tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post3595749305582918906..comments2023-09-05T12:51:25.656-05:00Comments on edittorrent: Setting by Example: BrownEdittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-88524567510167948112011-01-26T16:14:24.646-06:002011-01-26T16:14:24.646-06:00I wrote an enormous response to this, rewriting th...I wrote an enormous response to this, rewriting the paragraph and then analyzing why I changed what I changed, but it was too big to post and then I lost it so I can't even post it on my blog. Crap! Well, I'll recreate the part where I answered your questions...<br /><br />No, I don't think his technique works. Maybe he just doesn't use it enough. The text feels very abstract to me. The words "For Robert Langdon," "had a way of," "intellectually," the repetition of "large," and the use of "anticipated" all make it seem very abstract to me. By contrast, "the Statue of Liberty could stand comfortably inside it" (personalization, I guess) and "spirits in the air" (which made me think of Ariel, not ghosts) mitigated the effect, but they weren't enough for me. They kept it in Langdon's head, instead of his soul, I suppose.<br /><br />The final sentence doesn't feel like a punch at all to me. Probably because of what L. A. Colvin said--chaos isn't the opposite of space. I think he should be talking about focus instead, or starting the paragraph with more of a sense of peace and then switching that around to chaos. And saying there's chaos doesn't give me a sense of that, either, so I didn't feel that a tone had been set up and then jerked away.Clare K. R. Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11841162467916897873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-17229590479015939402011-01-26T13:40:58.472-06:002011-01-26T13:40:58.472-06:00For me, it worked. I think I would have liked some...For me, it worked. I think I would have liked something visceral in the beginning. Something that lets us feel his surprise rather than being told.<br /><br />I like the shock of the last line. I haven't read the book and I was envisioning the rotunda being quiet. Then he hits us with a power word like chaos and it's a smack. I like the contrast of quiet and chaos.Adrienne Giordanohttp://www.adriennegiordano.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-31106101549725603132011-01-26T13:37:49.328-06:002011-01-26T13:37:49.328-06:00I think this technique works if you don't go t...I think this technique works if you don't go too far outside the parameters. In my opinion you need to keep the sentences related to each other. You can do this and still jerk the tone away. The last sentence does that but it feels rickety. The word "however" shows how things are disimilar. Chaos is not disimilar to size. Size is the thought thread he creates for us at the beginning only to veer off with chaos. The only word that might come close is hallowed but that's still not close enough. Maybe that's what Mr. Brown wanted. I think it's irratating but I like this book. I would have incorporated more of the peaceful, quiet nature of the monuments along with the size. Then the "Tonight, however, there was only chaos." would flow better and make sense. He's a published author while I'm not so maybe he's on to something..L.A. Colvinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02660594640480581883noreply@blogger.com