tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post3612915410956003032..comments2023-09-05T12:51:25.656-05:00Comments on edittorrent: Voice example here-- opening-- C.P.Edittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-89110578916539462472009-05-30T18:59:27.977-05:002009-05-30T18:59:27.977-05:00I like this overall, and actually I don't think I ...I like this overall, and actually I don't think I agree with the suggested changes that have to do with voice. I read <EM>a lot</EM> of young adult, and I think this voice is fine. <br /><br />I also think it's fine that we don't know, from these few sentences, just what fun she's planning to have with her model body; I would keep reading to find out.<br /><br />I agree with the comments, though, on the "If there were..." sentence being confusing. My first thought was: how does our narrator know that hypothetical other shapeshifters would be different from her?<br /><br />What about something along the lines of:<br /><br />"I know that having an ability no one else does should give me a sense of responsibility. But I live in the land of..."<br /><br />-- Conveys the same factual info (she's the only shapeshifter she's aware of) in the same slightly indirect way, keeping the focus on her plans to use her power for fun.Elizabethhttp://underagereading.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-49339465088852675972009-05-29T15:55:20.929-05:002009-05-29T15:55:20.929-05:00I have no idea what this person looks like normal...I have no idea what this person looks like normally, so the shift to supermodel isn't contrasted sharply with anything.<br /><br />I don't think the words "in the world" are necessary. The perspective here seems off. How much experience does this person have with "the world"? Sounds like they are from some little podunk town.<br /><br />I would like to see more conflict in this character about being so "shallow" rather than just dismiss it as making entertainment.<br /><br />I like the idea a lot. I would read on.<br /><br />JeanieJeanne Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16871446109563078108noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-9067064470480020262009-05-29T14:44:59.210-05:002009-05-29T14:44:59.210-05:00Wonderful insights, I learned a lot simply by read...Wonderful insights, I learned a lot simply by reading it.suzanneelizabeths.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14304462740451230118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-62192184332627769892009-05-28T19:30:44.940-05:002009-05-28T19:30:44.940-05:00Sorry, let me try that link again
The ShifterSorry, let me try that link again<br /><A HREF="http://pubrants.blogspot.com/2009/04/guest-blog-janices-editor-donna-bray-on.html" REL="nofollow">The Shifter</A>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-19455432506256884962009-05-28T19:29:07.952-05:002009-05-28T19:29:07.952-05:00If by The Shifter you mean the book Agent Kristin ...If by <A>The Shifter</A> you mean the book Agent Kristin has talked about on her blog, it's not about shapeshifting.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-23607196097563060792009-05-28T17:28:24.596-05:002009-05-28T17:28:24.596-05:00Just FYI - there's a MG novel coming out called Th...Just FYI - there's a MG novel coming out called The Shifter. <br />Similarly names novels appear all the time, but it's something to be aware of.MeganRebekahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03285116194891827858noreply@blogger.com