tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post4404898188437734896..comments2023-09-05T12:51:25.656-05:00Comments on edittorrent: Dialogue SequencingEdittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-87337114132650901432008-02-09T20:52:00.000-06:002008-02-09T20:52:00.000-06:00Susan, my male instincts are telling me that Tex w...Susan, my male instincts are telling me that Tex wouldn't say that immediately after the 'back forty' comment. Bringing women back up would be counter productive - he'd want to distract Rube from the object of his discomfort.<BR/><BR/>How about something like Tex clapping Rube on the shoulder and saying, "Damn, you sure keep up with that schedule! We better get to work so we don't blow it." Friendship and forgiveness conveyed in a very 'cowboy' manner, and Rube being led to forget about Jane and Tex's relationship, whatever it is.<BR/><BR/>Just a suggestion, of course. ;-)Dave Shawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00773380114295267509noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-31639269141898209892008-02-09T20:22:00.000-06:002008-02-09T20:22:00.000-06:00Yeah, in fact, this was bugging me, as if I'd writ...Yeah, in fact, this was bugging me, as if I'd written it. Seems that the easiest fix, since we don't know where the story is headed, would be for Tex to say, "Why is it you're so good with the schedule and so crummy in how you treat your women?"<BR/><BR/>Something along those lines. <BR/><BR/>Oh, my. I might be inspired to play with scene. Ladies, may I?Susan Helene Gottfriedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12778191943289129869noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-28997943308727639862008-02-09T10:49:00.000-06:002008-02-09T10:49:00.000-06:00Susan, I have to agree. They come across as heavy ...Susan, I have to agree. They come across as heavy on the 'tell'. I suspect that they're supposed to convey that Tex is forgiving Rube, but it doesn't work for me.Dave Shawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00773380114295267509noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-82206113846154506562008-02-09T09:54:00.000-06:002008-02-09T09:54:00.000-06:00I think that's how I'd have done it, given the cha...I think that's how I'd have done it, given the chance. But I'd like to point out those last two sentences. They totally stop the flow of ... everything. Gah. Yuck.Susan Helene Gottfriedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12778191943289129869noreply@blogger.com