tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post3377034088656046731..comments2023-09-05T12:51:25.656-05:00Comments on edittorrent: One More Opening, This One A Competent MissEdittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-21581588245503027042008-03-09T10:58:00.000-05:002008-03-09T10:58:00.000-05:00All good points. I'm always so impressed by the le...All good points. I'm always so impressed by the level of discourse in the comments!<BR/><BR/>Jan, the rule of thumb is to start with the protagonist. There are exceptions to that, notably in the thriller genre which often starts with the antagonist so the reader has a sense of what horrible things might happen if the antagonist isn't stopped. <BR/><BR/>I think your ground zero question is: do you want the reader to know what has happened to Paula? That's going to govern what you write. If it's okay for the reader to know at this point why Paula has run off, then give us the scene where she runs. Not the scene when she reaches the end of the run. Does that make sense?<BR/><BR/>If you don't want us to know, then you'll have to come up with something else. Maybe even a precursor scene before she runs, if it's important to the plot and contains enough drama to stand as an opening scene.<BR/><BR/>You've got the skills to make it work. It's just a matter of finding the right scene. <BR/><BR/>Green Knight, that's exactly why I was bugged by the whole "safe" thing. The prose avoids details about the problem, which I saw as deliberate and related to the "safe" moment. But safe from what?<BR/><BR/>TheresaEdittorrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-3951790045991498882008-03-09T10:20:00.000-05:002008-03-09T10:20:00.000-05:00Jan, perhaps you should experiment with giving Pau...Jan, perhaps you should experiment with giving Pauline enough of an initial scene to hint at what's going on before shifting to Sadhu and Pauline's father. Try answering, or at least hinting at the answers, to green_knight's questions, and give us enough of her so that we begin to care about her. Build the best opening that you can that way, compare it with the best opening you can come up with going straight to Sadhu, and pick the one that's better. There really isn't one right answer, so play with it until it works for you and whoever you can get to help you with it. I'm willing, for whatever that's worth. Good luck!Dave Shawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00773380114295267509noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-85125886828551935352008-03-09T04:37:00.000-05:002008-03-09T04:37:00.000-05:00Thanks for these comments [says writer coming out ...Thanks for these comments [says writer coming out of hiding]. Your points are all good and quite helpful. Let me give a bit of a further explanation of what I was attempting.<BR/><BR/>Dr. Sadhu Singh is Pauline's psychotherapist. The person at the door is Pauline's father, searching for her. BTW, Sadhu is a woman.<BR/><BR/>At first I opened the story with the door buzzer scene, but since Pauline is the focal point character of the book, someone else suggested opening with her, so this is what I came up with, her seeking safety.<BR/><BR/>The book is a mix of tight 3rd POV scenes: Pauline, Sadhu, and the detective you haven't met yet.<BR/><BR/>Now, given all that, what to do?<BR/><BR/>JanW<BR/>PS: thanks for saying my writing is at least competent. That's a start. :-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-88147263319313796412008-03-08T17:02:00.000-06:002008-03-08T17:02:00.000-06:00Quite apart from the quick changeover, this is too...Quite apart from the quick changeover, this is too forcedly mysterious for me. I feel I'm being made to wait for a concrete explanation. Pauline strikes me as coy - she does not think about the nature of the threat, the enemies, does not observe anything about her surroundings, just appears to exist to push my 'wonder what happened' button.<BR/><BR/>Unfortunately, I don't work that way. My mind latched onto the single fact I was given - fled Melbourne hours ago - and now I wonder what safe haven she might have found hours from Melbourne. And 'safe until they found her' does not convey a sense of safety to me - *every* refuge is only safe until your enemies find you; why does she have hopes that she will not be found easily in this one?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-24656695337287131902008-03-08T17:01:00.000-06:002008-03-08T17:01:00.000-06:00I agree, let's bond with one character before shif...I agree, let's bond with one character before shifting to another. I also thought the buzzing was the clock. I think I'd drop the doorbell in favor of someone knocking--less confusing that way. But really, start with Pauline <I>or</I> Sadhu--don't confuse me by switching so quickly. Leave that to my wife and daughter. ;-)Dave Shawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00773380114295267509noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-84475310183686045822008-03-08T16:48:00.000-06:002008-03-08T16:48:00.000-06:00I enjoyed the first paragraph for the most part; i...I enjoyed the first paragraph for the most part; it sets up a "what happened?" scenario. But the change in POV was so striking, that I initially took the characters to be the same even with the different names. Pauline is curled up on a pillow--which suggests bed, then Sadhu is looking at a bedside clock. So the settings are the same. And the onomatopoetic break did nothing to separate the scene for me (and I had the same confusion; I thought the sound was from the clock).EBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14361825595951678685noreply@blogger.com