tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post3378470939816549641..comments2023-09-05T12:51:25.656-05:00Comments on edittorrent: Two "she," one sceneEdittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-3200053623480839052008-04-22T11:56:00.000-05:002008-04-22T11:56:00.000-05:00Sorry about that, GK! I should learn... read comm...Sorry about that, GK! I should learn... read comments BEFORE the first glass of wine, not after. :) I agree that it's the summary that gets us in trouble. It's easier to be accurate when we have a whole passage or scene to work with. But a single line of summary... argh!<BR/><BR/>clg said:<BR/>>I never was confused, never once thought that there was a bunch of characters in the scene. ><BR/>I wonder if it matters how deep into the book it is. The first couple scenes, the reader won't be conversant with how many characters are involved in this story, and probably assumes most new terms refer to new characters. But later in the book, the reader has more context.<BR/>I'd also suspect that what works in omniscient POV (where the "godlike persona" of the narrator knows all) might be confusing in deep POV (where the narrative reflects only what the POV character knows). Hmmm. So maybe reader confusion comes from context or lack thereof.<BR/>AliciaEdittorrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-25811216071829027402008-04-22T10:55:00.000-05:002008-04-22T10:55:00.000-05:00Thanks for the ideas, Alicia and Green_Knight.One ...Thanks for the ideas, Alicia and Green_Knight.<BR/><BR/>One point regarding one of Green_Knight's comments: <I>And, of course, Sally will have a problem in this fight because she keeps allowing the other woman to dominate it. She needs to plan her attack, to press her. She might still get a trouncing, but she *won't* win if she keeps waiting what her opponent will do.</I><BR/><BR/>This might be true if Sally were practicing an offensive martial art, but she's not. Her goal in this scene is to demonstrate that she can defend herself from attacks, not necessarily go on the offensive herself, which is why she's using defensive Aikido-like moves rather than attacking as a karateka or tae kwon do player would probably do. Podgorny doesn't 'dominate' the fight - she merely initiates it.<BR/><BR/>Did you ever see the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode where Data plays a strategy game against an alien who's the acknowledged champion of it? Data wins not by attacking, but by matching his opponent's every move, maintaining parity until the guy finally quits in disgust because neither one can win. That's what Sally's going for in this test. Against Podgorny, it works; it's when Henries substitutes Sgt. Huang, an experienced kung fu stylist twice Sally's size and with greater skill, that Sally gets desperate and begins using her genetically-engineered advantages to try to match him, thus exposing secrets that her crewmates aren't supposed to know about her. (Yes, it's an intricate plot. ;)Dave Shawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00773380114295267509noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-77569769149793597782008-04-22T07:02:00.000-05:002008-04-22T07:02:00.000-05:00Sally was about to pivot to face Podgorny squarely...Sally was about to pivot to face Podgorny squarely again, when the other woman attacked, swinging her right fist at Sally's left kidney. <BR/><BR/>I think part of the problem with the original was compounded by the controlled strike, which implies a stronger narrator than I would expect. Sally might notice the strike, but she'd be concerned with evading or blocking it, or minimising damage; she wouldn't worry too much about whether it's controlled. The fact that Podgorny surprises her implies as much. <BR/><BR/>And, of course, Sally will have a problem in this fight because she keeps allowing the other woman to dominate it. She needs to plan her attack, to press her. She might still get a trouncing, but she *won't* win if she keeps waiting what her opponent will do.<BR/><BR/><I>Ian offers:</I><BR/><BR/>Oh no he doesn't. It's mine all mine. Even if it was written far too late at night. <BR/><BR/>(the killer is male, too, and the protag knows who he is - his father's best friend. My protag has got reason to carry a grudge. Unfortunately, whenever I use that phrase, I have to think of a Haegar the Horrible cartoon ;-))<BR/><BR/>Have I said that I find query letters hard? This is one of the reasons. If I could dramatise this - say, two characters gosspiping about a third - I could pull it apart a bit, name more names, give examples. But when I'm trying to get to the core of the problem, I sooner or later end up with a monstrosity like this, and even though the register isn't what I'd be submitting, (eg, all over the place), I think this illustrates the challenge.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-30260664645007790192008-04-22T01:25:00.000-05:002008-04-22T01:25:00.000-05:00Right... in a scene between Lee and Stuart, I woul...Right... in a scene between Lee and Stuart, I wouldn't employ all those descriptors in a three page scene. I only use one to bring clarity to the he/he tangle or clunkiness of the over use of names.<BR/><BR/>As for the confusion of descriptors. I do understand how it could confuse the reader, but when reading Vidal's novel (and he employs this tactic often with many of his characters) I never was confused, never once thought that there was a bunch of characters in the scene. I don't know why that is; it just is. Perhaps it is because he's just a wonderful author. LOL!<BR/><BR/>Thank you for all these wonderful and helpful articles. I'm learning alot, and I do appreciate it.C.L. Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02671822320987409585noreply@blogger.com