tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post4661466434406724819..comments2023-09-05T12:51:25.656-05:00Comments on edittorrent: Scenes are about changeEdittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-12912519246024640362011-06-15T18:18:31.956-05:002011-06-15T18:18:31.956-05:00Annette, I think that's it-- we need a physica...Annette, I think that's it-- we need a physical manifestation of the emotional change. And we can trust the reader to get it!<br />AliciaEdittorrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-80513748226775276252011-06-14T14:59:48.221-05:002011-06-14T14:59:48.221-05:00Back to leave a comment about your scene with the ...Back to leave a comment about your scene with the sort-of-friends who end up kissing. That sounds like a fun scene to write. <br /><br />Yes, physical distance at first, then coming closer totally works. I can also see your POV character in that scene perhaps noticing more general things in the scene in the beginning, maybe the ambience and such, and then zeroing in on more sensual or close details of the other person as his/her attraction mounts.Annettenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-32104188434953290472011-06-14T14:29:09.452-05:002011-06-14T14:29:09.452-05:00Ooh, I just saw this post -- what an interesting t...Ooh, I just saw this post -- what an interesting topic to think more in depth about. It always amazes me to consider what layers of skill writers learn as their experience with the craft deepens. I probably wouldn't have even consciously thought of that "change" when I was newer at this (and even don't do it as much as I should now - sometimes it just happens without conscious thought). <br /><br />I have a scene in my ancient Sparta historical fiction where my female MC had the horror of her baby euthanized (as was Sparta's policy for weak or malformed babies). Her soldier husband dealt with his grief in a very closed way and in addition went off to battle soon after without even telling her. (The men lived in the barracks until age 30). When he returns to her, wounded, she is still very hurt about his leaving. So I start out with them like this after she has nursed him through the night:<br /><br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br />She awoke the next morning to him running his rough, callused palm down her thigh. <br /><br />“I didn’t mean to wake you,” he said. “I know I kept you up most of the night.”<br /><br />“What I would have given to have been awakened by your touch over these last weeks.”<br /><br />His hand stopped its slow, sensual glide. “You think I abandoned you.”<br /><br />She stayed silent.<br /><br />“I would never abandon you.” <br /><br />She took a breath and told him what she’d kept inside for so many weeks. “You never came back for me like you’d promised. You left without word when I needed you most.”<br /><br />His grip on her thigh tightened when she said it, then he took his hand away, leaving the place he had touched cold and naked. “Your brother has a death wish.” His gaze was challenging in its intensity. “Why?”<br /><br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br />My point of the removal of his hand was to show that they can't share that little bit of intimacy until they work out their own separate hurts. At first he was ready for a more sensual closeness. But when he sees what she thinks, he's too hurt in return to be physically close like that. At the end of the scene she realizes he left urgently in order to keep her brother safe, so she wouldn't have the pain of losing her baby AND her brother. He did it to protect her. They talk it out. Now they can become close again. But at the end of the scene, it's not a sexual closeness, it's more of a comfort after talking about their terrible loss. So I have slipped this into the end after they've cleared the air:<br /><br />~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br />She leaned against him, and he held her in the quiet of the morning. <br /><br />~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br />I hope others leave their examples. This is great stuff to think about. I'm going to think about your scene for a bit longer and return with some thoughts.Annettenoreply@blogger.com