tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post4644222071381296785..comments2023-09-05T12:51:25.656-05:00Comments on edittorrent: Telepathy, interpretation, and POV shiftsEdittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-41338045293462609522008-12-24T14:34:00.000-06:002008-12-24T14:34:00.000-06:00Clever twist there in the end. :)AliciaClever twist there in the end. :)<BR/>AliciaEdittorrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-73634010460538396492008-12-24T06:10:00.000-06:002008-12-24T06:10:00.000-06:00Is POV really the fault, here?There's a breath of ...Is POV really the fault, here?<BR/><BR/>There's a breath of a POV slip in 'She flung open the door' because (from Tom's POV) he wouldn't know who was flinging open the door...unless is was a glass door, in which case she would have known it was Tom on the other side and there'd be no surprise at finding him there.<BR/><BR/>But maybe that last line 'She wasn't expecting him' could be causing as many problems because it's telling, not showing. If you show what Tom sees, there's no doubt that he wasn't expected.<BR/><BR/><I>Tom took a deep breath and knocked on her door. He heard a faint voice inside -- "Coming, coming," and braced himself.<BR/><BR/>When the door flung open, she began to say, "Yes, can I--" but now she faltered; her shoulders dropped, her hand went to her chest, and she backed away a step, saying, "Oh, my god--Tom!"<BR/><BR/>Tom held his head high. "I think we need to talk, Dad," he said.<BR/></I>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-89384944668437514982008-12-23T15:08:00.000-06:002008-12-23T15:08:00.000-06:00Jewel, yes, too many writers, I think, disguise th...Jewel, yes, too many writers, I think, disguise their incoherence as "POV" or "my voice"-- the point is not how liberated the author feels, but what the reader experiences. And that's why it's important to revise as a reader-- to notice that even single words can give the reader the wrong feeling. The author who thinks that's the READER's fault (as so many do) isn't going to be very popular. <BR/><BR/>AliciaEdittorrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-58688732661269138582008-12-23T14:57:00.000-06:002008-12-23T14:57:00.000-06:00>Then she faltered.Whoever she'd expected, ...>Then she faltered.<BR/><BR/>Whoever she'd expected, it clearly wasn't him.>><BR/><BR/>I like this, because it adds the realization that she WAS expecting someone... and who was that?Edittorrenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-30357125094731979362008-12-23T13:50:00.000-06:002008-12-23T13:50:00.000-06:00This is such a great topic and always the subject ...This is such a great topic and always the subject of debate. I always get drawn into the whole "I'm not head-hopping, I'm using multiple POVs" argument when it feels like I'm reading a ping-pong match in a chapter. *sigh*<BR/><BR/>I thought of a few possible fixes such as:<BR/><BR/>She flung open the door. "Yes, can I--" Then she faltered.<BR/><BR/>Clearly she wasn't expecting him.<BR/><BR/>or<BR/><BR/>Then she faltered.<BR/><BR/>Whoever she'd expected, it clearly wasn't him.<BR/><BR/>or<BR/><BR/>Then she faltered.<BR/><BR/>His brow arched. She wasn't expecting him.<BR/><BR/>I think breaking for a new paragraph and maybe blending the "She wasn't expecting him" bit with some kind of tag helps makes the interpretation clear.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-70496628581755203982008-12-23T07:23:00.000-06:002008-12-23T07:23:00.000-06:00I would combine it via semicolon with an action of...I would combine it via semicolon with an action of Tom's:<BR/><BR/>He gave a wry smile; she must not have expected him.<BR/><BR/>This establishes it is clearly his narration, and ties an interpretation to an emotional response on his part to further reinforce that it is HIM.Ianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14497045412007902460noreply@blogger.com