:03:38.224-06:00Good one, Dave.Good one, Dave.Weshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03077791761104576436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-6643342520655986152010-01-20T17:48:05.916-06:002010-01-20T17:48:05.916-06:00Yikes! Re-reading my lame examples, I saw one of ...Yikes! Re-reading my lame examples, I saw one of the dreaded "it"s that weaken sentence structure and add to confusion.<br /><br /><i>A tumbleweed blew into the path of her car and it exploded in a burst of sticks.</i><br /><br />LOL! Did her car explode or the tumbleweed??? Really, I promise I edit much better than this in my real stuff... :)Jami Goldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00957122956518765455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-1564836745140702212010-01-20T17:34:51.931-06:002010-01-20T17:34:51.931-06:00John,
All that, and I'm not sure I answered y...John,<br /><br />All that, and I'm not sure I answered your question... :)<br /><br />I think the example you posted avoids the problem Theresa cited, as you made the description relevant to the character. How deeply you go into that relevance at that point in the story is up to you, but yes, I think you did fine in making sure that the description wasn't just hanging there for no reason. :)<br /><br />Jami G.Jami Goldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00957122956518765455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-76774876597100774722010-01-20T17:29:14.017-06:002010-01-20T17:29:14.017-06:00John,
Alicia's POV book talks about the diffe...John,<br /><br />Alicia's POV book talks about the different depths you can take in any situation. It is entirely appropriate to change depths within a paragraph.<br /><br />From least deep to most deep:<br /><b> - Camera-eye/Objective</b><br />The wind blew a tumbleweed across the road and her car hit it.<br /><b> - Action</b><br />A tumbleweed blew into the path of her car and it exploded in a burst of sticks.<br /><b> - Perception</b><br />She flinched as a tumbleweed shattered into sticks when her car hit it.<br /><b> - Thought</b><br />She wrenched her mind back to the present when a tumbleweed blew into her path.<br /><b> - Feeling</b><br />Uneasiness seeped into her body as a shattered tumbleweed rained sticks across her car.<br /><b> - Deep Immersion</b><br />A <i>tumbleweed</i>? What the hell was she doing in such a god-forsaken place?<br /><br />Sorry for the lame examples, but hopefully you get the point. :) There's no right or wrong answer for the best way to go with any <i>one</i> sentence. You could theoretically start a paragraph in Objective and descend into Deep Immersion in the next sentence. You're allowed to mix and match those levels for whatever would work best in your story. One thing you'll notice is that the deeper you go, the less clear the surrounding environment can be (i.e. you completely lose the description of a tumbleweed hitting her car). This is neither good nor bad, depending on what you want to get across to the reader.<br /><br />Does that help?<br />Jami G.Jami Goldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00957122956518765455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-84758348601403430592010-01-20T16:12:32.534-06:002010-01-20T16:12:32.534-06:00Well actually, maybe I have done it.
Check:
The ...Well actually, maybe I have done it.<br /><br />Check:<br /><br />The larger blue star tugged at the white star, pulling it, stretching it, sucking it, slowly but inexorably killing its partner.<br />The symbolism resonated within Scott. <br /><br />(Scott has been hunting his ex-parter for the last two months, chasing him across known space and beyond!)<br /><br />Should I have gone further with that? should I mention some physiological response to what he sees? <br /><br />Unless you have already done a post on this, maybe something on how to show emotional reaction to 'looking' would be useful? i'd appreciate it anyway :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-55903201026563220112010-01-20T15:33:52.340-06:002010-01-20T15:33:52.340-06:00Hmmm.
I am up with the play of trying to avoid si...Hmmm.<br /><br />I am up with the play of trying to avoid silly words like 'look' with more active and interesting words. And I always struggle, but I do try.<br /><br />But the next step: how do they feel about what they see? That is something that I think i've been lacking.<br /><br />hmmm. . . .Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-70246731496894204372010-01-20T13:03:14.785-06:002010-01-20T13:03:14.785-06:00I once knew a lush Heather who glowed quite nicely...I once knew a lush Heather who glowed quite nicely at times. She didn't much care to dress in crimson, though. Purple was a good color for her, if I remember right. She'd probably take offense at being called 'a bit scrubby', but the 'almost wild' is dead on.<br /><br />"He admired Heather's lush body and stylish purple gown while enjoying her delight in the colorful sunset."<br /><br />Just sayin'...Dave Shawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00773380114295267509noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-70509140073268557612010-01-20T12:26:41.522-06:002010-01-20T12:26:41.522-06:00Hang on a minute! MY heather glows. Oh, yes, it ...Hang on a minute! MY heather glows. Oh, yes, it does - and keeping with your <i>medic</i> theme - I'll tell you why. <br /><br />I did previously mention - that my heroine was on that hillside <i>looking</i> for that elusive flower, as it was the cure to the virus that was sweeping Europe (but, so far, had only managed to wipe-out France, hmm...) when she spotted the most delicious mushrooms. Starving, as the poor girl was, she ate a fist full of the delectable magic treats and before she knew it? Everything was glowing. :D So, yeah, I stand by my : <b>The heather glowed in crimson hues under the fiery sunset.</b> <br /><br />MurphyRiley Murphyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15817930302085699222noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-17374449018566518242010-01-20T11:38:07.196-06:002010-01-20T11:38:07.196-06:00In the sky lingered the blush of rainbow clown bar...In the sky lingered the blush of rainbow clown barf.<br /><br />OMG - that's killer-funny.<br />:)<br />G.Genella deGreyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13129942813842907408noreply@blogger.com