tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post1650584192523759052..comments2023-09-05T12:51:25.656-05:00Comments on edittorrent: John Harper-- editsEdittorrenthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14295505709568570553noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-81531556353495488352009-07-02T23:57:32.612-05:002009-07-02T23:57:32.612-05:00Hi,
Alicia didn't mention it, but I would fix...Hi,<br /><br />Alicia didn't mention it, but I would fix that first fragment. "Bland and bitter, but cold and wet." It looks like maybe he just thinks that's how it would taste, but doesn't actually touch the mug.<br /><br /> Show me he actually tasted it. "It tasted bland and bitter, but cold and wet." Then it's not a surprise when he takes "another" sip.<br /><br />-- Jue LeeJue Leenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-55735585946733913092009-06-30T14:21:09.404-05:002009-06-30T14:21:09.404-05:00Hey Alicia, thanks for looking at this for me. I ...Hey Alicia, thanks for looking at this for me. I didn't think i'd get a show being at the bottom of the list :)<br /><br />All very good points and after you mention them all look quite obvious.<br /><br />Thanks again, and Sanderson: No, wasn't intentionally alliterating, but I think i do it subconsciously quite a lot.<br /><br />-JohnJohn Harpernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6824896765631412903.post-43541018091779393952009-06-30T07:19:27.132-05:002009-06-30T07:19:27.132-05:00The barkeep slid the unbranded beer forward. “Enjo...<i>The barkeep slid the unbranded beer forward. “Enjoy.”<br />The beer looked black. Bland and bitter, but cold and wet.</i><br /><br />I don't know if you were going for this much alliteration, but I got hung up in all the Bs.B.E. Sandersonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04336115135400388268noreply@blogger.com