tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post6361207045110066314..comments2023-09-05T12:51:25.656-05:00Comments on edittorrent: Minor fixEdittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-1611677700172367142011-02-09T04:19:32.393-06:002011-02-09T04:19:32.393-06:00Alicia, I quite enjoy the challenges of working wi...Alicia, I quite enjoy the challenges of working within fairly narrow confines. (I'm now seeing the whole set of comments, which makes it even more challenging.)<br /><br />To deal with the glass case, consider changing the subject: instead of 'the gallery displays' what about 'A glass case contains'? And if you're unfond of the _scroll he typed the story on_, ('used for the story' is ambiguous, it sounds more as if it plays a role in the story than than the physical manuscript), so maybe 'scroll that formed his original manuscript' or something along those lines?green_knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16499896006012152260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-25383990061345066772011-02-08T20:17:47.034-06:002011-02-08T20:17:47.034-06:00Well, GK, that's the problem with creating exa...Well, GK, that's the problem with creating examples for teaching-- I'm trying to demonstrate specific things and can't always have freedom to state it the way I please! <br />AEdittorrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-76923110574898049522011-02-08T18:58:33.859-06:002011-02-08T18:58:33.859-06:00The "On the Road" gallery displays - in ...<i>The "On the Road" gallery displays - in a glass case - Kerouac's Olivetti typewriter and part of the 120-foot long paper scroll he used to type his story on.</i><br /><br />If I was the writer, I might consider a dozen possible changes - what's important about this - the glass case, the typewriter, the sheer endless scroll? With my copy editor's hat on, I'd try to preseve the memorable phrases of the text. (I could have done a slightly less invasive version, but I liked it less:<br /><br /><i>The "On the Road" gallery displays - in a glass case - part of the 120-foot long paper scroll Kerouac typed his story on, as well as the Olivetti typewriter he used.</i><br /><br />The two sentence version would have something along the lines of 'It also contains his Olivetti typewriter.'green_knighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16499896006012152260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-54206565724006379792011-02-08T17:22:22.741-06:002011-02-08T17:22:22.741-06:00Theresa, "idealize" isn't really as ...Theresa, "idealize" isn't really as good as "idolize". Can we go with them idolizing me?<br />Alicia the IdolEdittorrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-26157450328844500092011-02-08T16:36:07.069-06:002011-02-08T16:36:07.069-06:00Don't be fooled by her modesty. They idealize ...Don't be fooled by her modesty. They idealize her. <br /><br />TEdittorrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-60685985669214849052011-02-08T16:18:54.478-06:002011-02-08T16:18:54.478-06:00Yeah, "In a glass case" in the start of ...Yeah, "In a glass case" in the start of the sentence might be good. I like starting a sentence with that sort of detail.<br /><br />It is important it's an "old" typewriter. Well, all typewriters are old now, I guess. :) I had a manual Olivetti once. I remember in college a friend of mine bought one (already obsolete) because what if the power went off when he was typing a paper? <br /><br />Me, I'd quit trying to type a paper. "The power went out!" is a good excuse for a late paper.<br /><br />Anon, here's a post where I think we talked about ending on a preposition:<br />http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/2009/10/that-is-impertinence-up-with-which-i.html<br /><br />Here's my thought:<br />1) Prepositions are usually weak words to end on. Look! I ended on a preposition! And truly, I wasn't trying.<br /><br />2) When I'm writing for students, I always try to follow every blessed rule to the max, because I really don't want any of them in the future saying to another professor, "Well, Mrs. Rasley ended a sentence on a preposition, so it can't be all that bad!" They tend to idealize me. Okay. They don't. They just tend to look for excuses to do what they want to do wrong, and I don't want to be their excuse. <br /><br />Anyway, usually it's easy to recast a sentence to end otherwise, but sometimes even that much effort gives me a headache. Today is one of those days. :)<br /><br />AliciaEdittorrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-33285258640088208922011-02-08T15:28:49.932-06:002011-02-08T15:28:49.932-06:00Overall, it's a big improvement. Moving the l...Overall, it's a big improvement. Moving the longer phrase to the end of the list really helps anchor it.<br /><br />But there are aspects of the original version I miss. In particular, it's no longer absolutely clear that the Olivetti typewriter is the one he used for <i>On the Road</i>.<br /><br />I'm tempted to move "in a glass case" to the beginning of the sentence to get it out of the way. It seems almost parenthetical, and I stumble over it every time I try to read the sentence aloud.<br /><br />"Old" seems superfluous. Is it an antique? Was it old when he used it? "Long" also seems to get in the way. Would anybody think it would be a 120-foot <i>wide</i> paper scroll?<br /><br /><i>In a glass case, the "On the Road" gallery displays Kerouac's Olivetti typewriter and part of the 120-foot paper scroll he used for the manuscript.</i><br /><br />Is it any wonder that it takes me forever to finish a manuscript and that my word count is always low?Adriannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-85844787908474166512011-02-08T14:50:43.459-06:002011-02-08T14:50:43.459-06:00Anon, yes and no. Ending with a preposition is sti...Anon, yes and no. Ending with a preposition is still frowned upon in academic writing. There's a bit more flexibility in fiction writing.<br /><br />But remember, sometimes a preposition acts as an adverb. It's okay to end with an adverb. <br /><br />TheresaEdittorrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-24055868984090352672011-02-08T14:44:54.206-06:002011-02-08T14:44:54.206-06:00Okay, so I know I should know this, but really, wh...Okay, so I know I should know this, but really, why can't you end with a preposition? Sometimes fixing it makes a sentence sound so pretentious. And there's that whole legend that Winston Churchill said something along the lines of "This is the sort of English up with which I will not put." I agree with him.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com